


Arrhythmia

by ojos_abiertos



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But they are good, Getting Together, Kinda, M/M, Nurse!Iruka, Nurses, Paramedic!Kakashi, Stubborn Iruka, their pasts are a bit messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 10:23:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21509533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ojos_abiertos/pseuds/ojos_abiertos
Summary: Iruka had stopped dating, he was too hurt to give it another try and would rather stick to his job. Then he meets Kakashi while following through with a dare, but he soon realises there are a lot of problems to come and he has to deal with his past to move on.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 104
Kudos: 216





	1. The Stick.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I know little to nothing about medical stuff, let alone the US medical system. I'll still try my best, though, but keep it in mind.  
> That being said, hope you enjoy it!

**_An arrhythmia describes an irregular heartbeat - the heart may beat too fast, too slowly, too early, or irregularly._**

Anko arrived with the following round of drinks as laughter struck like thunder. 

“What are we laughing at?” she asked with a devilish smile.

“The stick up in Iruka’s ass,” Kotetsu answered as he took a sip of his new drink.

“Oh, that. Yeah, it’s time you address it,” Anko said to Iruka like it was a casual every night topic.

“You should take it out,” Izumo declared, glazing at his boyfriend.

“And fill the space with cock,” Kotetsu finished.

The three of them laughed and had a toast to that. Iruka look around wondering what the quickest way out was.

“Don’t tell me you rehearsed that,” he mocked once the laugh was over.

“Oh, we definitely did," Izumo said and the laughter started again.

“Seriously, tough, you should go out more, Iruka,” Anko commented.

“We are out,” Iruka said opening his arms to point out the bar they were in.

“You know what I mean. Go out without us, get laid. Or at least without Izumo and Kotetsu, you can’t third-wheel them forever.”

“Sure I can, you love me guys, right?”

“We love you,” Izumo answered.

“We don’t love that stick you have now," Kotetsu added. His face quickly contorted into pain because of the kick he received under the table, work of his boyfriend. “We think Anko is right. Going out won’t do you any harm, you need to live a little,” he re-stated under Izumo’s stern-look. 

“The last time I ‘lived a little’, it did do me some harm. I’m good, guys,” Iruka said bitterly.

“And it sucked, but it was a long time ago. It’s time to get back out there,” Anko said.

“Don’t you have to go to that medical conference the day after tomorrow?” Izumo asked, suddenly exited and jumping like a puppie. Iruka nodded slightly, afraid of what may come next. “Okay, so, hear me out. I say you don’t lock yourself up in your room when the first day is over.”

“Yes!” Anko interrupted, “go have a drink or two at the hotel's bar. Maybe you’ll meet someone.”

“Oh, and wear that nice burgundy shit of yours,” Kotetsu jumped in.

“Although it comes from a good place in your heart, I don’t think it is a good idea. It is a work trip, not a vacation," Iuka said.

“Come on, Iruka! Give us this little joy,” Kotetsu pleaded.

“You don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to, it’s a nice harmless way to start going out," Izumo said.

“That’s right. Just go sit there, look pretty and send us a picture," Anko asked. Or demanded, Iruka wasn’t sure.

“What would I win if I did this?” Iruka asked mischievously.

“…our eternal gratitude?”

“Ten bucks," Kotetsu quickly jumped in.

“Kotetsu! You are saying it ‘cause you are drunk already," Izumo complained.

“That’s right, it isn’t enough," his boyfriend replied, “twenty?”

“Still not enough," Iruka said, pushing to see how far his friend would take this nonsense.

“Each."

“Okay, you have a deal," he agreed extending his hand to shook Kotetsu’s, knowing that if he pushed further, he would lose the money.

“You have to have two drinks, stay there for at least an hour and a half and wear the burgundy shirt everyone likes," Kotetsu said suddenly really serious.

Once Iruka said “sure, whatever,” Kotetsu reached to his friend’s hand to seal the deal.

“Hey! We didn’t agree to this. Twenty dollars is a lot for this bullshit.”

“Speak for yourself, Izumo, I’m in,” Anko said, her hand shaking Iruka and Kotetsu’s hands. Now all eyes were on Izumo, who opened his mouth to complain but caved into the pressure and let out a heavy breath instead.

“Okay, fine, if this is what it takes and only because I’m a little drunk too," and soon it was a weird four hands handshake.

Now all four friends were happy, sipping their drinks in silence.

“Twenty more each if you get laid,” Kotetsu suddenly said and Anko snorted with laughter, almost spilling her drink.

“Okay, I think we are leaving," Izumo said standing up.

______________

The Emergency Care Conference was a two-hour flight away and Iruka couldn’t believe he was packing his burgundy shirt. He felt a little torn, but it was okay, sixty dollars were worth it; drunk Kotetsu was his new favorite Kotetsu. Drunk Iruka wasn’t much of a favorite.

He got to the hotel a few hours before the two-day conference started so he had time to check in and have a shower to shake the airplane feeling he definitely didn’t like. When the time came to go to the conference room, he headed to the elevator. As it went down, Iruka started to become unsure if he brought his identification card. He looked everywhere but if it wasn’t hanging around his neck, it had to be in his room. Internally cursing, he headed to the third floor again to retrieve it since he needed it to assist the conference. 

Iruka hated being late, it went against his nature. When the doors opened, he stepped out in full speed and suddenly he was covered in some cold liquid and forced to step back.

“What the…" Iruka began to curse. Then he realized he had walked straight into another person, and the iced coffee the man was holding was all over him now and also a little over the person whom he crashed with. “I am so sorry, I thought everyone would be at the conference room by now.”

“Well, it seems that we are going to be fashionably late," the man said.

“It seems that way, yes. I am also sorry about your…” Iruka smelled his shirt a little, “iced coffee?”

“Don’t worry, I probably have enough caffeine in my system to last a lifetime," he said after laughing a little.

“Well… being late isn’t my thing and I definitely need to change now," Iruka nodded slightly as a goodbye and the man waved his hand in response as he also headed to change.

Iruka would be seeing red right that second but the stranger was nice and had a weird calm attitude despite the ruined drink and clothes. The stranger was also quite good looking although he had most of his face covered. No, Iruka thought, he was _hot_. The man was tall, well exercised and had a gorgeous face; that was where the weird part came up, he was wearing an eye patch and a surgical mask, along with a black long sleeve turtleneck so basically, his body was all covered. Still, he had a mysterious vibe and yet… a hot one too? Could someone manage that?

Iruka got to the conference room just before it started; and it was a good one, Iruka was learning and enjoying himself so far. He had three more lectures, the following one being about trauma of the chest and abdomen, which he was really looking forward to.

The speaker grabbed the microphone and Iruka couldn’t believe it; the praised paramedic was iced-coffee man, the same white haired man he met at the elevator earlier that day. Iruka took a look at the schedule to put a name to the face -well, quarter of a face-, and he found it: Kakashi Hatake.

______________

With the end of the first day came the time to keep his bet to his friends. Burgundy shirt on, he sent a picture to their group chat and the responses were there in a flash. The bastards were waiting for it, Iruka thought while rolling his eyes at the half encouraging half mocking comments.

He was in the elevator when Anko asked " _how do we know you're actually there?_ ”. And just like that, his friends got into a debate on whether or not Iruka could fake the pictures to get out of the bet but getting the money anyways. They soon agreed that he could and started another discussion on how to make sure he was in the hotel bar.

" _Guys, I'm almost at the bar, I've to order something_ ," Iruka texted hoping they would decide to believe him. They soon agreed on making him order a Manhattan and sending them a picture as soon as it arrived. Whatever, he could do that.

Iruka arrived at the hotel restaurant and found a seat at the corner of the bar that would be perfect. Next to him was seated a man reading an orange book, which he found quite odd. He asked for the drink and it fortunately arrived quickly, so the picture would be believable and Izumo, Kotetsu and Anko would leave him alone. 

“Elevator guy," Iruka heard as he finished the drink. He turned to see who was talking to him and it turned out to be the guy seating next to him, the one who was reading the orange book. Iruka took a better look at him and finally realized who he was.

“Iced-coffee guy!”

“That would be me, took you a while," he said with a smile. A smile Iruka could see because the paramedic wasn’t wearing a surgical mask this time, although the eye patch was still on.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know how your face looked like," Iruka let out with a nervous laugh and called the bartender, “but you do know how I look like ”

“Maa, I could not forget your face, it just happens that I was deep into this book," the man replied casually. _Wait_ , Iruka thought, _is he flirting? Damn, I'm way out of the game to tell; probably not, though._

“Umm… You’re Hatake Kakashi, right? You were a speaker today, it was a great lecture," he changed the subject quickly as the bartender arrived. “Another one of this, and whatever he is having, please," Iruka asked pointing to Kakashi. The man nodded and walked away. 

When Iruka turned to face Kakashi, he noticed the white haired had his eyebrows raised and an amused look on his face. “I figured I owe you a drink… for the elevator thing," he explained.

“I guess you do," Kakashi smiled, “Thank you, for the drink and the praise. And yes, my name is Kakashi.”

“You’re welcome," he said. “Oh, and mine is Iruka, Umino Iruka," he added after a few second. Damn, he had even forgot basic communication skills.

The drinks arrived and the conversation kept going. It was mostly centered on the topics of the conference; since Iruka was a nurse and Kakashi a paramedic, it was the thing they had in common. But it changed to other interests and back, enough to make it a non-professional conversation as the ones other women and man were having at the restaurant. 

Iruka found talking to Kakashi surprisingly uncomplicated, he didn’t really speak to people he didn’t know about anything that wasn’t work related. He was quite rusty at conversation skills and Kakashi being hotter without the mask made him nervous enough to stutter, but the paramedic let it slip and smoothed thing over rather easily. 

“Another round?” Iruka asked after he saw Kakashi signaling the bartender to come over. 

“Did you wanted me to ask for the check? Cause I could definitely do that," Kakashi asked and bumped their shoulder with a wolfish smile. That’s when Iruka realized they were sitting close, real close. _Okay, this is flirting._

“Another round first," Iruka agreed, trying to be somehow seductive. Judging by Kakashi’s face, it worked.

The two of them were definitely more than dizzy once they got to the elevator, but both Iruka and Kakashi would say it went something like this:

“Which floor?” Iruka asked once they were in.

“Oh, you think you’re going to get lucky tonight?” Kakashi smiled. 

“You are still here," Iruka answered and leaned in to kiss him. A kiss that Kakashi reciprocated with matching force as he tried to press the third floor button.

______________

Kakashi plopped on the bed next to Iruka, both panting as they tried to regain breath. A few minutes later, Iruka stood up and noticed that the other man was already asleep; he envied him for a little bit, the sex was… vigorous to say the least. Also, some of the best Iruka had ever had. 

He headed to the bathroom, picking up his clothes in the way. He cleaned up and got dressed again, his burgundy shirt now wrinkled. Iruka got out of the bathroom and crossed the room to leave; just when he was about to exit, he heard Kakashi talk.

“That was really good. We should do that again.”

“I’ll be at the Critical Care Conference in three weeks," Iruka said and left.


	2. Iruka doesn't hum.

“He is humming.”

“What?”

“He is _humming_ ," Kanna repeated, still holding Konan’s arm so she couldn’t get to the nurse station, “Iruka, he is humming."

“Not possible, Iruka doesn’t hum," Konan replied without looking up from the chart she was reading, getting rid of Kanna’s grip. When she finally looked up, she noticed there was no one at the nurse station but Iruka, which was very unusual; Konan didn’t recall a single moment in her years as a nurse where something like that happened. “Where is everyone?” she asked her coworker. 

“Just please do something," Kanna pleaded. Konan sighed and walked over to the nurse station, standing in front of Iruka who was seated probably doing charts. _Oh_ , Konan realized, _he is actually humming_.

“Iruka," she said.

“Konan," Iruka responded following their usual greeting. He didn’t look up, just kept charting and humming. This was bad.

“You are humming," Konan pointed out.

“What? Oh, I guess I am."

“You don’t hum." Now Iruka did look at her, confusion written all over his face.

“I hum from time to time,' he defended himself.

“No, you don’t. You are acting weird; look around, there is no one here, you’re scaring the other nurses." Iruka did looked around and what Konan said was actually true, the confusion only got stronger.

“Why would humming scare them?” he asked feeling like a child.

“Listen, all you all right? Do you need anything? I can cover for you if you need to get the day off," Konan worried.

“Wait, why would humming be bad? Isn’t humming good?” Iruka asked a little relieved now that he knew Konan was the crazy one and not him.

“I don’t know, this has no precedent I can follow!”

“That’s true… I guess from now on, humming is good," Iruka tried to comfort her friend.

“Noted. But what is the cause?”

“It is a got laid hum," Iruka smiled.

“What? I don’t buy it. You? When? Who?” Konan asked, suddenly very excited. It was weird for Iruka to see her like this, she was usually calm and rather stoic.

“Some guy at the conference,” Iruka answered ignoring the first half of Konan’s questions.

Konan was about to keep the questioning going but Kanna appeared by her side.

“Oyone is coming, there was an accident or something," she informed. Not a second later, Oyone, their boss, was there.

“Listen up… wait, where is everyone?” Oyone asked.

“Iruka was humming so they left. They should be here any second, though," Kanna said.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Iruka doesn’t hum,” their boss said and Iruka could swear he saw her lips twirl up a bit, as uf she was repressing a smile. 

“Okay, now that we are all here, I can start," Oyone said when all the nurses got to the station, “there has been an accident, a train derailed not too far from here and I hear it was very nasty. Since we are a level one trauma center and the nearest hospital, the worst is coming our way; that is a lot and very rapidly, so we all need to be quick on our feet and stay smart. Try to keep order through the chaos and remember: aim to the best service and not a quick vague one. We also do not wat to run low on supplies so keep them coming. You all know what to do.”

All the nurses immediately dispersed, Iruka and Konan walking quickly side by side to get supplies. 

“So, how hot was he? He was either an angel or made some pact with the devil to get into your bed," Konan asked once they were at the door with the medical gown and gloves on, waiting for the incoming trauma.

“His bed," Iruka corrected, “stop being nosey, you’re not like this and it doesn’t suit you.”

“I know, I am just curious. Answer my question and I’ll leave you alone forever and also ignore the harsh comment you just made; I promise," and Konan’s promises were for real.

“Did you forget who we are? We are harsh and take no shit, it has always been this way."

“I will remember if you answer," Konan smiled at him.

“I was fucking humming, Konan. I don’t hum. He was hot, it was hot, everything was hot," he answered not after a long sigh.

Konan just grinned as the patients started to arrive. And Oyone was right, it was very nasty and soon it was a lot. Iruka wouldn’t have it any other way, some would say it was chaos, but everyone working at the trauma center knew it was a very coordinated one. There was a beauty and a feeling of fulfillment on seeing the order in that chaos. 

“Oh, I want that one," Konan murmured as a man entered on a stretcher while his hand entered in the paramedic’s hand, who was informing the doctors about the patient status while dumping the hand on a bucket Konan had brought.

“Oh my God," Iruka breathed out.

“Good, right?” Konan smiled.

“No. I mean, yes; but not what I meant. That’s him, the paramedic is the hot conference guy," Iruka didn't know how he got to say that many words because he was shaking and felt a cold sweat run through his spine. _No, this could not be happening, no no no._

Right then, another patient with a meter long iron bar nailed to his leg came in and Iruka got out of shock and left to attend her. But he crashed with Kakashi, who was on his way out.

“Sorry, this time it was my fault,” Kakashi laugh.

“No problem, I’ve to go," he said quickly. Kakashi saw how pale Iruka was and the worried look on his eyes.

“Me too. Can we talk later?”

“I don’t think so," Iruka replied and left, leaving Kakashi very confused.

_______________

Since the encounter with Kakashi at the hospital, Iruka had switched into work mode a little unintentionally and a little on purpose. His friends and coworkers would say he was always on work mode, but for Iruka this was different. This way, he could detach from his feelings and the ever thinking machine he had as a mind. 

People could argue it wasn’t a good thing to do, and Iruka agreed but also thought that it was a useful tool to get away -only for a while- from the worrying thoughts that haunted him; as long as it didn’t got out of hand, it was okay. Konan tried to talk to him about the weird episode with Kakashi, but he avoided every question until she gave up.

The thing with work mode was that he didn’t realize how quickly the time passed and soon the Critical Care Conference arrived. Iruka was dreading that day because maybe Kakashi would be there, although he didn’t know for sure since he never asked; and, if the paramedic attended the conference, that would mean he would have to talk to him and give some kind of explanation. 

Fortunately, he hadn’t seen Kakashi yet, but the conference had recently started. He might not be there, maybe Iruka would never see the silver haired man again. During the first break, he headed out of the room and went to the bathroom. When he came out, he bumped into someone who was entering. 

“I’m so sorry… oh, Kakashi,” he sighed. Kakashi was there after all. “Of course, who else would I bump into?” _Wait, did I say that out loud?_

“I am glad you aren’t always this clumsy," the older man laughed. 

“Yeah, being a nurse would be more difficult.”

“Hey, will I see you in the bar tonight? This hotel actually has a bar on one floor and a restaurant on another, did you know?” Kakashi changed the subject.

“I didn’t and… I don’t think so.”

“Can I ask why? You were distant at the hospital a few weeks back, too. I don’t get why would you pass on amazing sex," he smiled under the dark blue mask he was wearing and Iruka almost lost it. Kakashi was right, the sex was amazing and Iruka owed an explanation for being rude the last time he saw him.

“Fine, I’ll see you at the bar tonight. Only to talk," Iruka answered. Kakashi smiled again, feeling accomplished and left without a word.

_______________

Iruka had a shower and headed to the hotel bar with a mantra that repeated “do not sleep with him” over and over again. He saw Kakashi, sat next to him and order a drink, he would need it.

“So… about that explanation?” Kakashi broke the ice.

“I don’t date nor sleep with people who work at the same hospital I do," Iruka explained.

“We don’t have to have a relationship if you don’t want to. I am not ready anyways, it’s just to have fun, nothing serious," Kakashi proposed and Iruka felt the paramedic’s leg rubbing against his.

“I don’t think it is a good idea. I…” Iruka took a breath while he thought of a way to phrase what he wanted so say because Kakashi’s leg was doing things to him, “I have solid foundation for this rule I have, that’s all."

“May I ask how solid?” Kakashi raised the brow over his uncovered eye. 

“Very solid experience, I am clearly not over it. I am not ready to break the rule, sorry." How the hell did Kakashi know his weak spot? Iruka loved legs brushing against each other under the table, the intimacy gave him goosebumps. 

“Well, if it helps, I technically don’t work in the hospital, I just go there from time to time for a bit. _And_ , I work for the ambulance company, not the hospital," Kakashi said brushing his shoulder against Iruka’s. 

Between the legs, the shoulders, Kakashi’s bare gorgeous face and the memory of the great chemistry they had in bed, Iruka caved. “Fuck it, that’s good enough," he said and leaned in to kiss Kakashi.


	3. Habits.

Not meeting Kakashi in Konoha meant control for Iruka. It meant it wasn’t a real relationship and wasn’t going to become one. It felt like safety. Safety from the mistakes he made in the past and the possibility of the bad things that happened on his last relationship ever happening again.

If he only saw Kakashi at conferences, if Kakashi was only real there, he was secure. It was also a good way of keeping the habit under control.

You see, for Iruka, experience dictated that having sex was kind of like a habit. And his theory was well supported by said experience. When he had sex frequently, he craved the next time more and more every time, as if it was a dose he had to get. If a lot of time passed in between doses, he would get really impatient and cranky. It was like smoking; he urged the next cigarette like crazy. 

Once he had stopped having sex every few days, he felt he was going to go mental. It felt like that for like two months but then, everything slowed down. Iruka didn’t believe he has going crazy anymore, he got used to not sleep around or have a boyfriend. Now, sex wasn’t something he craved or needed to feel complete. Maybe he had forgotten how it felt, but it didn’t matter anyway.

So, sex was a habit. When you have it, you can’t stop but, when you do stop, it isn’t that big of a deal anymore.

Oh, but now… Now he was getting some. Kakashi came into his life to break the current habit: the no-sex one. Now, Iruka remembered how sex felt and liked how it felt. He had been asleep and now that he was awake, he didn’t want to go to sleep again.

The Conferences were about a month apart, and after a while, Kakashi and Iruka exchanged phone numbers so that they could know each other’s rooms and skip drinks if they felt like it; after Iruka’s warning that went something like: “and that’s it, no texting me back in Konoha or you won’t see me ever again, am I clear?” and Kakashi didn’t want to lose a limb so he complied. 

“So, why so many trauma and emergency conferences?” Kakashi asked after the first round. They were at the Pre-Hospital Care Conference, but currently in Kakashi’s hotel room bed. 

“I am thinking about getting certificated as a trauma nurse,” Iruka answered as he stood up to go to the bathroom.

“I thought you already were one.”

“I am, and a damn good one. But I am not certificated, and conferences provide useful information and tools I can use in the meantime.”

Surprisingly, Kakashi also was at the Nursing Conference; and Iruka thought it was a gift from some sex God that took mercy upon him because conferences had started to not be enough. The gray haired man was a paramedic, so he had no business at that specific conference. 

“Oh, I am a speaker," Kakashi answered when Iruka asked. The paramedic took the younger man’s program and opened it, “5.00 pm, see?”

“Why are you almost always a speaker?”

“Because I am a damn good one," he joked, “also, I have a nice amount of experience under my belt."

“Mmm… I didn’t know you called that _experience_ ," Iruka whispered.

“I can show you all my experience tonight if you’d like."

That night both Iruka and Kakashi enjoyed the experience under the older man’s belt. Twice, and they were catching some air in order to go one last round, lying on the bed of Kakashi’s hotel bedroom. Iruka was giving his back to Kakashi, who asked:

“Hey, how did you get this scar on your back?” referring to the medium size that in Kakashi’s mind looked like a big spider with a lot of legs on the small of the nurse’s back. Iruka turned to face Kakashi, who was still wearing his eye patch, never took it off. 

Iruka didn’t say anything but slowly ran his finger from the top of the scar that bisected Kakashi’s face to the bottom, going over the eye patch.

“Scars are personal," he finally answered ang got up to clean up. Kakashi got the message.

The gray haired man fulfilled the itch for sex nicely, actually, Iruka would say more than nicely. He would always remember the night at the Emergency Care and Trauma Conference.

“Oh my God, I don’t believe I can stand up anytime soon," Iruka said after Kakashi plopped next to him as covered in sweat as he was. 

“I am sorry," Kakashi said a bit shyly, but it was only a second because the shyness turned into perversion as quick as it came. “You can leave me like that next time, and we will be even," he proposed with a side smile, and Iruka started to laugh. “What is it?” Kakashi asked.

“You want me to top?” Iruka asked when he calmed down.

“Not if you don’t want to, I didn’t know you didn’t top," Kakashi quickly answered.

“No, I do. Did. I don’t know, it’s been a long time.”

“How long?”

“Umm…High school, I think,” Iruka answered sheepishly.

“Oh, that’s…”

“Near a decade, I know.”

“Why though?” Kakashi asked and Iruka could sense real concern. Well, maybe it wasn’t concern but… genuine interest in his life.

“Um… I…” Iruka began.

“Oh, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me," Kakashi jumped in, although he still showed interest.

“It’s fine. I had this boyfriend in college and he… wasn’t nice. He was a strict top and used to say ugly things about bottoming and me, and me bottoming. Anyways, after that I thought I could never top, so I never did," he explained.

“Shit, I… I am so sorry, Iruka. Your ex was an asshole," Iruka smiled a bit because of the irony and in appreciation of Kakashi’s words. “You don’t have to feel pressured into doing anything," Kakashi added. Now the look in his face was concern.

“I know. Still, next time you won’t be able to stand up, I’ll have to clean you up myself," Iruka said at the same time as he stood up to get dressed and leave. Shame, he missed Kakashi’s grin.

The thing with habits is that they don’t last forever, sooner or later they break. And monthly conferences end too, they cost money and time away from work. Sure, Iruka worked a lot more than he needed to, so that was covered but he could use more time. And money, he couldn’t afford Naruto’s five plates of ramen per dinner for much longer. 

Also, November had just started which meant the year was ending, so there weren’t many conferences left; Iruka had only two more scheduled. The Trauma Complications Conference would be the last time Iruka would see Kakashi. Well, of course he could see Kakashi back in Konoha but Iruka would not risk it.

“So… this is my last conference," Iruka said over drinks that night.

“Of the year?” Kakashi asked.

“Mhm, no. I don’t think I am going to assist any next year. This is it," Iruka said and had a big sip of his drink as if he could disappear in that glass.

“This is not it; you can see me in Konoha.”

“You don’t exist in Konoha," Iruka blurted out. Wait, was he drunk already?

Kakashi laughed at his words. Iruka liked that about him, Kakashi didn’t got mad. Ever. And Iruka had a tendency of talking without thinking, but the gray haired man always laughed and brushed it off like it wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe it wasn’t.

“You know I do exist in Konoha, even though you decide to avoid me.”

“What? No, I don’t," Iruka rushed to answered but it was evident he was lying.

“When I get to the hospital, you never take my patients. I think you have a deal with the purple haired lady, she always takes care of the cases I bring." Oh, and Kakashi was also smart but Iruka wasn’t currently liking that.

“Maybe I do, but if I was out of line, you can punish me when we finish our drinks," Iruka said and winked at him at the end. Kakashi laughed and shook his head at that. Of course he wouldn’t fight Iruka.

“So… last night," Kakashi broke the silence.

“… Yeah."

“We should make it special then.”

Kakashi did made it special and Iruka reciprocated every move he could. That night was different from the others. Iruka wouldn’t know how to describe it, things were… slower, they took their time instead of rushing it, instead of some quick one night stand.

Slow kisses like they were shamelessly exploring each other, Kakashi’s caresses giving the other man goosebumps, Iruka’s hands everywhere, a hand on a neck deepening the kiss, two lascivious looks like they couldn’t control desire. Every move added up to what seemed to be more than sex.

Could it be more? Were they beyond sex? Were they making love? No, love was difficult, messy. Things with Kakashi were easy, it couldn’t be love. And Iruka liked easy, _loved_ easy. It was like a breath of fresh air after everything that happened to him, Iruka wouldn’t mess it up with love. That was for other people.

And then it was over, and they were laying on the bed side by side, legs intertwined and trying to come back to their bodies after giving so much to the other.

“That was…” Kakashi started to talk quiet and slowly.

“The best," Iruka interrupted, and the other man nodded in agreement. 

After a while, Iruka sat down.

“You could stay and sleep here. You know that, right?" _You could have always stayed_ went without saying.

“I know," Iruka murmured. And then he got up, got dressed and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was definitely transitional but kinda necessary for what's coming next, which is a lot of truths unveiled at once. Anyways, I hope you liked it! See you next chapter<3


	4. Naruto is not my kid.

“Male patient, fifteen years old. We got on scene and found him with agonal respiration, sinus is sixty eight and blood pressure, 90 over 60. He survived a few small bombs and has multiple injuries: left foot is de-gloved, multiple lacerations and stabs wounds made with pieces of glass all over the body. One mayor at the side of the abdomen with severe bleeding," is what Kakashi said incredibly fast as he went into the hospital while pumping the balloon shaped part of the ambu bag that was providing oxygen to the kid who laying on the stretcher Tenzo, Kakashi’s coworker, was pushing.

The paramedic continued to tell the doctors all of the boy’s facts while he was replaced on respiration duty by one of them. Konan arrived shortly after and, once they got the patient into a trauma room, she turned around to face the staff that was out.

“If Iruka arrives, he can’t come in. Understand?” She said in a commanding voice. All the other nurses and doctors nodded and dispersed.

“What? Why can’t he assist?” Kakashi asked, feeling left behind as he missed the internal code everyone seemed to understand. Konan gave him a stern look before answering.

“This is his kid," she said and got into the room closing the doors behind her.

_____________________

Kakashi had found Naruto lying on the floor a few moments after the last bomb detonated. The kid always got nasty injuries, but this time the doctors rushed him into surgery. 

Truth was that Naruto ended up in the hospital quite often. And if he didn’t, he landed at the police station. The blond got into a lot of fights but always with bad guys, he couldn’t tolerate injustice in any form and felt like it was his duty to stand up for those he couldn’t do it for themselves. Because of public disturbance, the boy had a lot of trips to the police station. But everyone there knew Naruto and understood that he was fighting the good fight, even though he was still a kid. Besides, he charmed everyone with his speeches. So, he would be detained for a few hours and then let go because he was a minor and, slowly but surely, was also cleaning up the streets with the rest of the cops.

Naruto believed with absolute certainty that he could eliminate Konoha’s biggest gang, with or without help. The police could barely intervene in Akatsuki’s business, it was a tricky situation because they were that good. Since Naruto wasn’t a cop, he didn’t care if he could or couldn’t legally ruin their plans and try to kick their asses. Therefore, he visited the hospital a lot.

Actually, the police station is where Kakashi first met Naruto. The paramedic wasn’t always a paramedic, he used to be a cop. Soon after they first met, Kakashi became what Naruto described as his “number one arresting officer."

Kakashi used to be the first to arrive at the scene to pick the blond up and take him to the police station where they would eat ramen. A few months later, Kakashi started training him so that he could defend himself better but also hoping Naruto would become a cop himself when he reached the appropriate age.

Naruto wasn’t always alone, he was mostly accompanied by Sasuke, a dark haired kid that always looked bored but still followed his friend, and Sakura, a loud girl with pink hair and strong spirit. Kakashi tried to teach them all but they left one by one, and then he resigned his job as a cop. Now Naruto called him his “number one paramedic."

Because he was like the kid’s personal paramedic. He was too slow when he was a cop, slow to teach the kids, slow to keep them safe, slow to stop Sasuke from leaving, slow to rescue Naruto when he did, slow to untap Sakura’s potential. Maybe they grew too fast. Maybe everything happened at once. But now, as a paramedic, as a first responder, he swore he would be as fast as he could. He felt responsible for everything that happened to the trio of kids and owed it to them to at least try to save them.

So, when Naruto got into surgery, he took the rest of the day off to stay at the hospital. He sat on the chair next to the blond’s bed and waited for him to wake up. He didn’t usually do this but this time, the fight against an Akatsuki member, Deidara, had bigger consequences and the kid had no one.

_____________________

“Konan," Iruka greeted when he arrived at the hospital, ready to start his shift.

“Iruka," the purple haired nurse answered and stood up from the chair she was sitting on.

“Is everything alright?” the man asked when he saw her friend’s face.

“Naruto. Bomb explosion, a few burns and multiple stabbings by sharp pieces of glass; the biggest one on his abdomen. He had surgery and it was successful. Room 274, here is the chart," she said stoic as ever as she handed the chart in. Iruka got paler and paler with every word.

“Thanks," Iruka said as he grabbed it, but Konan didn’t let go of it quite yet.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“No need to worry," Iruka answered and Konan let go to the chart to see the nurse run to room 274.

The brown haired nurse rushed to the room while reading the chart, which was a good idea so that he could get a picture of what was happening; therefore, he wouldn’t freak out as much. When he walked in and saw Kakashi sitting by Naruto’s bed, he was as confused as ever.

“What are you doing here? What happened? Is Naruto okay?” he asked.

“He is fine. I know it may not be the right moment to do this this, but is Naruto your kid?” Kakashi hit back and stood up.

“Naruto is lying on a bed, post-surgery. It definitely isn’t the time. Can we talk later?”

“You said I didn’t exist in Konoha, will there be a later?”

“Fine, whatever. Who told you that?” Iruka gave up.

“Nurse with purple hair. Is this why you don’t want to see me here, in Konoha?” Kakashi asked and Iruka cursed Konan internally.

“What? No, I… Naruto is not my kid," Iruka answered as he tried to arrange the train of thought running through his mind. Kakashi raised a brow and Iruka sighed while he went to sit down, and the paramedic did the same.

“It is complicated, okay? He is an orphan and gets into a lot of trouble. Like _a lot_ of trouble. I have dinner with him whenever I can, offer him a bed to sleep whenever he wants and cure his injuries when he comes here. I take care of Naruto; always have", Iruka explained.

“He really does get into a lot of trouble," Kakashi laughed.

“How do you know him?”

“Um… I used to be a cop not that long ago. I detained him a lot, and then I started training him at the gym my friend Gai owns. Now it seems like I am like his personal paramedic or something," Kakashi explained.

“No way. You are Scarecrow," Iruka realized.

“What?”

“Naruto told me about the guy who taught him martial arts, he calls you Scarecrow. I never really connected the dots," he explained and Kakashi laughed.

“Yeah, I understand why," and now Iruka laughed. It was kind of a good nickname; crazy white hair, nasty scar, eyepatch, half of his face almost always covered… he could get it.

“Hey, I am going to grab some dinner to eat here, I am working after all and I don’t think Naruto is going to wake up anytime soon. Are you staying? Do you want some?” Iruka asked.

“Um, yes; I took the day off to stay. What are you grabbing?”

“Great, you can fill me in on the details of what the hell happened then. I think ramen would be appropriate," Iruka said with a smile.

“Maybe the smell will wake him up," Kakashi joked back. Iruka smiled and headed to the door but stopped just before leaving.

“This doesn’t mean anything, alright?” Iruka clarified. Kakashi didn’t answer, just smiled and shook his head while rolling his eyes.

Oyone and Konan made sure Iruka didn’t had to work much that night because of two reasons: one being that Naruto was injured and the second being that Iruka was eating, talking and laughing with another human being. Not a coworker, not an old friend; someone new. So, they had an implicit pact of not ruining it for him, it was exciting to watch a workaholic have a life.

Finally, after dinner and a good laugh, Iruka and Kakashi fell asleep on the chairs next to Naruto.

_____________________

With the first week of December arrived the Surviving Trauma Conference, the last one Iruka had scheduled. He hadn’t told Kakashi because it was a personal one. This particular conference was different. It did have some lectures about bedside manner, psychology and themes like that, but it was more focused on health workers that went through trauma themselves. The congress had insight on how to perform better at work without breaking apart, while still acknowledging feelings. 

Therefore, when he crashed with Kakashi while leaving his room to head to the first lecture, he was astonished, to say the least.

“We have to stop meeting like this," Kakashi said when he regained balance. Iruka just kneeled down to pick up the key card to his room and his identification tag. 

“I didn’t know I was going to see you here; you said the Trauma Complications Conference was going to be the last one," Kakashi mentioned since Iruka was still wordless.

“I thought I wouldn’t see you here either, so that one would’ve been the last one," Iruka explained.

“Okay," Kakashi said and walked off.

Okay?, Iruka thought, what the hell did “okay” mean? Kakashi was always easy to talk to, he brushed off uncomfortable stuff and put up with Iruka’s fright of commitment like a boss. Iruka even said Kakashi didn’t exist. Normal, sane people don’t say that. Well, people on their right mind wouldn’t say it was fine either. 

Kakashi’s okay was a distant answer. Impersonal, cold. And leaving after? Maybe he finally got sick of Iruka. Not that it mattered, right? They already had a last-night and said their goodbyes, things between them were over. Naruto’s accident was a weird bonus.

Iruka looked at the program, trying to get his mind off Kakashi but noticed he wasn’t a speaker; which meant he was attending on his own. He also found out that there were optional group therapies, and went to sign in.

_____________________

“Who would like to go next? It is just sharing, talking about trauma is the best way to heal," the therapist in charged said. Iruka had gone mute a while ago, he didn’t know he would be at the same therapy group as Kakashi.

“Hi, my name is Kakashi and I am a paramedic," Kakashi grabbed the attention, “um… I used to be a cop before this, and I also went to war with my two best friends, Rin and Obito. Back there, we were doing a routine mission and it… it got complicated. I was young and cocky and I um… made a bad decision that cost me my eye and… Obito’s life. He got crushed by a rockslide after pushing me out of the way. It should’ve been me,"hee then made a long pause, but nobody dared to make a noise.

“He wasn’t ready to die. He loved Rin but never told her, wanted to be the mayor and had such a strong will… but he died anyways. She also died, Rin, not that long after him. I guess death doesn’t care about our plans.

“When I came back, I had to be a cop again. It didn’t feel right though, it just wasn’t my calling anymore. Therefore, I am now a paramedic. Maybe it is because of them, Rin was a doctor after all. Maybe this time I could be faster, save people instead of…” the gray aired man swallowed before he continued talking, trying to avoid all the stares.

“Konoha, where I am from, has a highway on a mountain and there are sometimes rockslides… it’s hard. Sometimes, I don’t respond immediately the call when it’s some accident like that, hoping other paramedic will take it. My partner knows why and says he understands but… I know it isn’t right. Still, from time to time we have to rescue someone from under a rock or something and… they all have Obito’s face. So, yeah… that’s me, I guess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo
> 
> Just wanted to say that Naruto is fine and that I'll have next chapter up by tomorrow or the day after that, where we'll see what Iruka has to share.
> 
> Hope you liked it! <3


	5. The things you carry.

“Hi, Kakashi. I just… I am sorry, about your friends," Iruka said. The meeting had finished without him sharing, they were now grabbing some coffee on the corner of the room as the other people from the therapy group were too. 

“What are we doing, Iruka?” Kakashi asked dryly.

“Excuse me?”

“You won’t talk to me in Konoha and said the last conference would actually be our last. But then I bring Naruto to the hospital and we are suddenly friends. As soon as I stepped out of the room, I was a stranger again. And now you are here, and we are friendly again?” Kakashi let out. Oh, the man did get angry.

“I am sorry, I didn’t know you-”

“Were human? Because I get it if you didn’t recover from your last relationship, I get it if you just want to fuck. I can do that. But you are sending all kinds of signals I can’t understand," Kakashi cut him off.

“I didn’t want to have any kind of relationship because I got beat up by my last partner, and I have a no-dating coworkers policy because he also got me fired from the last one. So, no, I didn’t recover yet," Iruka said and then he went to sit down on the nearest chair and looked at Kakashi, waiting for him to follow. The paramedic looked around and saw the room was empty, so he obliged and sat next to him.

“My story is pretty much the same as any other. He was charming, sweet, caring. And I was young and naïve, waiting for someone to love me. I was a middle-school teacher… Well, I never really got to be one. I went to college and, when I was nineteen, I got a job at a local school. I met Naruto there… and I also met Mizuki, the asshole ex I told you about a few conferences back, a high school science teacher. He was really nice to me; he would buy my lunch and leave me cute notes. Soon, we began dating and it was really good. I was young, but I was sure he was the real thing. 

“But it didn’t last long. At first, he would say he was better than me because he taught high schoolers and not little kids, then because he topped and I bottomed, and so on. It escalated from that and soon I had burn marks on my arms. He smoked and would accidentally burn me, but I think he did it on purpose… he liked to see me marked by him. I got a few other marks from sex, too. He also convinced me to stop seeing my friends, he felt lonely when I did and believed they weren’t good for me; he just said that because they were trying to make me dump him.

“Then I decided to shelter Naruto. It was not like he would live with me because I couldn’t really afford that and I, again, was very young; but he would spend some nights at my apartment, and we would grab dinner a few nights a week. Mizuki really didn’t like that at all. If we were fighting before that, it wasn’t like the new fights. It got physical, but I would blame it on me or on Mizuki’s poor temper. He made me believe no one would ever love me but him, that I wasn’t worth loving and he was like a hero for doing it. And I believed him, of course, he had been brain washing me since the start. 

“I thought he truly loved me despite everything, that he was being possessive because he was jealous and wanted to spend more time with me. One night, we were fighting over the Naruto thing and well… he pushed me through the glass door that lead to my balcony,", Iruka said and Kakashi gasped almost involuntarily.

“The scar on your back,” Kakashi realized, “is it from that?”

“It is… And it is also why I thought the worse when Naruto was stabbed with glass the other day. Mizuki took me to the hospital and made me tell everyone it was an accident. I had cuts all over me but there was a big sharp glass stabbing me on the small of the back. After surgery, I had to stay there for some time because I was paralyzed for a while. The day before I could leave, I broke up with him.

“When I came back to work, they fired me. Mizuki had told my bosses that I was a drug addict and was stealing supplies from the school’s infirmary, I was too dangerous to be around kids. He was so angry about me leaving… He thought that if I was fired, I would depend on him and therefore, couldn’t leave.”

“But wait, why did they believe him?” Kakashi asked.

“Mizuki was charismatic and charming like that. He could convince you of everything, even things that did not make a lot of sense. Besides, I was burned, bruised, scratched and had big bags under my eyes. Also, he told them that I went to the hospital so that I could get high on morphine and pain killers. So, in their heads, it added up to a somewhat credible story. I lost my job and you know how fast rumors travel fast in Konoha. I could not get a job anywhere else, so studying to be a teacher became kind of pointless," Iruka explained.

“But… what about the truth? Wouldn’t the school believe it?” Kakashi intervened.

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t have told them anyways. Mizuki had already made me believe it wasn’t a convincing story; I was scared and stupid enough to still love him despite everything. So, there I was, twenty years old and nowhere to go. So, I took the fall and changed career," Iruka answered.

“That’s why you don’t date people who work on the hospital. That would explain why I don’t exist back in Konoha," the gray haired realized.

“Yeah, that would be it. I like my job, and I need it too; I can’t risk losing it. I am sorry about that, by the way. You do exist in Konoha, I know that," Iruka apologized. 

“Maa, don’t worry about it.”

“Mizuki came back a year before I graduated. He had gotten a new boyfriend and came to my apartment to tell me that I was a better lover and he missed me. I tried to kick him out, but he wouldn’t leave. He was so drunk that night he got a little paranoid, said I was seeing someone and hiding it from him. Mizuki was really jealous, so much that he took a knife from my kitchen. _‘If you aren’t with me, you can’t be with anyone’_ , he said. Then he tried to stab me, but I grabbed his hands.

“Naruto arrived right at that second, we were supposed to have dinner together. He screamed, and I got distracted so I let Mizuki go. He cut my hand, a superficial cut, but you know that hand cuts bleed a lot. Naruto kicked Mizuki out and I took care of the wound. Then I went to the police station and filled a report. He went to jail for a while, I think he has been in and out ever since. The school sent me an apology and offered me a job; I turned it down, clearly, I was on a different path and wanted to leave it all behind me," Iruka concluded.

“I am so sorry, Iruka. That’s… horrible, more than what anyone should go through," Kakashi said.

“You went to war, Kakashi, you saw your friends die. I was just… dumb," Iruka smiled shyly.

“You are not dumb, that wasn’t your fault.”

“I know… I am still working on it. I just… I am sorry about how I treated you from the start. I know you don’t deserve my shit. I just want to end things more… peacefully, I guess," Iruka apologized.

“It’s fine, Iruka. Thank you for the explanation, though.”

“I think I kinda needed it too," Iruka said and they both laughed a little.

“I also shared at the group because I needed it, but mainly because I wanted you to know. My past is there and it’s something I carry with me everywhere, but it doesn’t define me. I like to think I am more than that, better. At least I try. When you are ready to try, call me if I’m around," Kakashi said.

“That’s… a strong thing to do, honestly,” Iruka low-key praised, “in the mid-time, you exist in Konoha. And I’ll break the pact with Konan, I’ll nurse your patients again."

“Thank you, that’s very considerate," Kakashi said laughing, “is Konan her name, then? The purple haired nurse?”

“That would be her."

“I like her."

“Me too," Iruka laughed.


	6. It is a small world.

“Genma? From the bomb squad? We know him!” Izumo said.

“Shit, I was hoping you wouldn’t," Anko cursed.

“Why?” Kotetsu asked.

“I think it’s because we are a little annoying,” Iruka answered for Anko and took a sip of his beer. It was January and they were currently at their usual bar, waiting for the man Anko was dating. Izumo and Kotetsu looked at her for confirmation and, when she nodded, they gasped, surprised.

“Don’t dare to deny it," Anko threatened, “he’s coming over with some friends, so let’s all try to be normal this night, please, for me.”

“I don’t know if you can do that, Anko," Kotetsu mocked her. Anko’s hand was about to hit his friend’s arm when they all heard someone call her name.

The four of them turned their heads to see a brown shoulder-length haired man with a bandana on his head and a toothpick in his mouth approach, followed by three other man and a woman. 

“Genma!” Anko exclaimed and greeted him with a kiss.

“Hey, babe,” he answered, “oh, this are my friends, Raido," he said introducing a man with spiky brown hair and a scar on the side of his face, “Asuma," who was a man with a beard and a cigarette on his lips, “Kurenai," whose eyes were blood red and was the only girl, “and Kakashi." 

_And Kakashi?! Had this man to be everywhere?_

“Captain!” Izumo and Kotetsu exclaimed at the same time as they stood up in a rigid, military salute.

“Izumo, Kotetsu, what’s up?” Kakashi said, “at ease, at ease. I am not a soldier anymore, nor are you two," he added when neither of them moved.

“Oh, sorry, old habits die hard I guess," Kotetsu said, relaxing his body again.

“You know each other?” Iruka asked in a little bit of a shock.

“Hey, Iruka. Yes, we served together," Kakashi answered.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Izumo rephrased the question.

“Um… yeah, we-”

“We met at a _work_ conference about a year ago," Iruka interrupted Kakashi. Anko, Izumo and Kotetsus’ faces changed into a devilish grin Iruka knew it far too well to not be afraid of it.

“Well, it seems that everyone knows everyone," Genma said grabbing the attention. Iruka would thank him some day for saving him from the information hungry hyenas that were they friends. 

They all laughed and seated while Anko introduced her friends to Genma’s. Asuma, Raido and Kurenai were also cops, so Izumo and Kotetsu knew them too. Besides, Asuma’s dad was like a godfather to Iruka, so they were familiar. It seemed like Konoha was getting smaller every year.

“Kotetsu, Izumo, how’ve you been?” Genma asked.

“Nothing changed, honestly. The station’s been quiet for a while," Kotetsu answered.

“Right, things are kinda boring without our favorite blond kid bringing us some trouble," Genma said, “hey, Iruka, long time no see."

“You know Iruka, too?!” Anko intervened. 

“Well, since Iruka has slept with half of Konoha’s population, it wou-” Kotetsu said.

“Hey! Don’t be mean," Izumo scolded, “he has only slept with half of Konoha’s gays and bisexuals," he added and the whole table laughed but Iruka, who looked away embarrassed. He made eye contact with Kakashi, who raised an eyebrow at him, with a smile under the mask that covered the bottom half of his face. Iruka shrugged and looked away.

“It was a long time ago! You know I don’t sleep around anymore," Iruka tried to comfort Anko, who seemed like she would pass out any minute.

“I guess I’ll have to say goodbye to a normal night, then," Anko sighed with his face buried in her hands.

“I didn’t know Konoha could be this small," Kurenai laughed. _Me neither_ , Iruka thought.

“Yeah, we all know each other but Anko. It’s weird you haven’t met before," Asuma said to Genma and Anko.

“We could’ve met in a party or something. Instead, I asked for her number because every time I picked my nephew from school, I got to see his gorgeous teacher and had to ask her out," Genma said.

“At least it’s a story full of good old inspiring love!” Kurenai exclaimed as the couple kissed.

Good old inspiring love Iruka’s ass. He knew that didn’t exist. At least not for him. Sure, some people were drawn by each other and had a special connection. But that was why it was special, because it didn’t happen to most people. And Iruka was most people.

The nurse was annoyed that night; he hadn’t expected to see Kakashi outside the hospital and felt invaded. Besides, Kotetsu and Izumo knew him; they would bother Iruka forever. The man should stop bumping into him now that things were over. 

________________________

Iruka had managed to simultaneity avoid his friend’s interrogation and awkward moments with Kakashi that would reveal their past relationship that night. How he did it, he has no idea. Of course, his luck couldn’t last forever. It was two or three weeks later when he and his friends were at the bar again.

“Iruka, who are you texting at half past one on a Friday night?” Anko inquired. It was a little late and they were all already wasted, but no one had to work the next day, so they didn’t care.

“I can’t believe it! It’s a booty call!” Kotetsu exclaimed.

“Where would he meet people for a booty call? He only goes out with us," Izumo pondered.

“I am here, guys," Iruka said but his friends didn’t pay him any attention, so he kept texting.

“Unless he went out with Konan," Kotetsu considered.

“I don’t think so, they only see each other at the hospital," Anko said.

“Oh, you idiots. It was at a conference!” Izumo said and you could almost see a bright lighting bulb over his head. Anko and Kotetsu had one too when they understood what he was talking about. All three had shiny eyes and that grin on their faces again. They were looking at Iruka, expecting an answer, demanding one. _Hyenas._

“Maybe," he answered with a sigh.

“Were you wearing a burgundy shirt?” Izumo asked exited. “I have a hunch, humor me,” he added when he saw Iruka’s confused look.

“What are you trying to say?” Iruka asked back.

“You met Kakashi around a year ago, about the same time we made you have a drink at that conference. We think he is sixty-dollar man," his friend explained.

“That isn’t a nice nick name.”

“Oh God, you did sleep with him!” Anko almost shouted. 

“I never said that!"

“Oh, you don't have to; when we know, we know. Kotetsu, you owe us twenty bucks," Anko said.

“No, wait, Iruka didn’t say he did it," Kotetsu complained.

“Well, he didn’t deny it either, pay up," Izumo stated. 

“…Iruka?” Kotetsu asked. Now all eyes were on the nurse, waiting for the answer. He closed his eyes but opened them right away, he was so drunk he felt like he was on a boat under a storm. 

“Fine. Yes, I did sleep with him," Iruka sighed. Izumo and Anko cheered but Kotetsu seemed frustrated. “I can’t believe you had a bet about this.”

“Oh, we have two bets. Was it more than once?” Anko asked.

“Yeah," Iruka answered. Now Kotetsu seemed more frustrated, Anko confused and Izumo even more cheerful. 

“I don’t get it! The stick… it isn’t gone! And you’ve been having sex!” Kotetsu complained.

“That’s why my bet was that you have hooked up with him once!” Anko joined the complaint. 

“Guys, the stick didn’t show up just because he doesn’t sleep around anymore," Izumo explained.

“Right! I am… uptight or whatever, it doesn’t have to do with my sex life. It’s honestly stupid to think sex could change a person so much. Besides, I can unwind, I go out with you quite frequently. Look, I am drunk right now!” Iruka remarked.

“I told you! Now, you two give my money," Izumo said to Anko and Kotetsu, “and you," he turned to Iruka, “you go get some.”

Iruka happily obliged, he had already ordered an uber so he went outside to wait for it. 

The last time he had saw Kakashi, he barely spoke to him. And the time before that, they ended things and decided to stay friends. Until Iruka was ready to try. Was he ready? Maybe he was just drunk.

Maybe it was that life kept putting Kakashi in his way and he kept pushing him away. Maybe he has ready to see the Universe’s signs and follow them.

Or maybe, sharing his story with Kakashi and the paramedic’s words had inspired him. He had been thinking about them ever since. It was true, his past shouldn’t define him. He was more than a man with a nasty ex, more than a beaten up guy, more than a victim. 

It was true, people are better than what happened to them. They are better despite the past. Iruka was better. He was a great nurse, a loyal friend and a good older brother/godfather to Naruto. He was a good person, he volunteered on a dog shelter and in a nursing home. He should focus more on that side of him.

Maybe he was ready to try.

________________________

_It is a smart move. They never capture the doctor, they never torture the doctor for information. So, the doctor would carry said sensitive information. The tactic had been working so far with other teams. Smart._

__

_We engage in a fight but are very quickly outnumbered. Why did I have to be the sniper on this one? I want to be down there, I want to protect the doctor, they can get the information if the get her. I want to protect Rin._

__

_I am laying on the floor, and I can see them through the telescopic sight of my rifle. Rin is fine. A man with covered face and blond hair approaches Jinin, a teammate. I aim for the head. He drops. Tall dude with a knife a little further. I aim. He drops. Tanned women at the right. I aim. She drops. Slender guy with black hat. I aim. He drops. Orange haired women with big gun. I aim. She drops._

__

_I look for Rin again. It rained yesterday and the field is still muddy. There are a lot of bodies. Where is she? A short guy stands up, he isn’t dead; he was hiding. I aim. He drops. There aren’t many more people alive. She has to be._

__

_I count maybe four of ours. And like ten of theirs. We are screwed, we need to go now but they won’t let us do that easily. Rin! There she is. Shit, there she is. Two man have her and are yelling at my teammates. I can’t hear. What’s happening? A grenade explodes near them, not near enough tough. They fell but I can see they aren’t harmed._

__

_They may be more, but they are cornered against the mountain and can’t get to the road without going though us. We are outnumbered but there is no way they can do that. Another grenade is thrown to them but not near Rin._

__

_The man at Rin’s right grabs the radio she keeps on her vest._

__

_“Is this the captain?” I hear. I grab my radio._

__

_“It is," I say._

__

_“Surrender, we have the doctor. We know you carry your information through them. It is over, back off if you don’t want a bigger blood bath," he says. Fuck, we are getting more screwed by the minute. Protocol says that if one of us gets captured, we have to be killed so we don’t get a chance to surrender information._

__

_I look at Rin. She looks right at where I am, she knows I have my eyes on her. She is sweaty and dirty from the mud. She looks tired. But she has this look on her eyes, she isn’t scared. That scares me. She is trying to say something with her eyes. And I understand it._

__

_I love you too, Rin. I wish you could hear it._

__

_Protocol is sometimes bullshit. I aim at the guy holding the radio._

__

_“I don’t think so," I say. I leave the radio and pull the trigger. He should drop. Why isn’t he on the floor? He shouldn’t be standing._ They always drop. _I look down. Time suddenly freezes, it’s slower._

__

_Rin._

__

_She is on the floor. She got on they way, I was aiming at the guy. I shot the guy. Rin isn’t dead yet, but her chest is quickly turning red. She is still looking at the spot I am at; but I am hidden and too far, she can’t really see me._

__

_Rin smiles at me. Her eyes tear up, but it’s not from fear or sadness. Those are goodbye tears._

__

_I aim at the other guy who was holding her. He drops. My teammates take down a few more._

__

_I can’t see my targets clearly anymore. I aim. They drop._

__

_I aim._

__

_They drop._

__

_Over._

__

_And over._

__

_Suddenly, I run out of targets. Where are they? It’s been only a minute, they can’t be all gone yet. I look around and confirm there aren’t more enemies. There aren’t also any teammates._

__

_It’s just me._

__

_I stand up and, as I go to grab my rifle, I see that my hands are red. I rub them on my pants, and they clear up for a second. They quickly become red again. What is this? Oh, I know this smell._

__

_It’s blood._

__

_Crimson blood is coming from my hands, but I am not injured. It won’t come out. The thick blood is slowly covering all my body. I shake my wands, rub them on my pants. It’s no use._

__

_There is red on my pants, red on my shirt, red on my arms. There is red on my hands._

Kakashi woke up grasping desperately for air. While he tried to even his respiration, the gray haired noticed that he was covered in sweat and that the sheets were damped. Great, now he had to change them. 

He stood up and went to wash his hands to the bathroom. Then he had a shower. When he came out, he picked up his phone and saw he had a text message, received two minutes ago.

 **Iruka:** _u up?_

The paramedic knew that once he woke, there was no going back to sleep; so sure, why not? He was up.

 **Kakashi:** _depends_

 **Kakashi:** _what r u up to?_

It didn’t take long to get an answer.

 **Iruka:** _how does ur dick in my mouth sound?_

Okay, shit. That was really direct. It was also what Kakashi needed and wanted at the time. The nurse didn’t even wait for an answer.

 **Iruka:** _address?_

Kakashi sent him his address and went to change the bed sheets.

Iruka arrived twenty minutes later and didn’t give Kakashi a chance to say hello because as soon as the older man opened the door, the nurse was all over him. In between kisses, Kakashi managed to close the door.

“Didn’t know you were drunk, you are great at drunk texting," Kakashi said when he could grab some air.

“Mhm," Iruka murmured while nibbling at his neck.

“Okay, how drunk are you?” Kakashi asked but Iruka didn’t answer. He just kissed him impatiently and the paramedic returned the kiss with matching force. The younger man tasted like beer. “Iruka? I am serious, do you need a glass of water?”

“I am not your boyfriend, Kakashi," Iruka spoke. 

“No, I k-”

“Then stop it. We can talk later,' Iruka said and waited for an answer.

“Fine, your wish is my command," Kakashi sighed after a few moments. He was already horny, his body told him he wanted this. And he really did.

“Oh, is that so?” Iruka asked with a lascivious look and a predatory smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would never be satisfied with this chapter. I am still not but whatever, I have to let it go and move on.
> 
> I hope you liked it, though. See you in the next one<3


	7. The start of something new.

Iruka was so drunk he fell asleep right after Kakashi cleaned him up. The older man wondered if he should wake him up or not, Iruka always left after sex. He decided he wouldn’t do it, the nurse was really drunk and looked like he could use some sleep. Instead, he went to sleep next to him.

Kakashi woke up first and went to the kitchen to look for a glass of water and an aspirin for Iruka. When he came back to the bedroom, the brown haired was in the process of waking up.

“What’s that?” Iruka asked. His voice was raspy from sleep, which Kakashi found incredibly sexy for some reason.

“Aspirin, thought you might need it," he answered handing it and the water to Iruka.

“God, thanks," Iruka said as before swallowing.

“What is this?” Kakashi asked pointing his finger to Iruka and then to himself, “are we fuck buddies now or was it a drunk decision?”

“It’s… The start of something new," Iruka hesitated.

“Did you seriously just quote High School Musical?” Kakashi asked unimpressed. 

“Come on, it’s iconic," Iruka defended himself.

“Okay, but I am Gabriella, she is the smart one and is also pretty.”

“No way, you get to fuck Troy!” Iruka complained and they laughed. “I thought about what you said at the Surviving Trauma Conference. This is me trying," the nurse said once silence settled.

“Oh… that’s why you stayed," Kakashi realized.

“It is. But this is going to go as slow as it can get. So yeah, I suppose we are friends with benefits or whatever for now. We’ll see what the future holds, but I am not closed to what it has to offer.”

“Okay, that’s a start, I think. I just wanted us to be on the same page,” Kakashi said. There was a minute or two of silence, broken by Iruka.

“This house is huge.”

“Um… yeah, it is; it is my childhood home. No other place I could afford can hold eight dogs," Kakashi explained

“You have eight dogs?” Iruka beamed with excitement.

_______________________

The following two months ran by swiftly if you asked Iruka. He barely even saw his friends. He had begun the course to get his trauma certification, which was two mornings a week; therefore, he worked until late at night. He also volunteered at the dog shelter and at the nursing home on the weekends but sometimes he had to pass, which made his heart hurt a little. Iruka was very busy, but he loved busy, lived for it.

On top of all that, he also saw Kakashi quite frequently. Like the time he brought in a drunk patient with his whole right leg fractured and they ended up kissing in the supplies room.

“Kakashi, this is- ahh”, Iruka began to complain but was interrupted by Kakashi nibbling his neck.

“This," he said before kissing him, “is fun."

“No, this is where I work at. What are you doing tonight?” Iruka asked in between kisses.

“Maybe have dinner at Ichiraku and read Icha-Icha, do you want to join me?” Kakashi asked and saw how Iruka wrinkled his nose, “okay, you can read it to me," he added as if he was comforting him and leaned in to kiss the nurse but Iruka dodged the attempt.

“There’s no way I’ll ever read that.”

“Okay, how about just dinner?”

“As in a date?” Iruka asked and Kakashi could detect some fear.

“… as in two man having a friendly meal?” Kakashi suggested.

“No, a date sounds perfect, I am sorry.”

“I get it, see you at the end of your shift," Kakashi said and kissed him one last time before leaving. 

_______________________

“You are smiling. I told you I couldn’t do the extra hours I am supposed to; you shouldn’t be smiling," Iruka said to his boss. He was supposed to work that night, but he could arrange leaving earlier. He asked Kanna to replace him promising a favor in return, which she agreed to. Then he just had to talk to Oyone and pray she would let it slip, which she did surprisingly easily.

“You found a replacement, it isn’t that bad," she answered.

“I don’t get it, why are you smiling?” Iruka asked, still confused.

“You are human, Iruka, that’s why I am smiling," Oyone explained.

“Excuse me?” 

“If you can’t stay tonight, it’s because something else came up and it isn’t Naruto because he isn’t here. That means you have a life beyond work. You are human," she said. 

“I have friends and I do things, I have a life."

“A romantic life, Iruka," Oyone clarified.

“Oh… I-” 

“I am happy for you. Professional nurses are the best; great bedside manner, good at getting labs and talking to cocky doctors. Human nurses? They are even better and the ones I try to raise. I am glad you are both," Oyone said and left Iruka standing in the hallway.

Iruka was on his way out with a smile of his own and civilian clothes on when Konan stopped him.

“Iruka, wait!” she shouted.

“I am leaving, Konan," Iruka warned.

“Couldn’t you draw Mr. Walker’s blood first?”

“You can draw blood just fine," Iruka refused.

“You know what I mean, what’s the secret?” Konan asked, and he really knew what she meant. Mr. Walker was an insufferable patient who hated hospitals but had been admitted about a month ago. He was nice to Iruka and Iruka exclusively, so he became the only nurse who could attend him without wasting ten minutes convincing him to do procedures and doing them with a cascade of cursing coming out from the old man’s mouth.

“Bring him some honey taffy, I have a few in my drawer," Iruka said smiling. 

_______________________

“You seem tired," Kakashi commented over dinner at Ichiraku.

“What? No, I am great," Iruka tried to convince him but judging by Kakashi’s raised eyebrow, he wasn’t having it. “I began the course to officially become a trauma nurse, worked a fourteen hour shift and I promised to volunteer tomorrow at the dog shelter," he explained, and the paramedic’s heart seemed to have skipped a beat.

“You volunteer at a dog shelter?" Kakashi asked looking like a puppy himself. _Iruka liked dogs? Did God send him this man?_

“Yeah, Paws of Hope. I would volunteer at an animal one, but I am allergic to cats.” 

“I volunteer at Born Free Animal Shelter and also foster some dogs now and then.”

“You should stop fostering them, though, or you’ll end up with more dogs than you can take care of," Iruka said and they laughed.

“Sometimes I get attached and have to adopt them! It’s not my fault, honestly; they should try harder to not be so cute," Kakashi defended himself.

If you asked Kakashi, the date went excellent and he enjoyed every second of it. If you asked Iruka, he would say that he was scared but hadn’t really had a reason to, things with Kakashi ran smoothly since he knew him, and this wasn’t different. He was used to relationships being hard. This was easy, and he loved it. This was Iruka trying and it was a hell of a good start.

They had dates so often that Iruka started to sleep at Kakashi’s house more than at his own apartment and it was great. The only little thing that bugged him was that the paramedic would never take his eye patch off. Kakashi almost always wore a mask in public, he would remove it to eat or drink if they were out, but it was there. At home or when it was only the two of them, he would get rid of it. It wasn’t like that with the eye patch.

Iruka’s curiosity peaked one night while they were trying to get some sleep and it was still there. 

“Why won’t you take the eye patch off?” Iruka asked. He was being the little spoon and couldn’t really see if Kakashi was awake.

“It isn’t that nice under there," he heard the gray haired said after a while. Iruka turned over to face him.

“I am a trauma nurse, I can do not nice," he said and after seeing Kakashi’s face he added: “but not if you don’t want to”

“A man gave me this scar when I was at war," Kakashi said going softly over the scar in his face with his fingers, “it went through my open eye. I’ll show you if you let down your hair."

Oh, something was bothering Kakashi too. It was weird how, now that they were dating, they seemed to always be on the same page. Iruka didn’t ever let his hair down in public either, only when he was utterly alone. If Kakashi had asked sooner, the nurse would’ve showed him, but he was glad he had something to exchange at that moment. 

So, without saying a word, Iruka sat down and took his hair tie off, running his fingers through the brown hair that went a little over his shoulders. Kakashi also sat down and admired him. 

“You look beautiful, you _are_ beautiful," he said. Iruka smiled at him as he saw how Kakashi removed his eyepatch.

The only light in the room was the moonshine that came through the window, but it was enough to see Kakashi’s face. Iruka got closer and held Kakashi’s cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb over the scar on the older man’s face.

Kakashi’s iris was red and not gray as his other eye, probably from blood. Iruka could see why Kakashi would say it wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t the color. His pupil was collapsed, it was no longer a circle but an oval shape with waves on some parts of the edges, resembling a cat’s eye but not quite the same. Iruka could see there were also some black spots on the iris, separated from the original pupil.

“Does it hurt?" Iruka asked.

“Um… sometimes, when there is a lot of light," the man with mismatched eyes answered.

“I think you are the beautiful one," Iruka said, “you should be Troy," he added and Kakashi laughed.

“You are saying that only because you want to fuck him."

“I don’t, I am fucking a way hotter man," Iruka replied.


	8. Crossroads.

“You are boyfriends now?” Kotetsu asked in disbelief. Iruka was at their usual bar with him and Izumo only, since Anko had a date with Genma.

“I thought you’d be happy, you wanted me to get a boyfriend," Iruka answered.

“No, we wanted you to get laid!” he exclaimed.

“Why are you so upset?” Iruka asked.

“It’s just… okay, we wanted you to date," Izumo intervened.

“But…?” the nurse pushed.

“But not the Captain," Izumo answered. 

“What? His name is Kakashi and he’s not your superior anymore; he’s not even a cop, if that’s what you are worried about," Iruka explained.

“No, that isn’t it. I don’t know if you know the full story but… He went through quite a bit back then.”

“We all have a past," Iruka bitterly stated and drank what was left on his glass, he felt he was going to need it. 

“Yeah, but he has to have some kind of serious PTSD, he can’t be on his right mind," Kotetsu cautioned.

“Who says I’m in my right mind?” 

“Iruka, you don-” Kotetsu started.

“He saw his friends die, but you did too; every person who served did. It doesn’t mean they are all messed up," Iruka cut his friend off.

“He killed his girlfriend, Iruka. We didn’t all went through that," Izumo said quietly.

“What?” 

“Nobody knows all the details, but we know a mission went wrong. His girlfriend, Rin, was a doctor and she got captured. He was a sniper and protocol said she had to be taken down in order to keep information out of enemy’s hands," Izumo murmured.

“Some say he shot her, some say she got in the way because she knew what had to be done," Kotetsu finished. Iruka didn’t say anything for a while, letting silence settle in. The tension was palpable; if they weren’t inside a bar, you could’ve almost heard the drop of a pin.

“I… didn’t know that part. Did he get discharged after?”

“They informed us they did discharged him but the captain was hell of a soldier; they called him Red Eye, because the red dot sight of his gun always aimed to the middle of the forehead no matter how far he was, making it look like the target had a third red eye. And also, some rumors say his covered eye is red," Kotetsu explained.

“What we mean is that he was the best, they wouldn’t discharge him so easily. He must’ve stayed, maybe he was transferred to another more secret area," Izumo added.

“Why are you telling me this? It isn’t fair to Kakashi to be talking about him like this.”

“The man is a legend, Iruka; everyone respects him and rightfully so. But he can’t be right for you… We know how PTSD works and after Mizuki, we don’t want to see you get harmed again, that’s it," Kotetsu said.

“I am a grown man, I learned from my mistakes. I know how to deal with something like that; if it ever came to it. Which it won’t," Iruka assured his friend.

“You shouldn't be the casualty of another's problem; it's not your issue to deal with," Kotetsu replied.

“Isn’t that what a relationship is about? Be there despite the problems? Grow with one another?” Iruka questioned. The brown haired was angry, there was no other word to describe it. 

“And how would you know that?” Izumo asked.

“I had enough," Iruka said abruptly and left. 

What were Izumo and Kotetsu thinking? Iruka was so mad he knew he had to leave before he said something he would regret, a thing his friends didn’t seem to consider. He understood that they were looking after him and didn’t want him to hurt again, but had they had to be so patronizing? Iruka wasn’t a child, he was a grown successful man. Sure, the only real boyfriend he had wasn’t a good pick; but he learned, didn’t he?

Kakashi was charming and easy to talk to, there were times when they were vulnerable with one another. It felt right. But then again, that’s what he used to say about Mizuki too.

As nurse, he knew how PTSD worked ant it wasn’t a pretty thing. But he didn’t have any conclusive proof that Kakashi had such thing. Although maybe he hasn’t been around any triggers.

Oh God, Izumo and Kotetsu were getting into his head. He pressed pause on the issue and headed to his apartment to get some sleep.

The next morning, Konan and Iruka were watching through the window of room 310. A man in his middle twenty’s was admitted about an hour before because he had fainted, which leaded him to fell down from the mezzanine of the art gallery he was visiting with his girlfriend. The whole thing resulted in a nasty head injury and a trip to the hospital.

The doctors thought something didn’t add up, why would a healthy young man suddenly faint? After a few exams, they discovered a rather big tumor in his brain. The man, Riley, had cancer. 

“I guess this is it then," the sick man said to his girlfriend, who had never left his side since they arrived.

“Stop it, you are not leaving me, idiot," the girl answered. 

“I am giving you an out, Becca. We met only three months ago, you don’t want to take care of a sick man you don’t know," Riley said.

“Oh, I know you. You get scared and push people away. You won’t do that to me; I won’t let you. We met recently, but I already love you and I know you love me. I don’t want an out," Becca stated.

“I am sick, the doctors said that I have a long road ahead, and not even a pretty one. And that’s if beat the thing," Riley said

“If I am not here on the bad times, I’ll miss the good ones. I want to be here," Becca said. It seemed to work, because her boyfriend started crying in her arms while she caressed his hair.

“Poor kid," Konan said.

“Yeah, he is right about the hard road he has ahead," Iruka agreed, “would you leave?”

“I don’t think so. The girl is right, they had started dating a short time ago but that’s what a committed relationship is about, being there unconditionally; no matter how hard things get or how messed up the other person is. But then again, they are young and don’t really know each other. This tumor is too big of a baggage," she answered after thinking a bit. 

“He’ll need all kind of treatments and will spend a lot of time here.” 

“That’s why she should stay.”

_____________________

Iruka entered Kakashi’s house; a little after they said _I love you_ for the first time, he gifted the nurse a pair of keys. Iruka freaked out a little but the gray haired calmed him down.

“You spend a lot of time here, you already have a toothbrush and a drawer; don’t think it as such a big step. Besides, this way you can feed the dogs if I am at work or away at a conference," Kakashi had said. 

He removed his shoes, leaving them next to the door. Soon, he had all eight dogs over him, sniffing and licking everywhere. Iruka greeted them and, when they had enough, he looked for Kakashi and found him asleep on the bed. He was only on his boxer briefs, tangled with the sheets. The nurse smiled and headed to the bathroom to have a shower. 

Afterwards, Iruka laid down on the bed next to Kakashi and was immediately embraced by his boyfriend.

“Long day?” Iruka asked since Kakashi was usually awake when he arrived.

“I’m sorry, couldn’t stay awake. Hard day, yours?” Kakashi answered slurring his words.

“Interesting day. Don’t worry, I like sleepy Kakashi," Iruka said and then kissed him.

“Love you”, Kakashi said just before falling asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, just wanted to pop by to say:  
> 1\. I know it was a short one, sorry.  
> 2\. I am thankful for the comments and love I've getting! I don't know if it shows (I'm guessing it does), but english isn't my first language so sometimes I feel like I can't meet my personal expectations for the chapter. Therefore, it really means a lot that someone somewhere likes this. Thank you so much again<3  
> 


	9. Sometimes.

Iruka spent most nights a week at Kakashi’s, since the paramedic couldn’t leave the dogs for that long. It seemed like his apartment became a place for storage and hanging out with Naruto. He loved his home and never thought of living somewhere else, but he also loved sleeping next to Kakashi, so he settled. 

The thing was that Kakashi didn’t sleep that much. Iruka thought that he woke up early, but it wasn’t anything compared to his boyfriend, and that was when the paramedic didn’t have any nightmares; which happened quite often. 

It was kind of a routine of them: the gray haired would wake up and go to the bathroom. Iruka would hear water run down before Kakashi came out with his hands wet. If he joined the nurse again, he wouldn’t stay long; but most times, he didn’t. Iruka would find him reading or sleeping on the couch the next morning.

A very few times, Kakashi wouldn’t wake up from the nightmare but wake Iruka instead because of heavy breathing and kicking. 

“’Kashi," the nurse would murmur to try to wake him up, which generally didn’t work. He would repeat his name a few more times until he gave up. Then, he would shake Kakashi lightly; which most often than not gave him a reaction: the paramedic would smack his hand away, still asleep.

“Wake the fuck up," Iruka would demand now awake and a bit annoyed. He’d sat down to shake him a little harder. Sometimes, _sometimes_ , Kakashi would throw a punch at him to make him stop. As a former cop and a veteran, it wouldn’t be a light punch, but since the nurse was seated it never reached his face. 

Afterwards, Kakashi would wake up and mumble he was sorry.

Sometimes, _sometimes_ , Iruka’s heart stopped for a second. He knew it was fear. 

________________________________________

“What do you mean no?” Iruka asked as he tried to keep himself together. Anger was running through his body like it hasn’t in a while, like liquid fire on his veins.

“I won’t do this, call another doctor," Mitate answered.

“You made an oath. Where the hell did that go?” Iruka almost yelled.

A man had come in through the trauma center’s door looking like hell. And it wasn’t an exaggeration. Almost all of his skin was soaked in blood, you could see a third of his skull and he had two exposed fractures and a big metal bar embedded in his right shoulder blade. The patient was barely responsive and awake, but they knew it wouldn’t last long. And that was only what you could see, who knew what else was wrong with him? The man needed urgent medical care, or he would die.

“Sorry, Umino, criminals don’t deserve our best," the doctor said and left. The other nurse and the resident walked away with him.

“If he dies, it’s on your unprofessional hands!” Iruka exclaimed. He looked around for help, but all staff seemed to be busy or ignoring this particular patient. _If_ he dies was becoming _when_ he dies with every second.

“I need a doctor!” Iruka shouted. A first year resident and another nurse answered the call. Great, at least some didn’t forget the Hippocratic oath; but it wasn’t enough to save the man laid on the table.

“I am here, wh-…. Oh, damn," an experienced trauma surgeon named Amai said when she approached and saw the patient. "Okay, push one of morphine. We need to lay him on his side, on my count," she started to give directions. As soon as they rotated the patient, he entered in shock. 

All monitors started beeping, so Iruka grabbed the crash cart and handed the doctor the paddles of the defibrillator. 

“Charge to 200," Amai asked, “clear," she said, and all hands left the patient’s body so the doctor could shock him. They looked at the monitors hoping to see a heartbeat. It was nowhere to be found. 

“Charge to 300," the doctor requested, “clear." After the shock, all eyes were focus on the monitors. One second passed. Then two. 

_Come on, John Doe_ , Iruka pleaded, _you don’t get to die after I defended you._

Four seconds. A beep. _Yes, thank you._

“Okay, we have a heartbeat. We need to rush this man to an O.R now, we can’t do anything else here. Call one to let them know we are coming and page neuro to meet us there, that head injury doesn’t look good," Amai ordered. The nurses up the side bars and off they went.

Iruka prepped the patient as quickly as he could and scrubbed in wondering what the hell was going through the minds of some doctors. The patient was a man on his late twenties or early thirties, found on Akatsuki’s territory and a presume criminal; the police had brought him in and now they were waiting for a report. Sure, taking care of a criminal wasn’t his personal cup of tea, but there is no way he would deny medical care to any human being.

It wasn’t his call if someone deserved to die or not, but it was his job to try to save their life. 

The police ended up going away, there was not enough evidence to arrest the patient since being related to Akatsuki on some way they didn’t know wasn’t proof that he was one of them. They didn’t even know all of the member’s faces, let alone this man’s name.

Therefore, Iruka was left doing charts on John Doe’s room. The surgery went as successful as it could’ve gone, which meant that now the man was on a medically induced coma with a ventilator breathing for him, a catheter removing his urine and hooked up to all kinds of machines that beeped in symphony. The doctors had to make some time to let his brain heal after all the trauma it went through, his heart barely had the strength to pump blood though his body.

Although it seemed that the patient’s body was familiar with trauma. The entire right side of the tanned man’s body was covered in scars that seemed to be old and product of an ugly accident. Maybe it was a good thing, if his body knew trauma, he could pull through this one.

Despite there was some hope that he could wake up, doctors couldn’t keep him alive forever. Since they didn’t even know his name or age, the hospital couldn’t call a family member or a close friend to make the decisions for them. So, he should get better and get better soon. 

“I almost thought you wouldn’t survive there, John. I am glad you did, everyone deserves a chance even if some people aren’t willing to help. Sometimes people forget to be emphatic," Iruka said to the sleeping man. He knew the patient couldn’t answer but research and his experience said that speaking frequently and gifting encouraging words comatose patients could help them recover. Besides, the nurse had a soft spot for lonely people, Naruto being proof of his tender heart.

“Anyways, I am going to keep checking up on you, so you better get some strength soon; but don’t dare to wake up, you can’t handle that right now," Iruka said when he finished charting and before he left.

________________________________________

“It’s nice that you didn’t refuse to help him," Kakashi said over dinner at his place.

“It isn’t nice, it’s my job," Iruka answered.

“Maaa, you are still nice," the paramedic mocked him.

“I may be nice now, but I used to be a rebellious kid growing up, didn’t you know?”

“Nope, I don’t think nice, rule-lover Iruka could’ve been something other than… uptight," Kakashi replied. Iruka rolled his eyes as his boyfriend said the last word. Everyone knew about the stick, what a shock. 

“I went to juvey a few months.”

“No way," Kakashi said almost spilling the water he was drinking.

“Oh, it’s true; Hiruzen had some weird ways of teaching," Iruka commented.

“Shut up, old Hiruzen sent you there?” Kakashi said with his eyes wide open.

“As I said, I was rebellious, made some trouble and got into some more trouble. So, he sent me to juvey; said I would understand when I was older. I was pissed and even more pissed when I got this lovely scar," Iruka explained and pointed to the scar that bisected his face, going from one cheek to another over his nose. Maybe if he shared more of his past and scars, Kakashi would feel safe to open up about his own past with him; which Iruka had been thinking about pretty often after his fight with Izumo and Kotetsu.

“Wait, what did Hiruzen say?”

“He apologized, he hadn’t thought my face would be marked forever.”

“I can’t believe this! Did you do something to deserve the scar?” Kakashi asked.

“Maybe a little? I messed with some older kids that kind of ruled juvey. Always got in their way, particularly when they bullied this kid I don’t even remember now; but I stood up for him over and over again. So, one day they decided to tech me a lesson, I suppose," Iruka replied.

"You are not so bad after all," Kakashi said with a smirk.

“Oh, no? I think I still should be punished," Iruka’s tone was seductive as he put his hand on the gray haired’s thigh.

“Shit, don’t," Kakashi begged.

“Don’t… what?” Iruka asked playing innocent just as he grabbed his boyfriend’s crotch, who grunted in response.

“Don’t give me hope.”

“Are you quoting Avengers Endgame?” Iruka asked removing his hand from Kakashi, the mood suddenly broken. 

“… maybe? Hey, you quote High School Musical all the time!” the paramedic tried to defend himself.

“Yes, bu-”

“Wait, how did you know it was Avengers? I thought you didn’t watch the movies," Kakashi interrupted.

“Come on, I am like, dating white Nick Fury," Iruka answered and they both broke into laughter. “Why can’t we… oh, Naruto is coming over to my place tonight," the nurse said when they calmed down.

“That’s right.”

“Sorry, I forgot; I should get going," Iruka apologized

“Don’t worry, I’ll take a raincheck," Kakashi said and went in for a kiss, “tonight your punishment is listening to Naruto.”

“Yeah, my ears will fall off, won’t they?”

“That kid talks way too much," Kakashi agreed as the nurse stood up.

“I don’t know who raised him," Iruka joked.

“A good man, I am sure," Kakashi answered before Iruka left.


	10. Running.

“Konan.”

“Iruka," the purple haired greeted back, “you are still here." 

“I am. I have to give you the night shift report, right?” the man said looking up from the chart he was quickly scribbling in.

“Right. How long have you been in the hospital?” Konan asked.

“This will be my third shift, I believe. Before you say anything, I’ve been eating and sleeping here and I am good, not tired nor hungry," Iruka sighed. Their shifts were twelve hours long without any complications, so he had been working for a day and probably planned to work through another one.

“Okay, fine. I trust you to take care of yourself for our patients’ safety," Konan said.

“But?”

“You are a workaholic, it’s a known fact. But you only work this much when you are scaping from something else.”

“I am not-” Iruka started but was quickly cut off by his friend.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me anything. Just stop running from whatever you are running from.”

“Whatever. I have to call radiology and rounds start in ten minutes, would you go to Kanna for the shift report?”

“Running~" Konan chanted.

“I know,” Iruka sighed.

His purple haired friend was right, Iruka was running. At first, he didn’t know from what, he just got to work and kept going; he didn’t feel like returning home. It was when he took a break to sleep that he understood why he felt like living in the hospital for a while. He had the best sleep he has gotten in over two weeks. 

You see, Iruka slept next to Kakashi most days of the week. And when the man had nightmares and Iruka tried to wake him, the gray haired would throw a punch at him. It wasn’t an aimed punch, and the nurse knew it wasn’t with all of his strength and that it was unconscious, but it was still a punch. 

Besides, it didn’t happen every night, maybe once in a week. But it was still a hand that could hurt him. Iruka had been hurt by other hands before, so he wasn’t feeling comfortable sleeping with the man. He could talk to Kakashi, but Iruka wasn’t one to talk about feelings; it was always the paramedic the one who made him speak, the one who shared, the one who started the conversation. But the gray haired couldn’t start this particular conversation.

Therefore, Iruka worked. He wrote reports, charted, did rounds, made sure they were stocked on supplies, collected urine and drew blood and did everything he could to avoid thinking. But, since he was still human, he needed to vent somehow and he couldn’t do that with his Izumo and Kotetsu because they hadn’t made up from their last fight and Anko was on their side, so he wouldn’t talk to her either. Konan was his friend, but not that kind of friend. So, he talked to John Doe, the presumed criminal patient no one would work with. 

Sure, it was maybe a little bit unprofessional but Iruka needed to vent and the patient was on a coma, he couldn’t answer back and there was a good chance that he won’t remember anything when he woke up.

“Hey, John Doe, just here to check on you and draw some blood," Iruka said when he entered the patient’s room, “remember I told you about my boyfriend? Well, I don’t know how to talk to him. He always speaks first but if he does, I would have to tell him why I am fighting with my friends," he said while checking on the monitors and adding the information to the tanned man’s chart, “if I ask him if he has PTSD and I am wrong… I don’t know if we could recover from that fight. Sure, he is really calm and doesn’t ever get angry; but I think he will be definitely mad about this. But if I am right… I don’t know. I am not sure if I am ready to deal with that. Does that make me a bad person?”

Iruka took a syringe and began to look for viable veins on John Doe’s left arm.

“It was supposed to be simple, you know? It was so easy being with him and now it got complicated. My last relationship was complicated, I don’t want this to be similar in any way," Iruka said as he drew blood from his patient, “not that it is… I mean, my boyfriend is truly great and understanding and… Oh, I am the one being difficult."

The nurse put the blood away on little bottles and filled the tags with them with the patient’s information. “Yeah, I guess I am the one making things harder. Running. Thanks, John Doe, it was useful to talk to you, as always. You are getting better, which is good news. We hope you wake up soon”

__________________________

“The patient is Mrs. Rivera, eighty-two years old, has type two diabetes and ‘forgets’ to take her medicine. She fell from the last two steps of her stairs for the third time this month," Kakashi said while entering the hospital with the patient on a wheelchair.

“Medicine is for the weak, darling," Mrs. Rivera stated.

“And for the living, Mary, I hope you want to stay that way," the paramedic replied as a nurse took over the wheelchair.

“Always so direct, Kakashi," the old woman sighed.

“You have to take your meds if you want to stop your visits to the hospital.”

“But then I wouldn’t get to see you!” Mrs. Rivera said dramatically, making Kakashi laugh.

“Take care, Mary, and I swear I’ll visit," Kakashi answered before leaving headed to the nurse station. Since Iruka wouldn’t leave the hospital, he saw Kakashi whenever he brought in patients.

“Kakashi!” Iruka said when he saw him. The nurse got out of the nurse station and greeted him with a kiss. “Kanna, I’m taking a break, could you feed the little girl in 211?” he said to his coworker.

“Yeah, I figured. No problem," Kanna answered.

The couple then headed to an on call room and Kakashi locked the door while Iruka kissed him.

“I was thinking that when you are ready to come home, we could order take out and watch High School Musical," Kakashi said when he got the chance to breathe. That’s all it took to remind Iruka how deeply he loved this man, and suddenly feel stupid for running away from him. 

“Are you trying to lure me back home?” Iruka asked with a smile.

“The dogs are missing you," Kakashi shrugged. 

“Right, the dogs. Well, you can tell them that after this shift I am going home," the nurse said and won a kiss for that.

“So, it’s your home too, then?”

“What?” the brown haired lost track of the conversation. Kakashi pulled away a little bit so that they could see each other’s faces.

“Would you officially move in with me?” the paramedic asked and there were a few moments of silence. “I know you are freaking out but I love you and I know you love me because you said it first. You already have a lot of stuff at my place and spent most nights there. I wouldn’t ask if I knew we weren’t ready," he added before Iruka objected. Kakashi knew that his boyfriend would most likely not answer and have an internal crisis as he did every time the paramedic tried to move forward on their relationship; and the best way to get to Iruka was presenting facts. “This is the next step for us, and I am here for the long run. You don’t have to answer right now, talk to your friends and think about it," the gray haired finished.

“I… um… I am not talking to them," was Iruka’s only answer.

“Still fighting? Is this normal?” Kakashi asked but his boyfriend looked away, “I am sure that whatever they did came from a good place”

“Yeah, but not an excuse for being a dick.”

“Ok, then work through it."

“That’s why you asked me here, isn’t it?” Iruka realized. Kakashi asked him to move in when he was already running so that he wouldn’t scape again, “you know me well."

“I like to think I do. I have to go, think about it, no pressure," Kakashi said and kissed him goodbye.

“Wait," Iruka said as he grabbed the paramedic’s hand so he couldn’t leave, “you are right about everything, as usual. I don’t need to think about it, I love you and of course I’ll move in with you.”

Kakashi cupped Iruka’s cheek on his hand and looked at him so fondly Iruka almost couldn’t take it. “The dogs will be thrilled," he whispered.

“You are not one of them; you know that, right?” Iruka laughed.

“I don’t know what you are talking about," the gray haired replied and kissed him, “I should get back to work."

“See you at home," the nurse said goodbye. The word _home_ went through Kakashi like lightning and he couldn’t help smiling under his mask.


	11. Wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted two chapters in a row because they were short ones and because why not.  
> Also, because I won't be posting for a little over a week.
> 
> Don't miss the previous one!

“Good morning, John. It is a beautiful morning, isn’t it?" Iruka greeted as he entered his patient room and opened the curtains, “you may be asking yourself why am I so cheerful today. I have an answer for you, I moved in with my boyfriend.” Iruka got closer to supply medicine to John Doe while he continued talking.

“At first, I was scared, as you may imagined but I am most times wrong when it comes to him. It feels as if nothing has changed, we were kind of living together already. I think I was the thing that changed, I am done being difficult and it makes all the difference," Iruka said as he updated the patient’s chart. 

“But, um… I haven’t got rid of my apartment quite yet. I know, I should sell it and forget about it… But as much as I claim I changed I don’t think it is completely true. I can’t be transformed from night to morning, can I? I am taking baby steps. I mean, what if we broke up? Where would I go? I know we love each other but love isn’t always…” Iruka stopped the chatter because he heard a noise. 

He looked up and saw John Doe’s eyes. Open. The man was awake and fighting the tube down his throat, gasping for air because he could breathe on his own. Since Iruka was cleared to remove the ventilator, he went ahead and did that.

“I know this is uncomfortable but it’s going to be over soon, don’t fight it," he said to calm John Doe so that he could do his job. When the ventilator was finally removed, the patient tried to talk. “Don’t, it will hurt, give your throat a chance to rest," Iruka warned but the man didn’t care.

“You should…” the patient said with a raspy voice, only to be interrupted by a cough, “you should get rid of your apartment."

“Do I have to, though?” Iruka laughed.

“It’s a fight with-” John Doe tried to say but was clearly struggling, “break up potential.” 

“Fine, I’ll do it. Do you remember your name?” the nurse asked.

“I… my name is…” the tanned man began, but was quickly defeated by his memory. 

“It is okay if you don’t remember, we ca-”

“Wait, I should know my name," John Doe interrupted him.

“Yes, but memory loss is common after a trauma and brain surgery like yours. Besides, you can recall what you heard while you were in coma and that’s a good sign. I’ll page your doctor who will probably page neuro and they can explain it better. Let’s see if you can get your memory back.”

“Thank you, Iruka… For everything," his patient said. The nurse just smiled and left the room.

That night Iruka arrived at his and Kakashi’s house exhausted. The nurse had worked for two days straight, but he had a two day break since the shifts were long and in a row.

“Hey, how was your day?” Kakashi asked when Iruka entered the living room. The paramedic, who was lying down on the couch, closed his book and left it on the coffee table as Iruka approached him and laid between his legs. 

“My patient woke up!” Iruka exclaimed as excited as he could given how tired he was.

“The criminal one?” the paramedic asked while he removed his boyfriend’s hair tie and brushed his fingers through the brown hair.

“That one. And we don’t know if he is a criminal. I was talking to him when he woke up and fought the ventilator. He was breathing and talking when I left." 

“That’s great, ‘Ruka. Does he know you have a crush on him?” Kakashi asked with a mocking tone. 

“What? I don’t," Iruka said sleepily, Kakashi’s hands working wonders on his scalp. 

“He is like your favorite patient, you talked to him in his sleep and talk about him outside work all the time," the paramedic answered. The brown haired could notice he wasn’t really jealous, just joking, so he didn’t worry. 

“I think it’s sad that he is so lonely. We don’t know anything about him, so we can’t call his family or a friend," the nurse explained.

“He doesn’t remember anything?”

“No, but I am confident he’ll recover his memory.”

“And then you will leave me for him and buy a house filled with other dogs," Kakashi accused him with a dramatic tone.

“Nah, I could never leave your dogs.”

“Hey!” Kakashi laughed and tugged Iruka’s hair lightly.

________________________________

The temperature was hot. Like disgustingly sweaty, we-will-die-without-ac hot. Before going to sleep, Kakashi and Iruka settled for open windows but the temperature raised as the morning came. 

Iruka awoke too heated to sleep and cursed the weather. He stood up and went to turn on the ceiling fan while he envied Kakashi’s deep sleep, when he noticed that the man was breathing heavily, the paramedic was having yet another nightmare. Iruka was already awake but still sleepy, so he might as well put his boyfriend out of his misery. 

“Kakashi, wake up," Iruka and kneeled on his side of the bed. Of course, Kakashi wouldn’t wake up so easily. Iruka pushed his boyfriend’s shoulder but he didn’t get a reaction either. 

Therefore, Iruka pushed Kakashi’s shoulder a little more strength and got him on his stomach. Iruka rolled his eyes and grabbed a pillow to hit him in the back. Kakashi pushed the pillow away with his hand with so much force it flew away and hit the lamp that was on the nightstand by the nurse’s side, which fell and shatter making a strong noise against the silent night.

Next thing Iruka knew, his head was hitting the corner of the bedside table. 

Iruka was suddenly on the floor, over the broken lamp. His hand went to his head, which hurt an awful lot. When did his head got wet? He looked at his fingers. Oh, it was blood. His eyelids felt heavy, but the noise didn’t let him go to sleep. What was that noise?

It was Kakashi, he was talking to him. 

“Iruka? I am so sorry, you will be alright," he was saying, “I know you feel like you want to go to sleep but don’t, okay? Listen to me, focus on my voice.”

The brown haired man was looking at him, but he couldn’t understand his words anymore, he only saw lips moving and Kakashi leaving. A second after, he was back with a towel.

 _It is funny_ , Iruka thought, _I am trauma nurse yet I can't do a single thing_. He was just lying next to the bed with blood coming out of his head. People say bleeding out is like falling asleep. They are not wrong. Iruka knew his boyfriend was right, he shouldn’t go for a siesta but couldn’t help it.

Kakashi was a paramedic, he has been trained to deal with this kind of injuries, Iruka should be alright. The gray haired was a capable man, a recognized paramedic who gave lectures all around the country. It was good, then, he could go to sleep. Kakashi would take care of him.


	12. It was an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know why but I am like, _really_ nervous to post this. It took me a while to write, but I think it's as ready as it's ever going to be, so here it goes.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it as much as you can enjoy confused stubborn hospital Iruka.

“Iruka…” Kakashi tried to wake him, “hey, are you awake?” The nurse opened his eyes to find his surroundings a bit blurry. He blinked a couple times while he nodded.

“Where am I?” Iruka asked. 

“On my car, headed to the hospital. You’ll be okay," Kakashi explained and it started to make sense. Iruka then noticed that his boyfriend was driving with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other one holding something near his head. “Don’t move, we’re here," Kakashi warned when his boyfriend tried to move to see what was going on.

Then he remembered. He fell. No, Kakashi pushed him. Hit him?

The car stopped and someone opened the door. The gray haired started to talk very quickly, but it was just noise to Iruka. He felt so lightheaded he almost didn’t realize that the person who opened the door replaced Kakashi’s hand on his head and was trying to make him stand up.

Blood pounded Iruka’s ears. Did Kakashi hit him? His heart was smashing his chest, it felt like it was trying to escape his ribcage. Their relationship wasn’t supposed to go this way. Iruka’s vision disfigured again, as if he was seeing through a fish-eye lens. He had to get away from the gray haired, he knew that. It was a lesson he had already learned. 

He pushed the hands on him away and immediately felt something hard against his knees. Oh, it was the floor, he had fell. His chest hurt, his head too. And damn was breathing hard. Someone helped him stand up and then he was seating, he assumed it was a wheelchair because his surroundings started to move. 

Iruka’s hands shook. He couldn’t breathe. Where did all the air went? It was like he had just ran a long marathon. He had to run now, he couldn’t be there. But why was it so hard to get air into his lungs? 

An ambu bag was placed around his mouth while his vision went dark.

When Iruka opened his eyes again, he was laying down. An IV line was placed on the back of his right hand and the beeping noise meant they hooked him up to a machine to keep track of his respiration and heartbeat. 

The doctor said it wasn’t a serious injury, she would sew it and Iruka would have to stay the night for observation because of blood loss. Then she asked if it was possible to cut Iruka’s hair so that she could work better.

“No!” Kakashi almost shouted, “sorry, he likes his hair." The doctor looked at Iruka, who nodded as hard as he could manage to agree with his boyfriend.

“Okay, not a problem," the doctor said, and she started working. Iruka still felt lightheaded, between that and probably the drugs he was given, he didn’t feel a thing. The nurse barely understood the woman’s words and he was sure he wouldn’t remember this moment the next time he wakes up. 

“There it is, there will be minor scarring, but hair should cover it," the middle aged woman said when she finished. “Nolan here is going to show you to your room. You should get some sleep, Iruka,” she added pointing at the man next to her. 

# ____________________

# 

_“_ It was an accident _," Iruka heard Mizuki say. Pain was splitting him in half, making the noises of the ambulance and shouts of paramedics and doctors hard to catch. But Mizuki’s words weren’t._

_Iruka was laid on his side on a stretcher with hundreds of glass fragments stabbing him all over his body. Everything hurt and he was dizzy, the doctors seemed to spin around mouthing words Iruka understood but didn’t have the strength to answer. That was if he had the answers. Someone asked him to move his left foot. How come it isn’t moving? Was he paralyzed? A wave of panic ran through his body. What about just the fingers? Yes, Iruka could do that. It had to be a good sign. Please, let it be a good sign._

_Was it an accident? No, Iruka didn’t think so. Mizuki pushed him through the door, he knew that much. His boyfriend was lying. Maybe he was afraid too._

_Wait, surgery? No, Iruka couldn’t afford that, no way. Oh, he might not walk again. Iruka liked walking, yes to surgery._

_“I am sorry,_ it was an accident _," Mizuki said just before Iruka got into the O.R. The brown haired went under general anesthesia confused by those words. Was Mizuki sorry he pushed him? Sorry the fight got so out of control? Sorry the relationship was out of control?_

_When Iruka opened his eyes, Mizuki was there. His eyes were red. Has he been crying? Maybe he was sorry. He ran his hand through his silver hair. Iruka liked his hair, it was unnaturally beautiful._

_“They said the surgery was successful, you will walk again. I am so relieved," Mizuki said. Iruka couldn’t have told that day, but his boyfriend was actually relieved; relieved he wouldn’t suffer any permanent consequence. “I was really mad, you pushed a little too far. But it’s fine, I forgive you," he added. Iruka could sense the threat, it was a familiar tone, a familiar feeling. Still, warmth spread through his weak body. He was safe. Mizuki forgave him, he still loved him. He was still worthy of love, even after making his boyfriend angry. Everything would be okay, wouldn’t it?_

# ____________________

# 

It was bright. Way too bright. Iruka blinked a couple times to get a clear image. The walls were white, and the curtains were green. What the…? Oh, an IV line. He was at a hospital. Wait, his hospital had light blue walls and white curtains. What hospital was this?

“Iruka!” he heard a familiar voice exclaim. Kakashi was seating on a chair next to him, mask and eye patch on. Iruka opened his mouth but nothing came out. He didn’t know what to say. He remembered falling and arriving at the hospital, and then he was there. 

His head hurt a little and his body felt weak; Iruka wasn’t sure if he could stand up. He also felt something else, and Iruka would have bet it was fear. He knew he shouldn’t be afraid but couldn’t help it. The nurse barely remembered the incident, but he was sure Kakashi didn’t hit him on purpose. They weren’t fighting, his boyfriend was asleep.

Only he was at a hospital. And a boyfriend put him there. Again. 

“I am so sorry. I didn’t… _it was an accident_ ," Kakashi said.

“Get out," Iruka quickly demanded.

“What? You know I didn’t mea-”

“Get out!” the brown haired shouted.

Kakashi stared at him with his visible eye. Sometimes, the gray haired was unreadable to Iruka; this was one of those times. It felt like ages passed and they were still staring at each other, Kakashi’s face like a message carved in stone, in a language Iruka couldn’t understand. 

Then the gray haired left.

The fourth time Kakashi asked the nurse in charge of Iruka if he could see him, the answer was the same as the previous times. _No, he doesn’t want to see you_. The gray haired sighed as he grabbed his phone. Iruka had to have company and if it wasn’t going to be him, he’d call the next best person. 

# ____________________

_“Can’t you call anyone else?” Mizuki complained._

_“I don’t have anyone else," Iruka answered. They were still at the hospital, Iruka couldn’t be discharged just yet and someone had to stay the night with him and that day his boyfriend couldn’t do it._

_“You know Izumo will try to convince you to leave me, love. I don’t think he wants to see you happy, that’s not a friend and you know it," the gray haired said. He wasn’t wrong, Iruka wouldn’t have liked to endure another lecture from his friend. Mostly because it would make sense, and he wasn’t ready to leave Mizuki; God knows what the silver haired man would do to him if he even tried to break up with him. His boyfriend was the only relationship he had left, he couldn’t ruin that. He couldn’t make the only person who loved him leave._

_“Okay, what about Hiruzen?” Iruka asked._

_“No, not him... Fine, call Izumo but he has to be gone as soon as I arrive," the science teacher resigned. He then kissed the brown haired on the top of the head. “I wish it was only me,” he sighed before leaving._

# ____________________

# 

Anko stormed in almost running with a furious look in her face. It reminded Kakashi of an angry cheetah, predatory and ready to hunt for a meal. The walls of the hospital hall turned into a green jungle, the nurses moving aside like little animals trying to hide from a predator.

Kakashi must have looked like a nice appetizer because, without a word, she slapped him as hard as she could. Yes, Anko was hunting and, apparently, he was the target.

“Anko!” Kotetsu exclaimed.

Oh, but she was going for another one. But Kakashi grabbed her wrist with the grace of a deer on one swift move.

“I didn’t deserve the first one, but I took it. I know you are angry but back off,” Kakashi calmly said before releasing the woman’s wrist. The words managed to tame the cheetah somehow, but she didn’t say a word.

Anko and Kotetsu looked at each other and, after a second or two, the purpled haired nodded and the man entered Iruka’s room. 

“You called my friends?!” Kakashi heard Iruka scream in anger from the room before Kotetsu closed the door.

“Where are Izumo and Anko? I though everyone had to be at an intervention," Iruka said, not bothering to hide his crankiness.

“Izumo wanted to be here but couldn’t get out of work. And Anko is probably yelling to Kakashi," Kotetsu said as he shrugged his shoulders. Iruka would’ve almost preferred Izumo to be there instead, the man was more forgiving and less direct. His spiky haired friend didn’t seemed to care if his questions were to sharp or damaged sensitivities. But still, Kotetsu was pretty mature when he was alone and, although difficult to convince, he was a good listener.

“I don’t want to hear whatever you have to say about this," the nurse warned his friend.

“What the hell happened, Iruka?” the spiky haired man asked in a low voice.

“We were sleeping, Kakashi was having a nightmare so I tried to wake him up. He didn’t mean to hit me, he was asleep. It… it was an accident," Iruka answered.

“You said the same thing the last time," Kotetsu sighed.

“This is different.” 

“Iruka, we warned you of exactly this. Why are we here again?” 

“I am not a victim here, Kotetsu. Kakashi would never hit me on purpose and if you guys weren’t dicks, you would’ve gotten to know him a little better before making assumptions!” Iruka exclaimed. There were a few moments of silence until Kotetsu spoke again. 

“Then why won’t you let him see you?” he asked quietly. Iruka looked away. When a little over a minute passed and the silence still reigned, it was clear that the nurse wouldn’t answer. “Why this hospital and not the one where you work at?” Kotetsu asked instead.

“This one is closer to his house, our house," Iruka answered, still not looking at his friend. He knew what Kotetsu was thinking; if Kakashi had brought him to his hospital, his coworkers wouldn’t let his boyfriend see him. Because it looked shady and, if it looked that way, it probably was.

“You used to cover up for Mizuki too," Kotetsu implied. When Iruka looked at him again, he felt like he was going to turn into dust. His friend’s look was hard, angry. Kotetsu wouldn’t have been all that surprised if he turned into stone right that second. 

“I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that," Iruka said, tone as hard as his look. His friend sighed and sat on Iruka’s bed, near his knees.

“I don’t want to see you in a bed like this ever again because of some man," Kotetsu said softly, “you say it was an accident but refuse to see him. I just want to see you happy, but you look… conflicted." Iruka’s stare also eased as he let out a long sigh.

“It was an accident, I promise. It’s just that… I need some time, okay? I didn’t think I would be in a bed like this because of a man either. But I am here, and it was an accident. I see the similarities and I… I am trying to heal focusing on the differences," Iruka said. 

Before he could continue, the door opened and Anko came through. 

“The story checks out," the teacher said. Kotetsu was about to tell her to shut up but, when he heard what she said, he changed his mind.

"How the hell did he convinced you?” Kotetsu asked.

“With the truth, it was an accident," Anko answered. Kotetsu was about to complain but she was the hardest to convince after all. If Kakashi managed to put Anko on his side… then it had to be the truth. “Iruka, I am really sorry. I… we were just watching your back," the purple haired added.

“If you are done meddling, get out," Iruka said harshly. Kotetsu cursed internally, all the progress he had just made was erased by Anko’s intrusion.

“Hey, we are trying to apologize," Kotetsu said. 

“I don’t care, get out," the nurse demanded.

“Come on…” the woman tried to speak but Kotetsu stopped her.

“Alright, when you are ready to talk, we will listen," Kotetsu said. He left, dragging Anko with him.

Just like that, Iruka was left with his thoughts. The nurse in charge of him, Nolan, hadn’t asked him again if Kakashi could come in. Either he gave up or left. Iruka couldn’t decide what was worse.

Before he was discharged, he asked Nolan to tell him what happened since he entered the hospital because he didn’t remember everything. 

“I _what_?!” Iruka asked with his eyebrows so raised it seemed that they would fly away from his face. 

“You enter disorientated and blee-”

“No, I got that. The next part is the one I don’t understand," Iruka interrupted him.

“Then you had a panic attack. Rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, sweating, trembling… You are a nurse too, you know the drill. Do you want me to go on?” Nolan asked when he saw Iruka wasn’t paying attention anymore.

“No… I believe you. I remember, I think.”

“I know you know this, but you can talk to us if something else is happening," Nolan said softly.

“What? No, it’s not like that. Where do I have to sign?” Iruka changed the subject. Nolan pointed at the places he had to sign to get discharged and then Iruka was free to leave with a bunch of warnings and a card with the hospital’s number and the number of a domestic violence hotline. 

When Iruka got to the hospital’s door, he realized he didn’t know where to go. It was Thursday at night, and he had the next day off, but still planned to go to work at least to check on John Doe; he didn’t even know if another nurse had covered for him on the case since not many were willing to treat that particular patient.

Iruka wouldn’t go to his and Kakashi’s house, he just didn’t feel ready to confront him. And since the gray haired wasn’t around, it seemed as if he wasn’t ready either. It was a conversation that would have to wait another day. He wasn’t on speaking terms with Izumo and Kotetsu, or Anko; so that two options weren’t really available. 

His old apartment wasn’t an alternative, he had supposedly sold it weeks ago when he moved in with Kakashi and he didn’t want him to find out he still had it. Maybe he should head there anyways, he and the paramedic would most likely break up the next time they spoke. Iruka certainly deserved as much, he hadn’t been a good boyfriend after all. But no, he wouldn’t go to his apartment. It was an accident, nothing happened. There was a chance they would stay together. 

The nurse ended up finding his way to a door he had knocked very few times before and never crossed. There was no other place he could’ve gone. 

“Iruka," the woman who opened the door said a little surprised.

“Konan," he greeted.

“I didn’t expect to see you. What happened to your…?”

“I am sorry I dropped unannounced. Are you alone?” Iruka interrupted and Konan nodded. “Can I sleep here tonight?” He asked. Or begged. Probably both.

“Sure, come in," Konan answered after a few moments staring at him. She moved to let him in, but Iruka didn’t take a step forward.

“But you don’t get to ask questions."

“Iruka, I don-”

“Please… I need to not talk about this. I am alright, I am going to work tomorrow," Iruka pleaded.

“Are you even cleared to work?” the purple haired woman asked with a raised eyebrow. Iruka didn’t say anything, the answer was no but Konan wouldn’t like that. She got it and sighed. “Fine, but if you only work on John Doe and then leave. I know that’s the only reason you want to go," Konan stated and Iruka smiled because she was right.

“You kn-” the brown haired began.

“And if we talk tomorrow," Konan demanded.

“Sure, thank you," Iruka sighed and entered his friend’s apartment. It must have been very beautiful decorated but now it was just blank. The spacious living room area only consisted of a sofa and a bunch of big brown boxes. It led to a white open concept kitchen that was empty too.

“I am moving, don’t mind the… emptiness," Konan said when she closed the door behind her.

“This place is more than big enough for you, and very beautiful. I wouldn’t move from here if I could avoid it," Iruka said, echo repeating his words.

“New rule, you don’t get to ask questions either," the purple haired said as she moved to one of the boxes, “here are some sheets, I can only offer you the couch since is like the only furniture I have here”

“But we talk tomorrow about you moving?”

“No, we don’t," Konan answered. Iruka caught the sheets she threw at him and, after saying their goodbyes, he laid on the couch ready for sleep to take him. But before, he sent a text message to Kakashi to let him know he was at Konan’s. He also texted that he would see him the following day.

Iruka went to sleep before he got an answer.


	13. I know.

“Why are you still here? This is not what we agreed on!” Konan scolded Iruka when she saw that he was typing on a computer at the nurse station. The brown haired was supposed to only work on John Doe, and then leave. Konan looked at her watch and realized that his friend had worked more than half a shift.

“I know, I know. I was going to leave but then Migaki asked me to look after the little girl in 211, she wasn’t letting anyone get close to her,” Iruka explained. He wouldn’t leave; of course he wouldn’t. If he did, he would have to go to his house. Kakashi was there, a fight was there. 

“Oh, yes. Don’t tell me he brought her jello,” the purple haired nurse said and when Iruka nodded she exhaled loudly. “She hates jello, it makes her cranky; you have to bring her-”

“Lollypops,” Iruka completed.

“Right… Iruka, you need to go home. Grab a shower, eat a full meal, rest. Does Oyone know you are here?” Konan came back to the original subject.

“Between all the conferences last year and the classes for the trauma certification, I need to work more hours; Oyone knows that,” Iruka stated.

“I am sure she cares more about your health and recovery. Go home…. Shit, are you scared?” Konan realized.

“…No?”

“Iruka… Listen, I like Kakashi; he’s a good man. If it was an accident, I am sure he is more scared than you,” the purple haired kindly said. 

“Okay, fine. After I administer John Doe’s medication, I’ll leave,” Iruka said after a few seconds and a sigh. He felt stupid, more than ever before. Of course Kakashi was probably as scared as he was, if not more.

# ________________________

# 

“Hey, John, feeling better?” Iruka asked as he got in his patient’s room.

“Define better,” the man murmured.

“Well, I came to give you your medication and I can give you some morphine for the pain if you’d like,” the nurse suggested. John Doe had been in pain since he woke up; his recovery was slow, but the doctors and nurses were doing everything they could to keep him comfortable and alive since he wasn’t out of the woods quite yet. His brain was still damaged, his shoulder wound wasn’t completely healed, and his intestines had suffered complication. He had to go through at least four more surgeries with a chance he wouldn’t make it, and post-op complications. That’s if he regained some strength to endure said surgeries.

“Yeah, you do that… You know, John ain’t a bad name,” the patient said while Iruka started to do his job.

“Well, no, it’s not. But I’m sure your name suits you better. Why are you saying this? Did you remember anything?” Iruka asked.

“Nurses and doctors say I am a criminal, I don’t know if I want to remember,” John Doe sighed. Iruka wished morphine could also take that pain away.

“I can’t deny that it could be a possibility; but whether you remember or not, perhaps this is your chance to change, to start over. To be good,” the brown haired tried to console him. 

“Maybe… you know what? Yes, I am going to be good. I feel like a good person,” John said with a new energy.

“I am sure that you are,” Iruka smiled as he pushed in the morphine.

“Everyone deserves a second chance, right?” the patient asked.

“Mhm,” Iruka mumbled. “I am going to leave you to rest, it looks like you need it,” he added.

“Oh, and here I was thinking I look as fresh as a daisy,” the tanned man bitterly joked as the nurse left.

John Doe’s words got stuck in Iruka’s head. Everyone deserves a second chance. He agreed, which meant that Kakashi deserved one too. One bad thing shouldn’t define him or their relationship. It was an accident, Iruka avoiding him was unfair.

Iruka also deserved a second chance. At love, at being a good boyfriend; a thing he hadn’t exactly being all that time. He had promised Kakashi that he would try, and he failed. But he was ready for his second chance, he hoped his boyfriend would agree.

# ________________________

# 

Iruka took a long breath. His hands were still shaking. Fuck it, he would never be completely ready. He put the key on the lock and opened the door.

He found Kakashi laid down, reading on the sofa surrounded with the eight dogs. Some of them were cuddling in the sofa with him and the bigger ones were laying on the floor, they all seemed to be sleeping or trying to. Iruka was almost completely sure the gray haired had bought such a big couch so that most of the dogs could nap with him. It was a nice picture, a perfect one. He wished time would freeze right there, with a happy boyfriend and his way-too-much dogs. 

But a storm was coming and they both knew it, the image wouldn’t stay still for long. Iruka had brought the clouds and Kakashi, the lightning. In a few seconds it would start to rain and there was no more hiding, no umbrella. Where do you take shelter when it rains inside?

That second became now when the gray haired looked up, not closing the book nor disturbing the dogs. He didn’t even take the mask or the eye patch off, which didn’t go unnoticed by Iruka.

“Have you decided I am not the villain here?” he asked. And so, with the first lightning, the rain began.

“I don’t want to fight,” Iruka quietly answered. Kakashi moved to a sitting position, putting Pakkun away since he was sprawled on his stomach; his legs were still extended but the movement was enough to wake the rest of the dogs up.

“I am tired of not fighting, Iruka,” the paramedic said. The dogs got up and stared at his owner, as if they felt the tension rising like he did. Bull, the biggest one, even let out a loud bark. “Bull!” Kakashi reprimanded. He then sighed and put the book on the coffee table before standing up and heading to the glass door that lead to the rather big garden. The dogs followed him and, when the gray haired opened the door, they obediently went outside.

“We don’t have to fight. It was an accident and I acted stupidly. I am sorry I didn’t let you see me, and that I ran to Konan’s,” Iruka said when his boyfriend closed the door. Kakashi seemed to reflect on his words, and there was a moment or two of silence.

“That’s all you have to say about what happened? Is that it?” he asked.

“What do you want me to say?” Iruka asked back.

“I don’t know, Iruka. I don’t think ‘sorry’ covers everything,” the gray haired said.

“Do you want me to be angry at you?”

“I want you to be honest with at least yourself,” Kakashi replied. Iruka sighed and ran his finger trough his scar.

“I need water,” the younger man said and took the door to the kitchen. When Kakashi joined him, the nurse was sitting on one of the table chairs with a glass of water on his hand. The paramedic didn’t sit, just looked at him with his arms closed from the doorway. “I don’t want to upset you,” the nurse finally explained.

“Iruka, I…” Kakashi started but stopped, letting a breath out. He ran his fingers through his wild hair like it would organize his thoughts. “I am angry, okay? At you, at your friends… at me. But I love you, even if I am mad at you, even if we fight. We need to talk about this, and you need to trust me so we can do that.”

The nurse drank what was left on his glass and stood up to put it in the sink. He put his hands on the kitchen counter, resting his body weight on them.

“I don’t think I can do this,” Iruka whispered still giving his back to his boyfriend.

“Do what? Trust me?” the paramedic asked, but Iruka wouldn’t answer. “Being in this relationship?” he asked a few seconds later. The younger man kept his silence and could’ve sworn that, under his boyfriend’s mask, behind his angry wall, there was mostly sadness.

Kakashi sighed and left the kitchen. Iruka could hear his steps, so he knew the gray haired took the stairs. He let a breath out and pinched the bridge of his nose for a few seconds before following him.

“Of course I want to be with you, Kakashi,” Iruka said from the hall, loud enough so that his boyfriend could hear him. When he got to their bedroom, he found a suitcase on the bed. Kakashi emerged from the dressing room with a couple of shirts and a blazer and put them in the suitcase. “Are you leaving?” the nurse asked, feeling a void in his stomach and a fierce knot in his throat. 

“I am going to Suna’s Paramedic Expo & Conference, I’ll be back on Monday morning,” Kakashi explained as he disappeared into the dressing room again. Iruka closed his eyes, relieved. He then realized he felt dizzy and weak, probably because he didn’t rest well enough since leaving the hospital, so he sat in the bed.

“I thought you rejected the invitation,” Iruka said when Kakashi came back to the room. The older man didn’t answer straight away, just folded the clothes so they would fit in the suitcase.

“I did,” Kakashi answered when the clothes were away, “I wanted to spend the weekend with you because between work, my conferences, your classes, and all the volunteering we do we were losing alone time. I rejected the invitation because I compromise for this relationship.”

“And now you are going because what? We can’t save this?” Iruka asked trying not to choke on the giant knot living in his throat.

“You won’t even talk to me, Iruka! How can I save this?” Kakashi raised his voice.

“We have to save this, not just you. It was an accident. I overreacted but it’s over, I am here.”

“A panic attack isn’t overreacting,” Kakashi stated. Iruka went quiet again, so the gray haired went to fetch a pair of shoes.

“You don’t have to go, I know that I was scared- no, that I am scared. But I don’t have to fear you or talking… or a fight. I was bleeding out and numb when the panic attack happened, I am not saying it doesn’t count but… I don’t know, I don’t feel like that anymore,” Iruka said when the paramedic came back.

“You need more time. And I also do, this happened to me too,” Kakashi remarked. “I asked Gai to look after the dogs; he has a key, so you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. You can run to your apartment or whatever,” he sighed.

“You know about the apartment?” Iruka asked standing up. He felt a little dizzy, so he put a hand on the bed to steady himself. Ignoring the doctor’s recommendations wasn’t a smart decision.

“Of course I know about the fucking apartment!” Kakashi blurted.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I knew what I got into when we started this relationship, Iruka! You need time to take in change, and I always give you space. I push the relationship forward only when we are ready because I know you struggle. But you have to start trusting me a little more, I can’t be the only one who does the work and always compromises,” the older man said losing his composure. It was clear that he was getting angrier by the minute.

“That’s unfair and you know it. I want this, I want you. The day the… accident happened, I had decided to sell it. Yes, it has memories and I will love that place forever… but I love you more,” Iruka confessed.

“You are three weeks late, Iruka! And you love me… what? So much the thought of being with me gives you a panic attack? So much you didn’t let me see you at the hospital? So much you fear me and have to run away from me?,” Kakashi argued. His tone was a little callous, and his questions, hurtful. Iruka had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything he regretted, and answer after a few seconds in a low voice. 

“So much I gave this relationship a shot after the last one. So much I stayed after my friends told me to leave and got into a fight because of it. So much I am afraid because the last time I loved someone like this, it was Mizuki on the other side. And yes, I run, but I love you so much I always come back.” Iruka’s words were sweet and would’ve melt Kakashi any other day if it wasn’t because of the younger’s poisonous dark tone. The nice words were like roses, beautiful to look at but with deadly thorns.

Iruka didn’t wait for the other man to answer, he was feeling lightheaded, so he left. Kakashi found him minutes later at the living room, the nurse was laying on the couch with his eyes closed and two fingers pressing the bridge of his nose. The gray haired looked outside and noticed that all eight dogs were pressed against the windows, staring at them.

“Are you feeling okay?” Kakashi asked as he closed the curtains. Iruka must have not heard him coming, because the words startled him.

“Yes I, um…” the brown haired said as he sat down, which seemed not to be the best move.

“Just tell me where the pills are,” Kakashi asked, seeing Iruka like that was being hard on him and he could use a distraction.

“Bag, outside pocket,” Iruka answered and his boyfriend went to grab them, along with some water.

“I am sorry, for the record. I don’t think I said that yet,” the paramedic apologized when he came back, as he handed Iruka the glass and medication.

“I know that you are. But you don’t have to be sorry, it wasn’t intentional,” the nurse replied.

“It is still not okay,” Kakashi murmured.

“I know,” Iruka said as his boyfriend sat on the couch’s arm that was away from him. The paramedic buried his face on his hands and went quiet for a while.

“I am freaking out, Iruka,” Iruka heard Kakashi let out through his hands.

“I… I know,” the nurse replied. 

“I killed my fiancée at war, I can’t…” Kakashi stopped and lifted his head from his hands. “The accident happened to me too,” he said looking at his boyfriend.

“I also know that,” Iruka confessed. 

“I hate rumors. Is that why you fought with your friends? What did Kotetsu and Izumo tell you?” Kakashi asked knowing that had to be the way Iruka found out.

“I thought she was just your girlfriend, but they told me what happened,” the nurse quietly explained.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re fighting with them.”

“They don’t want me to be with you,” Iruka gave a half answer. Kakashi looked at him right in the eye and raised his eyebrows, a trick that had always worked to make Iruka spill. “Because they think you may have PTSD and could potentially… land me on the hospital,” the younger man said very slowly. The gray haired frowned intensely but, before he could speak, Iruka continued talking so fast he almost didn’t catch half of what he was saying. “Which doesn’t make you like my ex because it’s a disorder and not really your fault, but they think I can’t take it after Mizuki basically beat the hell out of me. I told them to fuck off, but then-”

“Then I did hit you,” Kakashi interrupted. Iruka nodded, catching a breath again. “I had PTSD years ago, when I came back. But I went to therapy and stuff, I haven’t had an episode in over five years, maybe more. I am a military man, always have been; if you hit me in my sleep, I’ll hit back,” the now paramedic explained.

“But the nightmares… you throw punches,” Iruka said.

“If you had done what I did back there, you’d still have nightmares. You throw punches at me too when you have bad dreams. Rin did the same, it’s a thing. It’s not aimed or with real strength or anything.”

“I know,” Iruka repeated.

Kakashi stood up and took the stairs, disappearing from Iruka’s sight. The nurse didn’t have the strength to follow him up, so he didn’t. It didn’t matter, a few minutes later the gray haired came down with a coat and the suitcase.

“You are running,” Iruka sighed. Kakashi headed to the door and left what he was carrying on the floor but didn’t approach him.

“It’s work, not running,” the paramedic said.

“It is running. You did it at the hospital and you are doing it now.” Kakashi ran his hand through his silver hair and rested it on the back of his neck.

“You wouldn’t let me see you at the hospital, what was I supposed to do? Not give a shit about what you wanted?”

“And now what? You don’t want to see me?” Iruka asked but regretted it almost immediately, “wait, don’t answer that,” he sighed. “Answer me this instead: when I sell my apartment, will I still have a home to come back to?”. Kakashi dropped the hand that rested on his neck and opened the front door.

“You have to start trusting me, really trusting me. Enough to talk to me when you are worried instead of running, enough to not freak out when I get angry. You have to trust that I love you as right as I can,” the silver haired said and took a pause to grab the suitcase and the coat before finishing, “if you can’t do that, you shouldn’t sell the apartment.”

Kakashi didn’t wait for a reply from the nurse, he just left. The storm was over, the rain had ceased, and now calm was taking over. The house felt as empty as Iruka’s stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, technically the storm isn't over but... paused? They could use the recess though.


	14. Ambulance number: 62.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while, I know. Mental issues aren't fun. Writer's block isn't either. But I am back with yet another chapter that I wrote at three in the morning, so don't expect my best. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it anyways. I'm glad to be back. <3

The doorbell startled Iruka, waking him up from a deep sleep he didn’t realize he was having. The nurse then noticed he was in the living room, he had fell asleep on the couch not long after Kakashi left. The dogs were all looking at him expectantly and with waving tails but left immediately as the door opened.

“Oh, my most joyful Iruka! I didn’t know you’d be here!” A voice that he recognized as Gai’s exclaimed. He also heard movement, as if Gai was running; which wasn’t that weird when he thought about it.

Iruka was wearing yesterday’s clothes, now wrinkled from sleeping. On the couch. Which also made his hair a mess. He freed the brown hair only to put it on a messy bun. Not the nice, effortless one but the ‘haven’t washed my hair’ one.

“I wouldn’t say I look like a joyful person,” the nurse murmured as he removed from his face some strands of hair that didn’t made it into the bun. His breath wasn’t great either.

“You are joyful, Iruka. You just forget sometimes,” Gai affirmed and went to open the curtains. The light hurt Iruka’s eyes as he tried to get used to the brightness of the day. He was as ready for it as he was for Gai’s energy. When Iruka adjusted to the light, he confirmed his suspicion: Gai was jogging without a stop.

He had met Kakashi’s friend maybe three times and had yet to decipher his vibe. To oversimplify it, Gai was weird but as pure and loyal as it got. He was cheerful and optimistic, but not in a childlike manner. Sometimes he would throw deep thoughts over your head as if it was nothing, like the statement he had just made.

“Oh, you are here to feed the dogs,” Iruka realized, happy to change the subject. Before leaving, his boyfriend let him know that Gai would take care of the animals. Was boyfriend the right word? His mind told him yes, of course it was. But the fight the night before was messy and complicated, Iruka didn’t know where exactly they had landed.

“Exactly! Kakashi didn’t say you would be here but I am glad you stayed,” Gai exclaimed. 

“Is that what you are going to tell him?” The nurse asked as he pet the dogs that were near. In his world, for better or for worse, friends were informants.

Without stop jogging, Gai shook his head. “You sound sad, Iruka. You should be more optimistic! I am sure you and Kakashi can figure things out without me interfering,” the tall man stated.

Iruka stood up and the dogs followed him to the kitchen. Tongues out and tails up, they knew breakfast was about to be served. The brown haired couldn’t possibly share that excitement, let alone optimism. The fight left him with so much emotions and things to think about, he was more confused and well, pessimistic. And there was the fact that he was stuck in this big house with eight dogs that was supposed to feel like home because it was also his after all, but yet it felt empty, foreign, as if he was staying at a hotel. That screamed red flag to Iruka and ignoring his instincts was taking all the energy he had.

Gai followed him also and kept running in the corner of the kitchen as Iruka filled the bowls with dog food. "If you want to be free from your suffering, make up your mind. If you give up on him, you will suffer more," he declared when Iruka finished feeding the dogs.

“I… I don’t even know if he wants to be with me, he left as if it was nothing.”

“My rival acts cool all the time, but you should know it’s a cover. He griefs quietly and doesn’t want anyone to see him when he is not in a good place. Maybe he thinks he preservers his youth this way and his calm image, but people like you and I… we see it. You just have to be patient,” Gai advised with tears threatening to come out of his eyes, or maybe it just was sweat from jogging so much, Iruka wasn’t sure. Although the gym owner seemed to be expecting an answer, Iruka didn’t know what to say.

“I was thinking of going to the hospital to distract myself,” Iruka lied. He did want to be distracted for a while, but he wouldn’t go to the hospital.

“Well, it seems like my time to leave anyways,” Gai replied and followed him to the main door.

“Thanks for passing by, Gai.”

“No worries. Do I need to keep an eye on the dogs?” he asked Iruka.

“Um, no, I think I have it covered. Before you go, can I ask why are you jogging?” the nurse asked and the question made Gai burst into laughter. 

“Kakashi asked me to take care of his dogs and I replied that I could do it in my sleep. Or even better, running! So I have to keep my word!”

Okay, did Iruka have to pretend that it was a normal behavior? He would go with yes for now.

“He can’t see you and I won’t tell him, you could stop if you want to, you know?”

“I could never lie to my rival! Benefits from a lie are ephemeral, and not worth the struggle. Besides, we will never be young like this again to make such challenges! We have to take advantage of the springtime of our youth!” Gai answered as he ran away.

Iruka spent the rest of the day at home, trying to actually get distracted by feeding the dogs and taking them on walks. He had to walk them on two separate groups, there was no way he could handle eight dogs at once. But eventually, the nurse ran out of things to do and laid on the couch again to watch some tv, when he saw a bottle on the coffee table. It was his medication for the head, which made him realize he hadn’t take it. Whatever, he could start now; he swallowed a pill and turned on the tv that later lulled him to sleep.

The next day he also woke up due to the sound of the doorbell. Actually, because of the dogs licking his face trying to wake him up so he could get the door. And if he looked bad when Gai visited, he definitely looked way worse that day. When he opened the door, Izumo was behind it with two big plastic bags filled with what it seemed to be a lot of take out from at least three different places.

“I was right, you look like shit,” was Izumo’s greeting, “where is the kitchen?”

“At your right,” Iruka sighed and his friend dodged him to get inside the house.

Iruka took a deep breath and let it out slowly before going inside again, as if it could prepare him for what he was sure it would be a lecture from Izumo. When he got to the kitchen, he saw his friend arranging what seemed to be enough food for a small army.

“Did you take your meds?” Izumo asked when he saw Iruka.

“I just woke up, so no. What are you doing here?”

“It’s two o’clock, did you just wake up? For an excellent nurse, you are terrible at taking care of yourself.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Iruka muttered on his way out to the living room where he left the medication. When he came back, his friend handed him a glass of water.

“I am not a babysitter, I am your friend.” Iruka just swallowed the pill and took a sit around the multiple plates of food. “I didn’t know what you craved so I picked up a bunch of stuff, and the leftovers will probably last all weekend,” Izumo added as he also took a sit.

“Thank you, how much do I owe you?” Iruka sighed and relaxed his body. His friend smiled slightly at him and gave him a warm look.

“Don’t worry about it, you already owe me money anyways.”

“What? Why?”

“Anko and Genma broke up almost two weeks ago,” his friend explained. 

“Shit, they didn’t make it past nine months,” Iruka cursed. As usual, after Anko introduced them to her boyfriend, a bet was placed on how long they would last. He said nine months, Kotetsu settled on eight and Izumo bet seven.

“No, just seven months and a week, which makes me the winner.” Izumo stood up to grab forks and knifes while he enjoyed the victory.

“You always win, it’s not fair” Iruka complained. “How many months did you bet on Kakashi and me?” he quietly added when his friend gave him the cutlery.

“We didn’t bet on it… I guess it was just to evil,” Izumo answered. After Mizuki, Iruka slept around a lot, never engaging in a real relationship; so, he having a boyfriend was a big deal. That combined with the fight he had with his friends didn’t exactly set the mood for a bet. They started eating in silence, until Iruka broke it.

“I am sorry… for pushing all of you away. I just-”

“Don’t worry about it, we get it. I mean… it wasn’t a nice thing to do, but we aren’t angry,” the cop interrupted. Iruka smiled a little, feeling a small weight lift from his shoulders. Now that he was a little more at peace, he could enjoy some food.

“I don’t know what to do, Izumo. A kind of ultimatum was set, I have to sell my apartment or leave…. I can’t sell my apartment; I am angry, I don’t think the fight is over. Besides, where would I live if he doesn’t want me back?” Iruka spoke once he swallowed.

“Do you really love him?” Izumo asked. 

“More than what I thought I was capable of.”

“Then don’t play by the rules. I don’t think it’s important whether you sell the apartment right now, the intention of staying to fix this should be enough… You should sell it if you stay together, though.” 

“Yeah, I will,” Iruka laughed.

“Oh my God, is that _hope_?” Izumo laughed too.

“Someone reminded me that I am joyful person.”

“You are, thank God for Gai.” They laughed and ate some more before Izumo spoke again. “Kakashi called me when you were at the hospital, I couldn’t go but we talked a while. I am not sorry about warning you about him, but I have to say that I like the guy, he is right for you.”

“I don’t know about that, even if I like the guy too,” Iruka smiled sadly.

“I do. I would have never, not in a million years, say the same about Mizuki,” Izumo said assertively. “Hey, remember I said you look like shit? Well, it is still true. Go grab a shower, we have to go somewhere.”

“Wow, thank you for that. Where are we going?”

“You will know when you see it, get ready but there is no real rush,” the cop answered.

“Should I be worried about kidnapping?” Iruka joked.

“I am a cop, they will never find you,” his friend gave him an evil smile. Iruka laughed and went to take the shower, wishing the water could take his thoughts away for a while because, truthfully, Iruka didn’t know what the hell to think.

He knew he was angry at Kakashi, how come he couldn’t see how much Iruka loved him? Okay, that sounded weird on Iruka’s mind, wrong. He was just worried that his love didn’t seem to be enough. Sure, he wasn’t perfect. He was afraid of commitment after all, but he was trying. That’s what it was all about, that’s how everything started. He could have tried harder, but Kakashi should have told him if something bothered him. The paramedic didn’t tell him about how hard it was to compromise, that he knew about the apartment, or that he used to have PTSD; even if it was years ago, he should have told him, Kakashi himself said that he knew what he was getting into when dating him.

However, Iruka himself wasn’t a prime example of direct clear dialogue, but he could be one of how not to do things. Iruka being a bad boyfriend didn’t justify Kakashi being one too, or did it? Gai was right, the benefits of a lie disappear quickly, and it was definitely not worth it.

Anyways, Iruka felt he couldn’t be mad, didn’t have the right to because he was the one who messed up. He had the panic attack, he kicked Kakashi out of his room, he lied about moving in, he was the obstacle. Trying to not be angry resulted on him being frustrated.

Maybe Kakashi was asking for too much. How he could possibly trust someone’s love? Since he was a child, he learned he was the only constant thing in his life, everyone else leaves. He couldn’t trust anything but himself. All of that crumbled when Mizuki happened. He couldn’t even-

“Hey, Iruka! Are you ready?” Izumo’s shout brought Iruka back to his body, away from his thoughts. He realized he showered and got dressed automatically, they were standing on the living room as if they were ready to go.

“Oh, yes, sorry,” he apologized.

“I could almost hear your thoughts,” his friend laughed.

“I believe you, they are practically screaming to me. Where are we going?”

“Grab your things, we are leaving. I told you that when you see it, you’ll know,” Izumo answered and picked a bag with some of the food he had brought when he first arrived.

“Why are you bringing food? Will I be having dinner there?”

“I think so, yes.”

The ride in Izumo’s car was in silence, and Iruka couldn’t figure out where he was taking him. He asked a few more times but his friend wouldn’t budge. It turned out that Izumo was right, Iruka did know when he saw it and immediately tried to open the door but his friend grabbed him by the arm to keep him inside.

“Let me out, Izumo,” Iruka warned but Izumo didn’t obliged.

“Remember when you said you love Kakashi?”

“What the hell? Of course I remember. What does Kakashi have to do with this?” Iruka asked exasperated, wanting to get out of the car more than he wanted to breathe.

“Just don’t forget that,” Izumo requested. 

“Sure, whatever, let me go now,” Iruka answered and his friend did let go. 

“Room 511!” Izumo yelled before Iruka slammed the door shut and ran inside the building.

Izumo had brought him to a hospital, not the one where Iruka worked at, but the one where he was admitted three nights ago. It was weird, everyone knew his patients were supposed to go to his hospital, especially this one. He finally got to the room his friend told him.

Iruka took a long breath before opening the door. Naruto was laying on the bed inside room 511, asleep with a ventilator doing the breathing for him. What the hell had happened? Naruto usually got hurt, and we are talking badly hurt, but never like this. He was never comatose.

Someone entered the room but it wasn’t Izumo, maybe he was still parking; it was Nolan, the nurse who took care of him the night of the accident and the day after. It was perfect timing because Iruka was dreading to read Naruto’s chart, which was currently on Nolan’s hands.

“Hey, Nolan, how you been?”

“Iruka, glad to see you are doing well. What are you doing here?” 

“Naruto is my patient,” Iruka answered.

“We are trauma nurses, when our patients leave we don’t usually see them again,” Nolan said.

“I am Naruto’s emergency contact. I don’t know if you noticed but he is on a coma and I didn’t get any call. What is going on here?” Iruka questioned. The other nurse cleared his throat and scratched his nose.

“Here, have his chart. Did you come alone?” Nolan finally spoke and handed him the chart he was holding.

“Izumo is coming. You shouldn’t give me that, you would be breaking protocol,” Iruka said without taking the chart.

“Like you weren’t about to ask for it. It’s a special situation, but don’t make me regret it,” Nolan warned and it was enough for Iruka, because he grabbed the chart. “I have to go, I guess Izumo will answer any questions you’ll have.”

And with that, Iruka was left alone with Naruto and his chart.

Multiple stabbings from the back on hands, shoulders, both side of the hips and calves. Naruto’s hands were also a little burned, he had a few broken bones and also two big head injuries. Everything resulted in a stroke since the blood supply to part of his brain was reduced, which lead to a coma to give his body time to recover. Even tough almost every part of Naruto’s body was injured, the prognosis was good, he should wake up by Monday or Tuesday, approximately of course.

That sounded off to Iruka. That day was Saturday, the beginning of the week would be too soon for Naruto to wake up, even if the kid healed amazingly fast like he usually did. When was he admitted? He looked for the date at the beginning of the chart.

That past wednesday, at 4.30 p.m.

That was three days ago, the same day Kakashi hit him and was admitted to the exact same hospital. Iruka was the blond’s emergency contact, but he didn’t get a call and this was definitely an emergency. And then he was in the building, no one told him when he woke up. Nolan even let him leave, he gave him a fucking domestic violence card but didn’t think to tell him about Naruto. 

Even Izumo knew, which meant Kotetsu knew. The bastard visited him and argued with him about his relationship while Naruto was laying on a bed not far from his. Why was everyone hiding this from him?

He looked at the chart again, and he found the answer a few lines below.

_Brought by: Hatake Kakashi, paramedic._

_Ambulance number: 62._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank God for Gai
> 
> Amen.


	15. The fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than the previous ones but what can I say, consistency isn't really my thing when it comes to this story's chapters.
> 
> Anyways, welcome back! Happy to have you once again, I hope you enjoy what I wrote for this one <3

The bartender filled Iruka’s glass again with more whiskey and noticed that the brown haired was looking at the clock that was hanging behind the bar, so he turned around to watch it too.

“11:11, you should make a wish,” he commented when he faced the client again. 

“I have many wishes to make,” Iruka answered taking his eyes off the clock to look at the bartender. He had strong features and a bandana was covering his head, so Iruka couldn’t see his hair but he was sure that it couldn’t possibly outshine the tall man’s eyes. They were light gray, almost white and they seemed to shine a little; it got even weirder because Iruka couldn’t notice the typical gray ring around the pupil that gave away the eye contacts. Those eyes were natural as far as he could tell.

“Then you’ll have to choose,” the bartender said. Iruka frowned a little trying to decide.

“Okay, I wish people would wake up healthy from a coma.” His wish made the man laugh before he spoke.

“Do you know a lot of comatose people?”

“One or two,” Iruka answered and took a few sips of his drink while the bartender went away. He had assisted John Doe’s third surgery since he woke up that day and although not everything went wrong, some things did. So now his patient was comatose again, but this time it was a little less of a hopeful situation. It would take him a few days to wake up, if he did, and the doctors weren’t exactly sure if he could survive. 

On top of that, it was monday night and Naruto hadn’t woke up yet, which had Iruka more worried than he has ever been. He drank what was left on his glass and waited for the bartender to show up.

“Are you sure another drink is a good idea?” The white eyed asked, he had probably been keeping count of how many drinks Iruka had had, a number the nurse decided to ignore as soon as he entered the bar.

“Believe me, I don’t know why I didn’t have this idea before,” he answered and the bartender obliged and poured him some more alcohol.

“Girl trouble?”

“Boy trouble,” Iruka answered and chugged down half of his drink in one go.

“You must really like him,” the man guessed.

“Yeah, but honestly? Fuck him,” Iruka sighed.

“I am sure sober you is nicer,” the bartender smiled. 

“And sober him is a fucking liar,” the nurse said and drank what was left on his glass. He looked into the white eyes asking for more, but he only saw how the man’s eyebrows raised. “Come on, I am not even slurring, I can take it.”

“Okay, tough boy,” the bartender replied and fulfilled Iruka’s request. “He must have really upset you,” the man added as he saw his client drink a little more, at a slower pace this time.

“You have no idea.”

# ________________________

 _Iruka had fell asleep on the chair next to Naruto’s bed, thinking that those things should be more comfortable since a lot of people spent their nights on them. He woke up and saw that nothing changed, so he grabbed the toothbrush he had picked up along with his work clothes so he could stay the night at the hospital and go to work the next morning._

_He brushed his teeth, changed and did his hair hoping he wouldn’t see Kakashi until he came back from work. It was Monday, and the gray haired said he was coming back that morning. Iruka didn’t want to see him because they would fight, and he didn’t want to do that anymore because he was tired and also very angry, which meant that he could say all the wrong things._

_His thoughts flew out the window when he came out of the small bathroom, since Kakashi was standing by Naruto’s bedside._

_Could people combust on the spot? His training as a nurse answered no, but his body was sure that he was about to. He felt the fire climbing his body, concentrating on his chest, lightning up his cheeks._

_“Iruka,” Kakashi said. And then the nurse realized something. He felt like he was burning but it wasn’t from anger. He just had forgotten about the feeling of having Kakashi around, the sound of his name on Kakashi’s lips, the way the mismatched eyes looked at him. That was what made him light up, Kakashi was the fire._

_Iruka’s body moved on his own, knowing how to appease the fire. He took a few steps and found his way into Kakashi’s arms, hugging the gray haired from the waist and resting his head on his boyfriend’s chest. The paramedic didn’t move at first, probably from she shock since he definitely wasn’t expecting an embrace from Iruka, but he then he put his arms around Iruka and held him closer if it was even possible. The fire was still there, consuming him, but Iruka felt more at home than ever. Why couldn’t it just be like that all of the time? Just the two of them, the fire, the closeness, the intimacy._

_“Iruka, I-” Kakashi began but stopped when the younger man broke the contact._

_“Let me guess, you are sorry. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Iruka asked but it wasn’t the same Iruka as a few seconds ago. His hands rested on his hips, in his face there was painted a frown, and he was using his teacher voice. Kakashi didn’t know how he still had the teacher voice since he had switched professions years ago, but he had it and the effects were as effective as if he was an actual teacher. It wasn’t quite the same as the nurse tone, it was even more threatening and patronizing._

_“I was going to say that I missed you, for the record. I thought Izumo had filled you in.”_

_“He explained how Naruto begged you to not tell me and to be taken to a different hospital, how you obliged to a kid’s request and then told not me but my best friend so he could tell me all of your lies two days later because what? You couldn’t own it?” Iruka spoked getting increasingly angrier with every word._

# ________________________

“Wait, so Naruto is like your kid then,” the bartender interrupted.

“Naruto is not my kid. I mean, he kinda is; I don’t know, okay? He is important. And we have a deal, I let him do whatever he feels he has to as long as he lets me treat him,” Iruka explained before sipping more whiskey.

“Yeah, I get that relationship. It looks like your deal is broken, though,” the white eyed man commented while cleaning a glass with a light blue cloth.

“And I can’t figure out why, no one would tell me. They said Naruto should explain what happened but I have a feeling he won’t,” the brown haired sighed.

“Then why are you angry at your boyfriend? It sounds to me that he was respecting the kid’s wishes.”

“He was being a hypocrite, apparently I can’t lie to him but he can. We fought a little and agreed on meeting after, but he said he got caught up at work so I don’t know when I’ll see him. I am not sure he will be my boyfriend for much longer,” Iruka answered with the same bitter tone he started using three drinks ago.

“It’s his loss, if you ask me,” the bartender smiled and went away to keep working, not bothering to get an answer.

# ________________________

_“For fucks sake, he is a kid, Kakashi! You should have brought him to me!” Iruka yelled after hearing what he thought was a lame excuse from the gray haired._

_“He is not a kid anymore, even if he is almost sixteen, and you know it. And I respect everyone, kid or not,” Kakashi bit back with anger of his own._

_“I don’t care if everyone decides to treat him like an adult, he is not one. This is not something you can lie about, you know how much Naruto means to me.” Iruka crossed his arms, looking straight at his boyfriend’s eyes. Well, his only visible eye since he was wearing an eye patch, along with a black mask attached to the turtleneck he was wearing. Iruka got used to seeing him bare faced, so the accessories seemed to be a barrier now, a way to let the nurse know things weren’t okay._

_“He means a lot to me too! He almost died in my arms, and I take dying wishes personally,” Kakashi said and Iruka then noticed how sad yet annoyed he seemed._

_“You made everyone lie, Nolan’s job was on the line.”_

_“Let me see if I get it, it’s okay to lie to me. But I can’t do it, even if it’s Naruto’s request,” the paramedic’s tone was darker this time._

_“I didn’t say that, it was wrong to lie. I was wrong. But this isn’t about us, it’s about Naruto. If he was dying, you should’ve told me. What if he actually died?” Kakashi exhaled loudly when Iruka finished talking, but not in anger or to bother him. It sounded like frustration, as if he was tired._

_"You are using this as an excuse to push me away even further. I have been pulling back, but I don’t know what to do anymore, Iruka.” Kakashi’s tone now softer, reflecting said frustration. Iruka stayed silent a few moments and when he was about to reply, his phone started ringing._

_“It’s an alarm, I’ve to get to work,” the nurse explained as he grabbed his phone to turn off the alarm._

_“Me too. Are we going to talk later?”_

_“Of course, Kakashi,” Iruka breathed out, defeated. He was angry but it didn’t mean he wanted to break things up, not without a good fight, not without knowing what the hell happened to Naruto._

_“See you at the house after work then,” Kakashi said._

_Iruka nodded and exited the room. He didn’t miss what Kakashi said, though._ The house. _Not ‘my house’ because that would mean that Kakashi was kicking him out. Not ‘our house’ because the paramedic didn’t know if Iruka stayed. So_ the house _it was._ The house _sucked, even if it meant they still had a chance to fix everything._

# ________________________

Iruka lifted his finger to signal the bartender he wanted another round. The tall white eyed man approached with a disapproval look on his face.

“Do you judge all your clients like this?” Iruka asked as the bartender poured some more whiskey on his glass.

“Only the ones that complain about things that could be more easily fixed,” the man answered.

“I don’t see how this is easy,” the brown haired sighed as he took a sip from his glass.

“Have you read Harry Potter?”

“Um… I have seen the movies,” Iruka answered not knowing how the books had anything to do with his problems. He hadn’t read them and has only seen the movies because Kakashi made him, since Iruka was more of a Lord of the Rings kind of man.

“You don’t know what you are missing but fine, it works. Remember the phoenix? The red bird Dumbledore had?” The bartender got a little closer and talked quickly, as if he was about to tell Iruka the biggest discovery of the decade.

"Those creatures burst into flames, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Iruka replied as he drank some more whiskey.

“Yes, they burst into flames like you said you felt when you saw him. Like you were catching on fire,” the bartender explained.

“I am the phoenix,” Iruka said amazed, as if it was indeed the biggest realization of the year. “Wait, was does that mean?”

“When is time for phoenixes to die, they catch on fire but just to reborn from the ashes. So, if you are on fire, it means that you are ready for what’s next, that you are healing,” the man with the bandana on the head explained.

“So all I have to do is reborn,” Iruka breathed out. In some place of his drunk brain, it made sense. He caught on fire because Kakashi made him rebirth. Made him new, expecting what was next, ready for the following thing. Kakashi made him want to live, over and over again.

“Question is, are you ready?” The bartender asked with a side smile as he stood normally again. Right, he always bursts into flames but when it was time to reborn, he ran. He worked more hours, volunteered more… didn’t sell his apartment. But he wasn’t dying, he was starting a new life. Iruka could see it now, he had been afraid of change but this wasn’t a bad change. It was a good one, and he was finally ready. 

“I have to see Kakashi, may I have the bill?” Iruka asked after chugging down the whiskey that was left on his glass.

“Wait, Kakashi as in Hatake Kakashi?”

“Why does everyone know him?” Iruka almost yelled the question. Really, Konoha wasn’t that small.

“I served too, went on a few missions with him. Hatake is the smartest person I know, and I don’t really know him much. Everything he does, he does for a reason, so maybe lying to you had its reason. My name is Kō Hyūga, send him my regards,” the white eyed- Kō, requested.

# ________________________

Iruka was sure Kakashi would be at the house, his shift couldn’t possibly last that long. Maybe apologizing on that moment wasn’t a bright idea, he being as drunk as he was, but it had become an urgent matter. He had to rebirth. When he got to the house -ugh, fuck _the house_ \- he didn’t know if he should just go in with his key or ring the doorbell instead. 

Things were still complicated. Complicated things made the nurse want to run far far away. That reminded Iruka of something Gai said, “if you want to be free from your suffering, make up your mind. If you give up on him, you will suffer more.” Fine, no running, he would go through this. His mind was made, he wouldn’t give up on the gray haired, or let Kakashi give up on him. 

Iruka rang the doorbell. Kakashi usually stayed up pretty late, but if he had a long day at work he might be asleep. It didn’t matter, the dogs would wake him up. Was ringing the bell a bad idea? It was definitely a bad idea, as it was going to the house. He should’ve waited. At least until-

“Iruka? Why did you ring the bell?” A very sleepy Kakashi asked when he opened the door. And there it was again, the fire burnt Iruka making him feel even drunker than he already was. Did Kakashi also feel that way when he saw Iruka? Because if he did, he hid it very well. It was honestly pretty stupid, Iruka couldn’t even see the paramedic’s whole face since the mask and eyepatch were on and there he was, feeling as if he was going to die. To be fair, Kakashi’s looks alone could kill the average population. Iruka remembered one of his first thoughts the day he met the gray haired, how could someone manage to be so hot with almost all of his body covered? 

Wait, Iruka was getting distracted. Right, conversation.

“I was just panicking about that, actually,” Iruka answered with a small smile. Kakashi’s visible eye curved slightly, which meant he was smiling too under the mask, but he didn’t say anything, just went inside the house again waiting for the nurse to follow. 

As soon as Iruka stepped in the living room, the dogs were all over him fighting for his attention. Kakashi felt his heart wanting to leave his chest when he saw the brown haired get down on his knees to pet as much dogs as he could. The paramedic had a second heart for his dogs and Iruka won that one too.

“Okay, okay, I think that’s enough. I came to talk to Kakashi, not to spoil you,” Iruka said but couldn’t bring himself to stop petting them. 

“You heard him, guys,” Kakashi said as he went to open the glass door that lead to the garden. “Out,” he commanded and the dogs obediently went outside. When he turned around, he saw Iruka get up again, leaning on the coffee table for help he definitely needed. “Are you drunk?” Kakashi asked.

“Maybe?” The gray haired just looked at him for a minute or two, he didn’t seem to know how to feel. He then exhaled and shook his head slightly.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Kakashi said and moved forward to help Iruka do that. The nurse frowned and moved his head from side to side, indicating that he wouldn’t go to sleep. “Okay, how about a cold shower?”

“Only if you join me,” Iruka smiled. But Kakashi just looked at him, expressionless.

“You are the most functional drunk I know, I am sure you can shower just fine on your own,” the gray haired said, and it wasn’t a lie. When drunk, Iruka could do most of the things drunk people couldn’t, he didn’t even drag his words when talking or had trouble texting. It was kind of impressive, although balance was a challenge and his head got as cloudy as anyone else’s. 

“Which means I can have a conversation. I just want to make up… or make out. Or both,” Iruka suggested.

“I thought you would be mad.”

“I am angry, but I still want to be with you,” the nurse quietly said.

“Then why didn’t you sell your apartment? Why didn’t you said you still had it?”

“I was with Na-”

“I don’t mean now, I mean when you moved in,” Kakashi interrupted. Iruka didn’t like this, it wasn’t like the other fights. Kakashi was weirdly calm and aloof, his hands were on his pockets and he was wearing the eye patch and the mask; Iruka thought he had become good at reading him, even with his face covered, but that night it was different.

“I knew you would be mad, so I-”

“Then let me be mad!” Kakashi interrupted again, clearly already mad. 

“I couldn’t do that! And I couldn’t bring myself to sell the apartment because…” Iruka stopped, his thoughts blending as if his brain was a mixer. He closed his eyes to arrange them but everything started spinning so fast he almost lost his balance. Right, he was drunk. 

“I really think we shouldn’t be talking right now, don’t you want to go to sleep?” Kakashi asked. Iruka shook his head, being careful of not doing it so fast. It would be better to forget about it and keep going as if he wasn’t drunk, so that’s what he did.

“I won’t say anything I’ll regret and I will remember this; I am drunk, not delusional. And I didn’t sell the apartment before because after Mizuki, it is important for me to be independent, okay? He decided where I lived, how much I spent and on what, who I met and everything else. I don’t own this house.”

“But you will, that’s what we agreed. And I am not-” 

“I know we did, but that hasn’t happened yet,” Iruka interrupted this time. “I am not worried anymore, I will sell the apartment. I just… I don't have my shit together like you do, and I am not as strong as you.” Kakashi looked at him the same way he did when he found out he was drunk, expressionless and calculating.

“You are an idiot sometimes, Iruka,” the gray haired sighed.

“Fuck you, you don’t get to mock me,” the nurse immediately answered.

“You are one of the strongest persons I know, I am not mocking you,” Kakashi said, his tone serious.

“I didn’t go to war or suffered all you did. I can barely keep my head over water, Kakashi.”

“Strong isn’t surviving shit. Strong is wanting to, strong is keep going.” The paramedic’s statement brought silence, Iruka wasn’t sure if he believed those words and didn’t know what to answer. “I love you, Iruka. I don’t want us to be mad at each other forever.” 

“I know,” the brown haired replied. He actually agreed, but there was still the Naruto thing, the not trusting thing and all of the other things. Sure, Iruka wanted to reborn and Kakashi was still his fire. But dying wasn’t easy.

“But you don’t trust me?”

“I can’t trust anyone’s love, Kakashi.” The answer was automatic, Iruka didn’t think about it much; which sucked because he was ready to move on from this problem and felt it would all go downhill after this declaration.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because no one trusts mine!” Iruka exclaimed raising his voice a little. Oh, he hadn’t realized that, but saying the words made his chest heavy. He suddenly became conscious of his whole history. Hiruzen didn’t trust him, so he sent Iruka to juvey. Mizuki didn’t trust him, so he imprisoned him. His friends didn’t trust him, so they suggested breaking up with Kakashi. His boyfriend didn’t trust him so he was careful with every move, as if Iruka was a bomb ready to explode. After his mistakes with Mizuki, even Iruka failed to trust himself.

“I trust it,” Kakashi answered frowning.

“No, you don’t. Every move you make is so I don’t freak out and run away, you always say that. That is not trusting my love for you. I don’t want you to tiptoe around me.”

“I don’t either.”

“Then don’t. I’ll try to be better, I’ll be better. I am done letting my past define me, Mizuki can’t ruin me forever,” Iruka said as he took a step forward, getting close to Kakashi.

“I am sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner, and about the accident. I will try to be better, too,” Kakashi said, also taking a step forward. 

Iruka put one hand on Kakashi’s cheek, laying his hand on the rim of the paramedic’s mask.

“Can I?” The nurse asked. His boyfriend nodded and he was sure that he was smiling, even if he couldn’t see it. Iruka removed the mask and he felt the familiar burning feeling, he was catching on fire again. He didn’t waste any time thinking about the fire, he just kissed Kakashi.

And Kakashi kissed him back. It was a slow kiss, an intimate one. A ‘missed you’ kiss, a ‘love you’ kiss. And God be damned, Iruka missed this. The fire was still there, but it was comfortable now because kissing Kakashi felt like rebirth. It felt that way since the first time they kissed, not knowing each other or intending to be as close as they were now.

Kakashi placed a hand on Iruka’s neck and deepened the kiss, which became a more impatient one. Pleasure heightened and Iruka felt he was going to literally melt, his control slipping out. Before he lost himself in the kiss, he broke it. Kakashi didn’t seem to care about his control, because he started nibbling on his neck.

“I am still mad about the Naruto thing,” Iruka gasped, out of air.

“I know,” the gray haired breathed out against his neck, which gave Iruka goosebumps.

“And we will talk about it,” the nurse continued but he almost lost it when Kakashi pressed his tongue against the right side of his neck to soothe the previous bite, “tomorrow.”


	16. 11:11 wish.

It was soft, and it tickled. A tiny bit raspy, but it felt good enough to change his dream from a full emergency room full of chaos to a mushy cloud. He was on the white cloud, flying through the sky when he heard his name; but he didn’t want to get off the cloud, it was comfortable and so squishy.

“Iruka,” a soft voice called for him. Between the voice and the tickling, the cloud disappeared and Iruka was forced to open his eyes. It was dreadful to wake up when you felt so… happy.

He groaned to let Kakashi know he wasn’t ready to start the day yet. He would rather stay right there, in bed with his legs tangled up with Kakashi’s, whose face was bare and close to his. One of the gray haired’s calloused hands was caressing Iruka’s cheek and it was a little raspy but it tickled and it felt really good. Oh, that was it then. 

It couldn’t be more perfect. Well, maybe if his head didn’t hurt as much and if he wasn’t so dehydrated. Hangovers shouldn’t exist, they sucked.

“Five more minutes,” Iruka begged and snuggled against his boyfriend as he closed his eyes again.

“You can’t, we will be late for work,” Kakashi smiled.

“No, the alarm-”

“You turned off the alarm, we have to get ready now.” Those words seemed to totally wake Iruka up, who sat down on the bed and looked for his phone to check the time.

“What? Why did you let me sleep?” The brown haired complained when he saw that they had only ten minutes before they had to leave.

“’Cause you looked beautiful and peaceful. Also, you were very drunk last night so I figured you needed it,” the older man answered, still lying down. 

Iruka grunted in response and got out of bed to have a very quick shower. When he went down the stairs and into the kitchen, he saw Kakashi fully dressed but with the mask down, having some coffee he had made.

“Here, I made it just the way you like it,” Kakashi said as he gave Iruka a mug of coffee.

“I love you,” Iruka replied as he took it.

“You better. Could we ride in my car today?” the gray haired asked, since they used to go to work together because it was better for the environment and also cheaper, there was really no need to use both cars when one could get them where they wanted. Besides, they got to spend more time together and it was kind of domestic. Iruka was a domestic person now. 

“Um, sure but I was thinking on checking on Naruto after work.”

“I figured, I’ll pick you up,” Kakashi answered and took the last sip of coffee there was on his mug and put it in the sink, dishes had to wait or they would be late.

And just like that, life was slowly returning to normal. Iruka could feel it, and it gave him enough energy to work through his hangover. Although he would get some fluids just in case; ah, the perks of working at a hospital. 

When he got to work, he headed to his locker to put his scrubs on and pick up the things he would need for the day. The nurse’s lounge was the place where the lockers were, along with a small kitchen, a dinner table and three sofas.

“Konan,” Iruka greeted when he got in and spotted her, the only other person in the room.

“Iruka,” she answered. That’s when the brown haired realized that his friend had a big brown box and was filling it with the stuff in her locker.

“What are you doing?” Iruka asked, afraid he may already know the answer. He remembered the night he spent at Konan’s a few days ago. Her apartment was empty, everything was packed up in boxes and ready to go. And it was a very nice place, maybe it seemed so big because of the emptiness. Iruka thought she was only moving but…

“I am moving things from here” -she pointed at her locker- “to here” -she then pointed to the box.

“You are not funny, why are you leaving? Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we were friends,” he asked, seeming hurt. His suspicions were right, Konan had quitted. Or had been fired. Iruka didn’t actually know because she hadn’t let him know. And not only that, she was moving too; probably away from Konoha.

“And I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore,” Konan replied.

“Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you? What’s going on?”

“I… because of the Naruto thing. They didn’t tell you?” the purple haired asked and bit her lower lip. Damn it, she messed up. 

Iruka was about to answer when the door opened a bit and Kanna’s head peeked through the small space. 

“Oh, Iruka. Thank God,” the dark haired nurse breathed out, opening the door fully. “Doctor Itoi is asking for you. John Doe is talking and he really shouldn’t, she says you are the only one he listens so…”

“He is awake? I’ll be there in five,” Iruka answered. Doctor Itoi’s first name was Amai, the trauma surgeon who first operated on John Doe. She was a force to be reckoned, it surprised Iruka that her patient didn’t listen to her. Maybe almost as much as hearing that John Doe was awake.

“Great,” Kanna replied as she left.

“What Naruto thing?” Iruka asked Konan as soon as their coworker left. The purple haired sighed, knowing she couldn’t get out of that one even if she tried.

“I’ll tell you if you promise to listen and don’t try to murder me,” she requested. Iruka frowned but nodded slightly. Why would he want to kill one of his closest friends? Konan put the brown box on the floor and then looked for something inside her locker. It was a picture, surrounded by a wooden frame. She looked at it for a few seconds, and then handed it to Iruka.

The picture showed three people, Konan was in the middle with her arms over the shoulders of two boys. They looked young, not over twenty years old, and they were all laughing. The photograph only showed them from the chest up, but Iruka noticed that they were wearing the same clothes, black jackets with red zippers.

“The one I am looking at was named Yahiko,” Konan quietly said. Her voice came out strained, as if she was trying to hold back tears. In the picture, the purple haired was laughing while indeed looking at the boy on her right, who had orange hair and a warm look. “And the one on my left was named Nagato,” she added. The boy she now mentioned had his straight hair colored dark red, which covered one of his eyes. Nagato was laughing as the other two were, but his eyes were closed.

Iruka stayed quiet. If her friends _were_ named like that, it meant that they were now dead; he didn’t know what to say to that without sounding like he pitied her, and he was one hundred percent sure Konan wouldn’t want his pity.

“We three started what is known as Akatsuki. Don’t look at me like that, it wasn’t what it is today. It had noble goals, things everyone should stand for; like helping the defenseless, stopping the chain of violence we saw repeat itself over and over… we wanted peace. I still do. We fought for it as much as we could, we never stopped.” Konan made a pause, probably to let Iruka take in the new information. And it was a lot to take in, the brown haired wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep listening to what Konan had to say. On the other hand, she had information about Naruto’s current state; information he wasn’t sure if he could get otherwise.

“So, every time Naruto came in beaten up…” Iruka started but couldn’t finish the sentence, so he didn’t. Instead, he sat down on one of the sofas. Konan let out a breath and sat next to him.

“I was never there, I couldn’t have help him.”

“But you knew. You knew everything and didn’t say a word. And what if it was some other kid? What then?” Iruka’s tone was harsh, even if he didn’t raise his voice.

“I don’t always know when and what things are happening. Yes, I knew a few things I didn’t tell you because you just don’t say you are part of a criminal organization,” Konan hissed, careful if someone was listening. She ignored his questions on purpose, alleging them to Iruka’s anger that didn’t filter his hurtful words. She could never let a child die, it was stupid to think she would. 

“What happened with Naruto? Why are you leaving now?” Iruka asked.

“It is complicated, I can’t really tell you everything. We set a chain of actions on motion, Nagato and me. We didn’t know it would lead us to where we are standing today, but somehow it did. Everything moved so quickly, we were left without many options. And then Naruto came for us, he knows a bunch of stuff we did. Not nice things, I have to admit, but you have to believe we had our reasons,” Konan pleaded before making a stop. But Iruka remained silent, he wanted the whole story, or at least as much as he could get. So, the purple haired continued. 

“Nagato fought him for a while, but then Naruto just asked to… talk. It was weird, although we always strove for peace, fists and guns would always interfere. But with this kid… we actually talked. That alone would’ve made us change our minds about everything, and then he started to speak. He changed us, for the better. You have an amazing kid, Iruka,” Konan smiled but her friend didn’t return the gesture.

“That is on a coma. Because of you and your friends,” he replied dryly. Konan swallowed before replying.

“I am a nurse, Iruka, I do no harm; I did what I could to keep him alive until we got to the hospital. I was going to call you but Naruto begged me not to, so I called Kakashi instead.”

“You brought him to the hospital? Not Kakashi?”

“Yes, I got to the door, where we met with him. Technically, for the hospital, he brought him in but I attended Naruto. I asked Kakashi to cover for me, I didn’t want you to find out and I had to get back to Nagato,” Konan answered. But this answer only sparked more questions, but they were meant for Kakashi, not for his friend so he didn’t say anything. “Um… Nagato ended up dying that night. Yahiko died years ago, without seeing Akatsuki turn into something… different. The goal is still peace, but the means are not something we share anymore. Naruto made us see the bigger picture, but in a more… conciliatory way,” Konan added.

“But Akatsuki is still functioning?”

“Um, yeah. Things are shifting, but they are not going anywhere. They will probably get worse. I mean, it is a blessing they are letting me run after doing so much to help their enemies.”

“Are you skipping town?” Iruka asked.

“There is nothing left for me here, Iruka. I am done fighting, I can’t do it without Yahiko or Nagato,” Konan said, her voice strained again. The brown haired weighed everything the other nurse had said, staying silent. “Iruka, I-”

“I have to check on John Doe, excuse me,” Iruka abruptly interrupted. He stood up, grabbed scrubs from his locker and left the room without waiting for an answer.

His head was cloudy, there was a lot of information to assimilate and a lot of it missing. There were blanks that he couldn’t fill and confessions that teared his mind in two. Between all of that and the hangover, his head was throbbing. Did Kakashi know who Konan really was? Why didn’t he say anything? The thing that probably bugged him the most was that he wasn’t sure if Konan was… good. By now, Iruka knew that life wasn’t black or white, but different shades of gray. Still, he couldn’t find a better way to describe it. 

But hey, what a better solution than working? Iruka got dressed and headed to the nurse station, where he picked up John Doe’s chart to catch up and check if any exam was needed before going in the patient’s room, glad to talk to an easy going man.

“Comas don’t last that long anymore, I am beating the crap out of them,” John Doe said when he saw Iruka come in. His voice was hoarse, low and raspy.

“If you keep talking, you’ll mess up your throat too. Also, you are giving your lungs extra work,” Iruka commented without looking up from the chart.

“It doesn’t matter,” John Doe stopped to cough, “I am going to die soon anyways.” The nurse put the chart down to look at him, frowning. So much for easy going. The patient was in a bad condition, probably as bad as when he first came in. He was hooked up to a bunch of machines and looked really pale; also, hospital diet and being sick weren’t a good combination, resulting on him looking skinny, definitely not in a healthy way. And well, there were all the injuries. 

“You don’t look good, but you have a chance. If your mind gives up, the rest of your body will follow,” Iruka stated with his nurse voice, the one he usually used with John Doe, except when he was talking about his life.

“Doctors say…” cough took over, stopping John Doe again. “Doctors say that every time I am under a coma, it is harder on my body, and harder to wake back up. I don’t know if I’ve given up, but my body seems to be doing so,” his raspy voice stated when he recovered from the cough.

“Well, neither the doctors nor I have given up, so suck it up. Also, I need to draw some blood,” Iruka replied and went to grab a syringe on the corner of the room.

“You are a freaking vampire, did you know that?” the patient complained, putting a smile on Iruka’s lips that he couldn’t see since the nurse was giving him his back.

“My boyfriend and I are good again, did you know? I am trying to figure out how to be more… domestic, I guess. For real this time,” Iruka ignored him and approached to draw the blood. Between all the procedures John Doe had gone under, and all the needles that poked his arms, some veins weren’t at all viable. Iruka could even tear one if he chose wrongly, so he had to look for a perfect vein.

“When am I going to know his name? I have been hearing about him since I was on my first coma and I don’t even know his name,” John Doe complained between coughs.

“Everyone fucking knows the man. I don’t know what’s up, honestly, but the guy is freaking famous or something, because when I say his name… Oh, this is a good vein,” Iruka interrupted himself, ready to draw the blood. “So yeah, I don’t tell his name to anyone anymore,” he resumed.

“Lucky you, I don’t have a memory. Also, I will die any day now, so your secrets die with me,” John Doe smiled.

“You’d probably remember everything if you hear his name, and you know what? I wouldn’t even be surprised. Are you going to give me some advice or not?” the nurse asked him as he pulled out the syringe to empty it on a very small bottle so he could label it and send it to the lab.

“Fine, hang pictures. Not any picture, photographs. It will make the house feel yours too. It is domestic,” John Doe assured.

“You know, that’s actually not half bad.”

# ________________________

“How was your day?” Kakashi asked when Iruka entered the car.

“I don’t know,” the nurse answered honestly after greeting him with a kiss, “how was yours?”

“Long. There was a car accident on Third Street this morning, three kids were left without parents and one of them is in critical condition. Also, a coffee machine exploded in a café near there,” the paramedic said.

“That’s… really awful. And you are cranky because you didn’t get your coffee?” Iruka joked. Sometimes he didn’t know how Kakashi managed the day at work. Sure, a nurse saw nasty wounds and sad stories all of the time but Kakashi was actually there when all of the mess happened, which meant even nastier wounds and treating with patients in shock. Also, ambulances weren’t as equipped as a hospital, and the time frame to work was slim.

“No, the machine exploded covering the barista on very hot coffee and sharp glass. He is fine now, but I doubt he’ll be making coffee any time soon,” the gray haired sighed. 

“Shit, I won’t be making coffee now,” Iruka smiled. They stayed in silence for a while, looking at the road. The hospital wasn’t that far, they would arrive in less than ten minutes. Iruka was silently praying for Naruto to wake up sooner than later.

“So, um… I don’t know if you met Jiraiya,” Kakashi broke the silence talking rather slowly.

“Oh, believe me, I met him. Why?” Iruka answered laughing a little.

“What’s that tone supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Iruka played innocent but Kakashi took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at him with his eyebrows raised. “Okay, maybe I slept with him. It was after Mizuki, when I… let’s say I slept around a little,” the brown haired added.

“Right, half of Konoha’s gays and bisexuals,” Kakashi laughed. 

“Damn, I was hoping you wouldn’t remember that,” Iruka joined the laugh. It was something Izumo and Kotetsu said back when Anko introduced them to Genma at a bar, about Iruka having slept with half of the city’s population.

“I think you have a thing for men with white hair,” Kakashi kept on joking. Iruka smiled a little, Mizuki was also white haired, but he hadn’t told his boyfriend that.

“Wait, why are we talking about this?” 

“Because… um, Jiraiya is dead,” Kakashi broke the news.

“What? No way, he…” Iruka said but he, once again that day, couldn’t finish the sentence. Years after sleeping with him, Jiraiya became Naruto’s mentor. Maybe more than that, like a godfather.

“Was a real legend,” the paramedic finished the sentence. The old man was definitely a legend, known all over the countries as a legendary soldier. A man like that being dead sounded… impossible. 

“Oh, don’t tell me Naruto went after the people who murdered him,” the younger man sighed, fully aware that the kid probably did.

A phone rang, not giving Kakashi the chance to answer. It was his, so the paramedic answered the call.

“Hello. I am driving. What? We are actually going. Great, meet you there,” was all Iruka could hear from the call. Kakashi left the phone and looked at his boyfriend smiling.

“Who was it?” Iruka asked.

“Nolan. Naruto is awake,” the paramedic said. 

And then, Iruka made a connection. Nagato and Konan put Naruto in the hospital. If the kid was looking for the ones who killed Jiraiya, that meant… Well, it meant that Nagato murdered Jiraiya. And maybe Konan did too? Iruka wasn’t so sure about that part, his instincts told him that his friend could never be a part of that. She may have lied about a lot of things, but Iruka believed it when she said she did no harm.

It also meant that he raised Naruto to be stupid kid. It wasn’t a good idea to go after someone who could manage to kill the most acclaimed fighter of his generation. Hell, of all generations as long as Iruka was aware of.

When did his life became a murder mystery? He was just a nurse the day before, but now he had a criminal best friend and an idiot godson. Life changed in a blink of an eye, but Iruka must’ve know that by now.

They got into Naruto’s room, and he was indeed awake and eating green jello as if nothing happened.

“Hey kid,” Kakashi said when he got in.

“Ka’ashi! Want je’o?” Naruto asked smiling with his mouth full. But the smile was quickly erased when he saw Iruka standing beside him, whose look made Naruto swallow the jello.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Naruto,” Iruka scolded him.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Kakashi said and then turned to Iruka. “Try to not kill the kid, okay?” he asked and, when Iruka nodded, Kakashi kissed him goodbye. 

Iruka exhaled loudly, not knowing what to do or say. So he settled on looking at Naruto, maybe his look would crack him. But the blond just stared back, as fiercely as the nurse was. Damn, he was good, Iruka could handle it though; staring Naruto down was kind of his thing after all.

“Isn’t this the part where you yell at me?” Naruto asked, looking away.

“It hasn’t been working lately, has it?” Iruka asked back, stepping closer. He wouldn't yell at the blond because if the kid was expecting it, it meant that he undestood that what he did was stupit. Besides, Iruka didn't think that a lecture would stop him from doing something like that again.

“I am sorry, for breaking the promise,” the blond apologized referring to the promise he had made many years ago: he would let Iruka nurse him, always.

“I don’t think you are but it’s okay, I am glad you are fine now,” the nurse replied. Naruto gave him a shy smile, the bastard knew how to soften Iruka’s temper. “Why didn’t you tell me, Naruto?” Iruka sighed, plopping on the armchair at the boy’s bedside.

“I… um… A parent shouldn’t see his kid die. It’s too sad, they are supposed to pass away first, you know?” the boy’s tone was hesitant, phrasing the words slowly. 

“Are you saying that you want me to die first?” Iruka joked, laughing a little bit. Truthfully, he was a surprised since it was the first time that Naruto told him he was like a parent. And it made him felt and dizzy and happy. But also, kind of sad, as if he was an imposter.

“You should thank me, I am taking a burden from your shoulders,” Naruto also joked. They laughed a little, and then fell into silence.

“I don’t think I deserve to be called a parent,” Iruka confessed, breaking the silence. That was why he never said Naruto was his kid, always changing the title of their relationship. If he was actually his kid, he should’ve done a better work. If Naruto was his kid, then he failed.

“You give me a home when I need one, and ramen. You make sure I go to school and stuff, and yell at me like all the time. You always take care of me when I am sick… You do what parents do, so you are one, believe it!” Naruto said with his biggest smile. “Are you seriously crying?” he added a few seconds later because Iruka was in fact, crying.

“Shut up,” the brown haired answered and stood up to hug the kid. His kid. He then wiped out the remaining tears and sat on Naruto’s bed. “Kakashi told me about Jiraiya, I am sorry,”

“Yeah, I… I wanted him to keep watching over me, you know?” Naruto said looking away, his voice tense.

“Don’t stay depressed forever. Jiraiya acknowledged you as one of his students, he wouldn’t want to see you sad for too long,” Iruka tried to comfort him. It seemed to work because Naruto wiped out some tears that collected on his eyes, while nodding. “I also heard you met Konan,” the nurse added a few seconds after.

“Are you mad at her? Because you shouldn’t be, she’s good. She is a cool lady, I like her hair,” Naruto said as fast as he could speak. If Naruto could forgive her, perhaps Iruka could too. He just felt blindly hurt by Konan’s lies, but he knew she was a good person. Maybe it didn’t really matter, he would likely never see her again, since the purple haired had probably skipped town by then. That sucked, and if it sucked, it meant that Iruka still loved her.

“Yeah, she is a cool lady. Move over, I need a nap,” Iruka said pushing Naruto to one side so he could lay down next to him on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. 
> 
> I had a few of this scenes on my brain for the longest time, and I am glad they are finally out. We are getting closer to the end, although there is a thing or two to sort out first so there are a few more chapters left.
> 
> As always, I hope to see you the next chapter! <3


	17. Water.

Iruka never noticed when Kakashi got out of bed, he would barely wake up once the gray haired was in the bathroom with his hands under the running water of the sink. Kakashi rarely joined the nurse again, he would sleep on the sofa with the dogs instead and, since Iruka was used to sleeping alone, the brown haired wouldn’t stop him because he wouldn’t even hear Kakashi leaving.

Iruka also never asked why his boyfriend washed his hands after a nightmare. If he did, he would know that the gray haired used to do it when he suffered from PTSD because he could see the blood that stained his hands, and would rub them so aggressively that skin came off. But therapy changed the meaning of the habit, making the cleansing something positive; the blood wasn’t his fault, he shouldn’t carry it, therefore he washed his hands to remember that. Water would cleanse and take away negative feelings with it, or at least that’s what it was supposed to do.

His PTSD was long gone, but Kakashi kept the habit of washing his hands. He had to remember what he did, forgetting would be a disservice to himself and the people who suffered with him. Or because of him. He had to remember that Obito’s death wasn’t his fault, that Rin’s death was out of his control. And that everything he did after shaped the person he became later. And he remembered. Some days, he remembered so much that his heart felt heavy with loss and guilt. The paramedic wasn’t really angry or sad because of it, he thought that it made him who he was, and most days he liked that. It was a good thing to carry the past with you, even if it is ugly and hard.

That’s why he wasn’t ready for what happened that night, not even close to prepared for what he felt. 

Kakashi had woken up sweating from yet another nightmare.

“You ‘kay?” he heard Iruka ask half asleep. He kissed the top of the brown haired’s head as an answer and left to the bathroom. 

Kakashi was rinsing his hands under the warm water from the tap, when he felt Iruka’s presence by the door. He looked up and indeed, there he was.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry,” Kakashi apologized. But the nurse didn’t answer, just smiled slightly and approached him. The water was still running, Kakashi’s hands dripping over the floor, he went to close the tap but Iruka grabbed his hands. The gray haired looked at him frowning, but his boyfriend kept his silence, and placed his hands under the water again.

Iruka grabbed the soap and made some foam before washing Kakashi’s hands with his. Iruka cleansed the veteran’s hands with extreme caution, paying attention to each finger and then to the palms. The nurse’s hands felt soft and caring, warmer than the water. And they stayed in silence, giving the moment the attention it needed, as if nothing was more important. Because nothing was.

Kakashi didn’t know if his boyfriend was aware of what he was actually doing, of what it meant to him that he was doing this. Every time Iruka rinsed his hands, the gray haired felt… relieved. It felt as if Iruka understood, and said that it was okay. Everything would be fine. It was okay to remember, to feel bad, to carry the guilt. It was okay to wash it away. For someone who was called cold-blooded Kakashi, fiend-killer Kakashi, Red Eye because he was good at killing… it meant a lot what Iruka was doing.

To Kakashi, Iruka was, in some way, water. He came to cleanse, to ease the burden. Iruka helped him remember that nothing he did turned him into a monster, it helped him being a person that his boyfriend could love. Iruka felt as his hands felt; soft and caring, warmer than everything else.

Iruka washed Kakashi’s hands carefully for a few minutes, making sure every part was clean and taken care of. At some point, Kakashi stopped hearing the water run, and a towel surrounded his hands. He then felt warm hands on his face, Iruka’s hands. The nurse wiped away the tears from Kakashi’s face. The gray haired didn’t even realized he was crying, and that made him cry harder.

“Kakashi…” Iruka started but he interrupted himself when he saw Kakashi fall on his knees, covering his face with his hands while still crying. The brown haired also got on his knees, took Kakashi’s hands on his own and looked him straight into his eyes, both of them.

“I don’t know exactly what you are trying to wash away, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel ready. But I like your hands. They are nothing but gentle, and help build what we have right here. These hands mean nothing but love to me,” Iruka softly said, his words only making Kakashi cry some more. Iruka hugged his boyfriend tightly in response until he calmed down. 

“You’ll join me in bed now, okay?” the nurse said gently.

“Iruka, I-”

“I wasn’t really asking,” Iruka interrupted with a weak smile. Kakashi nodded and let his boyfriend drag him back to bed. They laid there, legs all tangled up facing each other. Right before the nurse fell asleep, he heard his boyfriend talk.

“I love you,” Kakashi whispered.

“I know. I love you too,” Iruka answered before falling asleep. Kakashi followed right after, thinking that Iruka was the water he had been looking for.

# _____________________________

“Today is the day, I am going to place some of my pictures at home,” Iruka announced when he entered John Doe’s room before leaving early to go home and do what he had just promised. Kakashi would be home by the time Iruka arrived, and they could hang some photographs together.

“You should’ve done it two days ago, when I advised you to,” John Doe answered. He was looking a little better than the previous days, slowly recovering. That particular day he had managed to swallow food on his own, so there was no need for a feeding tube anymore.

“Maybe. But yesterday Naruto was discharged from the hospital, I am talking to my friends again and things with Kakashi are back to normal. Better than normal, actually. It’s like everything is back on track again, this is the perfect time,” Iruka affirmed while checking his patient’s catheter.

“Normal pee?” John Doe asked.

“A little bloody but that’s normal after surgery, as you may already know. Also, your potassium levels are a little bit high, I’ll talk to your doctor so she can tell us how to proceed, but it’s nothing to be worried about. I’d like to have another nurse check on you every hour, though,” the nurse answered as he updated the chart.

Blood in urine could mean some kind of infection of the urinary tract, which wasn’t uncommon or something to be worried about. Unless it got really bloody, which could mean kidney failure and that was a problem to be concerned about. High potassium levels, or hyperkalemia, indicated bigger problems, such as internal bleeding… or kidney failure. If John’s potassium got too high, it could destabilize his heart, sending him to cardiac arrest. If Iruka was right, they’d caught it early and could treat him, so nothing drastic would happen. 

“Don’t you want to see my pee anymore?” John asked putting his scarred hand on his forehead and closing his eyes, as he pretended to faint from sadness.

“My boyfriend is much nicer to look at, sorry,” Iruka said with a smile.

“Hey, I heard that the nurse with purple hair quitted,” the patient changed the subject and Iruka assumed he was talking about Konan.

“How do you know that? I thought she didn’t treat you,” he answered. It was true, Konan refused to work on John Doe’s case, which was weird; Iruka thought she’d always respect the hippocratic oath and got angry at her for a while because it was out of character for her but didn’t say anything, eventually letting time make him forgive and forget.

“Oh, everyone gossips and I am just lying here. All of the time. So, I listen.”

“That you do,” Iruka smiled, “yes, she’s gone. Any more rumors you want me to confirm?” Iruka aimed to change the subject, since he didn’t want to talk about Konan, from whom he hadn’t heard a word since she left two days before. Not that it surprised him, after all he left abruptly and pretty upset. He wasn’t angry anymore, just a little sad; Iruka would’ve liked to talk with her some more but that wasn’t something that couldn't happen, so he was trying to let go. 

“Yes, I heard Riley had major surgery, did they get all of the tumor out?” John Doe asked. Riley was a man in his early twenties who had brain cancer and a sweet girlfriend who refused to leave him when they found out. Iruka remembered them because he met them the morning after he fought with his friends; the couple, along with Konan’s words, convinced him to stay with Kakashi. If Becca could stay with Riley after the doctors practically gave him a death sentence, if she could be there for him unconditionally, then Iruka could do it too. 

John Doe was admitted two weeks after Riley, and they met about a month and a half later when they had to share the room because the hospital had exceeded full capacity. They had quickly become friends, so if Riley was at the hospital for a surgery, he would visit John Doe before getting discharged.

“Unfortunately no, and I haven’t talked with the doctors, so I don’t know if they can go for it again,” Iruka answered. Riley and Becca were pretty upset, but they had other options if surgery wasn’t one.

“Well, that sucks,” John Doe sighed.

“Yes, it does. See you tomorrow, John,” Iruka said goodbye.

# _____________________________

“I’m home!” Iruka yelled as he went into the house. The dogs quickly came to greet him with their tails wagging in excitement but the nurse couldn’t pet them due to the big box he was carrying.

“Hey, Ru, you are early,” the nurse heard Kakashi greet him from the stairs, as he left the box on the floor. “What’s in the box?” the paramedic asked overdramatically when he saw it.

“Seven?” Iruka asked, thinking that his boyfriend’s acting was from that movie. 

“And that’s why I love you,” Kakashi said, kissing him before he got to roll his eyes.

“And I thought it was because of the sex,” the brown haired joked.

“Shit, I need to make a list now.".

“I would love to read that,” Iruka laughed. “There are pictures in the box, photographs I would like to place over the house if you agree,” he added. Kakashi raised his eyebrows at him, taking a look at the box that rested on the floor and then at Iruka again, speechless. “I thought it would be a nice idea to make the house more my house, too. Besides, you have like, one picture in the dressing room and two down here and that’s it. This is me trying, and I-”

“Stop freaking out, ‘Ruka. Yes, of course I would like you to hang stuff on your house. I just wasn’t expecting this, and it’s really nice,” Kakashi smiled, and Iruka kissed him in response.

“I have a lot of them, but I want to hang maybe five,” the nurse said and kneeled down to grab the box so he could place it on the coffee table.

“I want to see them all, though,” the gray haired said.

“Only if I get to see some of yours,” Iruka requested. 

“…Fine, wait a minute,” Kakashi answered after hesitating a few seconds and then climbed the stairs, disappearing from the nurse’s sight. 

As Iruka said, Kakashi only had three pictures on the house. The two in the living room were on a shelf with some books. One showed Kakashi and his coworker, Tenzo, having a conversation while sitting in the back of an ambulance. That one seemed newer, and it was because Iruka had taken it three months before and Tenzo said it represented their relationship so accurately it should be framed, so Kakashi did frame it, although Iruka was sure he hadn’t told Tenzo.

The other one was older, and you could see a bunch of people in it. Three were sitting on a park bench and four were standing behind, and almost all of them were laughing as if someone had made a joke right before the picture was taken. Iruka recognized some faces, like Kurenai’s, who was sitting between Asuma and a man with a scar on his left cheek. He didn’t know who he was but Kakashi had told him that his name was Raidō. Genma was standing behind him with a hand on his shoulder, and next to him there was a man named Ibiki, who Iruka hadn’t met; Ibiki wasn’t laughing like the others but he still had an amused look on his face. Gai had an arm over Ibiki’s shoulder and another one over Kakashi's, the other person who wasn’t laughing, but he was definitely smiling, even if you couldn’t see it because of the mask.

Sometimes, Iruka would catch Kakashi looking at the photos with a slight smile between his lips, and it warmed Iruka’s heart. That didn’t happen with the picture that was in the dressing room, that one was even faced down sometimes, and the nurse never asked about it. 

It showed a blond man smiling with his hands over two boy’s heads, making them face to the camera. One of the boys was Kakashi, who couldn’t be older than twelve years old, and looked annoyed as hell. The other boy had goggles and spiky black hair and he also seemed annoyed but a smile was trying to escape his lips. In between them, there was a girl with short straight brown hair and rectangular purple markings on both of her cheeks. Unlike Kakashi and the other kid, she seemed happy, laughing and making peace signs with her hands. 

It was a beautiful picture, Iruka didn’t know why his boyfriend didn’t have it in display. Maybe that day he would find out. 

While he waited for Kakashi to come back, Iruka went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and poured two glasses. Just when he got back to the living room, Kakashi came down the stairs with a black box of his own full of pictures, and Iruka’s face lit up. He wanted to know more about the gray haired and this was the perfect scenario. He should listen more to John Doe, the man knew what he was talking about.

“Oh, yes, whiskey is nice. You first,” Kakashi said and took a sip of one of the glasses while Iruka looked into the box and grabbed one of the pictures.

“This is one of my favorites,” the brown haired said handing the photo to his boyfriend, “it’s me and Naruto at Ichiraku.” The picture was taken from behind, so you could see only their backs while the pair ate ramen, as well as Teuchi's smiling face, who was the owner of the place.

“A classic, and I love the angle. You should hang this one,” the gray haired suggested. He then showed Iruka one of his own photographs. It was old, colored black and white. “These are my parents,” he added. They were hugging, Kakashi’s father lifting her wife from the floor and their cheeks glued together. He looked just like his son, his white hair a little longer. And Kakashi’s mother was stunningly beautiful as the paramedic was, her hair was long and black and her lips had the gentlest smile Iruka has ever seen. Kakashi told him about them once, but failed to tell him about how happy they seemed.

“You look just like him, but you have your mother’s… I don’t know, she seems just as alluring as you are,” Iruka tried to explain. Kakashi didn’t answer but kissed him so sweetly it knocked the air out of Iruka’s lungs. If the gray haired was great with words, he was even better with actions. And that kiss was proof of it, because it made Iruka understand what he was thinking. The nurse had said the perfect words, or at least the ones Kakashi didn’t know he wanted to hear.

“Thank you,” Kakashi whispered.

“I whish I had pictures of my parents,” Iruka smiled shyly. He didn’t wait for an answer, taking the next picture. 

“Who is she?” Kakashi asked when he saw that the photograph showed Iruka and an old short woman, although he recognized that they were standing on the hall of nurse’s old apartment.

“Catalina, she used to live in the apartment next to mine but passed away two years ago. We were pretty close, she looked after Naruto if I couldn’t and we would have tea sometimes. Or mate, since she was from Argentina,” Iruka explained with a smile on his face.

“I am sorry, ‘Ru,” Kakashi said, seeing that the he liked the woman. “Mate? What’s that?” he asked, happy to see Iruka’s eyes shine from the memory.

“It’s an infusion made with mate leaves, you have to drink it in a special kind of cup, also called mate, and with a particular metallic straw. I don’t know, it’s a kind of ritual to make it and I didn’t really learn that much. Catalina said everyone in Argentina drinks it like, all of the time, and that you couldn’t have a social gathering without sharing one,” Iruka said.

“Sounds complex, but it’s nice that the whole country shares something like that.”

“Catalina said that it represented simplicity. She used to always say _‘la belleza está en lo simple, Iruka’_. Means that beauty is in the simple things,” the nurse remembered.

“Like sharing memories with pictures, I like that,” Kakashi replied with a smile. “Your spanish is awful, by the way,” he added a few seconds after.

“You had to ruin it, didn’t you?” Iruka laughed, “I don’t think you can speak it better than me, though.”

“ _Lamento que dudes de mis habilidades, amor,_ ” Kakashi said in perfect Spanish.

“Come on, is there something you can’t do?” Iruka asked frustrated. 

“You know there is,” Kakashi said before kissing him.

“Okay, your turn,” the younger man said breaking the kiss. The gray haired moved some pictures, until he found one he liked and handed it to Iruka.

The picture showed a military unit in a green forest, there were about ten people on the photograph, some of them crouching down in front of the others so everyone could fit in the picture. They were all dressed similarly in a blue uniform and green vests with a lot of pockets. Iruka spotted Kakashi standing in the center, wearing a blue mask that seemed attached to his shirt and a matching patch, over a man that seemed vaguely familiar.

“Wait, is this Hyūga Kō?”

“Yes, we served together for a little bit, do you know him?” Kakashi asked confused, he was expecting everything but Iruka recognizing someone in that picture.

“He works at the bar where I got drunk the night we made up, he made me realize… everything, you should thank him, honestly,” Iruka laughed nervously, “he asked me to send you his regards, but I totally forgot about it.”

“He owns the bar, actually. I am glad to hear that he seems to be the man he used to be, I’ll visit him soon now that I know what I owe him,” Kakashi answered with a smile.

“Oh my God, don’t tell me that that’s Icha Icha on your pocket,” Iruka accused him when he saw the orange book sticking out of one of the pockets on the man’s vest.

“…Maybe?” 

“You are incorrigible,” Iruka said shaking his head. He then kept looking at the photo. “Are Obito and Rin in this picture?” he asked a bit later.

“Um, yes. This is Rin,” Kakashi said pointing at a girl crouched down on the corner. She had long straight brown hair and purple markings on her cheeks, and she was one of the few people smiling.

“She is beautiful,” Iruka asked.

“Yeah, she was,” Kakashi nodded, “she’s the girl on the picture that’s in the dressing room.” Iruka then realized that he was right, her hair was longer but she looked as youthful as in the other picture, she even had the same markings on her face.

“And the boy is Obito?” 

“You are right. He is here on this one,” Kakashi answered as he pointed to a man standing next to him. Obito was a tanned man with spiky black hair and thin eyebrows, standing with a slight smile on his face.

“Oh, shit. No way,” Iruka whispered.

“Iruka? What is it?” the gray haired asked, noticing a shift in the nurse’s attitude.

“Do you have another picture of him? One where I can see his face better?” Iruka asked, talking very quickly. He stood up, taking the photo to look at it right under the lights.

“Um… yes, this one. What’s happening?” Kakashi said handing him another picture showing Rin, Obito and him dressed in army clothes. Iruka took it from his boyfriend’s hands and didn’t even bother to look at Rin or Kakashi in the picture, he focused in Obito, who was shown from the shoulders up, very up close. 

“There is no way, is it? This can’t be possible,” the nurse mumbled to himself, eyes glued to the picture.

“Iruka, you are scaring me. What the hell is going on?” Kakashi asked once again, this time standing up and approaching Iruka. He saw how the brown haired took two of his fingers and placed them over the right side of Obito’s face.

“I am ninety nine percent sure that this is John Doe,” Iruka whispered slowly. “Obito is alive, we need to go to the hospital now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you have figuered it out but I hope some didn't and are finding out right now.
> 
> Obito was there since chapter 9 and I was dying to let you know! The secret is finally out, and I'd love to read what you think about the chapter in the comments
> 
> This chapter is one of my favorites, I hope you liked it too <3


	18. John Doe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick and important disclaimer that applies to the whole story but I thought it needs to be reminded: I don't know what I am doing!!!
> 
> Jokes aside, I am not a surgeon, so I don't know a lot of stuff and research can only go so far. So, if you are a doctor or know a bunch of stuff about medicine and notice something odd regarding the medical part of the chapter, I am sorry in advance.
> 
> That being said, enjoy!

“Iruka, this isn’t funny,” Kakashi said.

Iruka never thought he would prefer him with mask and eye patch on but on that moment, he did. The gray haired’s face turned into stone, hard to look at; the nurse almost couldn’t stand the way his boyfriend stared at him.

“I would never joke about this,” Iruka swore, holding the picture so tightly the tips of his fingers were white.

“Obito died a long time ago, John Doe can’t be him,” the gray haired replied, crossing his arms.

“Did you see his body?” Iruka hated himself as he phrased the question, but he had to. John Doe was Obito, nothing felt truer than that, and his boyfriend had to know. The nurse didn’t think Kakashi’s look could get harder but oh boy, it did. Iruka has always failed to picture his boyfriend as an army man, a killer, as the carrier of all the nicknames he had heard because Kakashi was a calm, collected, sweet man to him. But when the gray haired looked at him like that, he suddenly could see what everyone else was talking about.

A month ago, hell, even a week ago, Iruka would’ve lost his shit at that thought, would’ve ran away, or had another panic attack, who knew. But he wasn’t afraid anymore, and knowing that sort of relieved him. He didn’t feel the need to avoid confrontation and that was definitely progress.

“Iruka, I… this is hurting me, just drop it,” Kakashi answered a few long seconds after.

“I know, that’s why I wouldn’t ask something like that if I wasn’t sure there is a solid chance that I am right,” Iruka said, hoping his boyfriend would just go to the hospital with him.

“His body got buried underneath a bunch of very big, heavy rocks, so no, we didn’t get to give him a proper burial,” the gray haired said with a harsh tone. Iruka could tell that it hurt Kakashi that Obito hadn’t a traditional funeral, maybe as much as his death hurt.

“Then he could be alive. His right side was crushed by one of them, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, but I don’t believe I told you that part,” Kakashi answered, his look as stern as ever.

“John Doe’s entire right side is covered in scars and his skin has been through a lot. Doctors are sure that all of his right bones had been crushed, some even replaced,” Iruka explained and he noticed how the paramedic’s look got a tiny bit softer and hesitant. “Listen, you don’t have to believe me right now, but we have to go to the hospital. If you see him and he isn’t Obito, then nothing changes, but if he is… wouldn’t you want to talk to him?” Iruka softly added.

“Fine, let me grab a mask and an eye patch. You better be right,” Kakashi gave in, but his tone was still harsh.

Iruka didn’t care, he knew he was right.

Iruka drove in silence, with a distant Kakashi sitting on his right looking out the window. He didn’t mind the silent treatment, it helped him think about every interaction with John Doe he had had. Most times he saw him, Iruka just drew blood, took some urine or checked on him to update the chart. But they also talked a lot about… everything, really, but mostly about Iruka’s life. 

The nurse remembered how he fought for the man when he first arrived and some doctors refused to treat him. He remembered pleading for him to survive. And he did, but fell into a coma for a long time. Iruka used to talk to him daily to make sure the patient knew there was at least someone waiting for him to wake up. 

Once, John Doe told him that he worried about who he really was. The tanned man said he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember, he didn’t want to be a criminal, that’s not what he pictured for himself. Iruka remembered saying that perhaps that was his chance to change, to start over and be good. Everyone deserved a second chance, Iruka was glad Kakashi was getting one too.

The patient was there for every important thing that happened to Iruka those last months, and gave him advice that actually worked. He had even suggested that Iruka should place some pictures over the place. John Doe knew a lot about his life, and Iruka knew everything that was to know about him. But Obito? He didn’t know him. He may know that the patient preferred yellow jello instead of the red one, that he liked the day more than the night, chess more than shogi, brunettes more than blondes… but that didn’t mean a thing. Those were things Iruka helped him discover because the man didn’t even remember what he liked. There was a whole history, a whole life hidden underneath the surface and the little he knew about it, it hasn’t been an easy one.

“If you are right and this John Doe is actually him… what am I even supposed to say?” Kakashi suddenly broke the silence, pulling Iruka out of his own thoughts. Would John Doe remember who he was? Remember who Kakashi was? Maybe it was less complicated if he didn’t.

Iruka was glad to hear him talking, trusting him. He wasn’t sure about what to answer, though. The brown haired took one of his hands out of the steering wheel and placed it on Kakashi’s thigh and squeezed lightly. 

“When I left, he didn’t remember anything. So you can say whatever you feel you have to say, I am sure he will gladly receive any words you can give him. Maybe you can remind him of some nice memories,” Iruka proposed. Kakashi nodded slightly and ran his hand through his hair. And Iruka's hand stayed on his thigh for the rest of the drive.

They arrived at the hospital and headed to John Doe’s room almost running, but Iruka stopped Kakashi before they entered. As the other rooms, John’s had a window that faced the nurse station, so they could see everything. 

Kakashi took a look at John Doe, who was sitting down with a big smile, talking to a blond doctor. John Doe was a tanned man with spiky black hair and thin eyebrows. Iruka was right after all, John Doe was Obito.

The gray haired just stood there, looking through the window. He felt his limbs going numb, as if he was paralyzed.

This couldn’t be him, it had to be a doppelgänger or some shit like that. Obito had died. Kakashi saw him die and blamed himself and his stupid choices. He was a young captain, cocky and proud, and he paid for it with his best friend’s death. He promised Obito he would see the world for him, he promised to look after Rin. This couldn’t be the same Obito, could it? The same stubborn, brave, generous and easily moved to tears man? Life after that tragedy must have changed him in ways Kakashi couldn’t begin to imagine. If this was Obito, it wasn’t the same Obito he used to know.

A warm hand took his, making him come back to his body. Iruka was next to him, holding his hand and smiling at him. Kakashi closed his fingers around his boyfriend’s hand, and squeezed it hard without realizing.

“It’s okay, I’ll talk to him first, let him know what’s coming,” Iruka said in a comforting tone. Kakashi nodded in agreement, unable to articulate any word that would make sense.

Iruka got into the room and saw John Doe sitting down with a big smile, talking to Dr. Fūma, the head of the neuro department, who was a very tall pale man. 

“Hey, Iruka! Introduce yourself as if you didn’t know me,” John Doe asked with a cheerful voice. Iruka frowned a little and looked at the doctor, who smiled and nodded.

“Good evening, my name is Umino Iruka.”

“Nice to meet you, I am Uchiha Obito,” John Doe greeted. No, Obito greeted.

“You… you remember?” Iruka asked, astonished. How was this possible? Months of nothing and then there he was, screaming his name to the four winds.

“I remember!” Obito exclaimed.

“He bumped his head against the bed accidentally and he started to remember everything, it’s not that abnormal and we handle him carefully, so this never happened before,” the blond doctor explained.

“I am really happy for you, Obito. Could we have a word in private?” the nurse smiled.

“Sure, I was about to leave anyways,” Dr. Fūma excused himself. 

“How are you feeling?” Iruka asked the patient once the doctor had exited the room.

“My chest hurts a little and I feel groggy, but other than that, I am fine, my head is fine. Did you know I went to war? I mean, I figured because half of my body looks like shit," he said in a very cheerful tone that disappeared a second later. His look became somber as he remembered more. "But I don’t think I was always a good man. They were right, you know? About me being a criminal and all of that. I am going to be better, though; like you once said, this is my chance to become a better man. Being here for so long made me realize that I was wrong about so many things… Do you still believe I can do that? Start over?” Obito added, but ended with the question asked hesitantly. Iruka just looked at him, almost expressionless as he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing.

“Of course, everyone deserves a second chance,” the nurse answered gently.

“You don’t seem excited about me getting my memories back. And you aren’t in work clothes. Is everything okay?” Obito asked.

“It is, actually. I just… do you remember my boyfriend?”

“Of course, did you hang the pictures?,” the tanned man replied.

“We were looking through some old photos and there was one with you in it. My boyfriend is Kakashi. He is outside, if you’d like to see him,” Iruka said slowly.

“What? You have to be kidding me,” Obito stated, seriously now. The nurse just shook his head to indicate that it was no joke. “Shit… _shit_ ,” the patient cursed, eyes getting wider and eyebrows higher with every word. “Okay, shit… Okay, let him in, I guess. Just make sure he doesn’t kill me.”

“I don’t think he’ll try,” Iruka smiled and left.

Iruka let Kakashi know that Obito remembered everything, and that took a few more minutes to assimilate before he went in. That was a very different situation, and Kakashi couldn’t tell if it was better or worse. If Obito remembered everything, then he should let him do the talking.

“Hatake Kakashi,” Obito said as soon when he saw the gray haired entering the room, “I honestly thought you would die in black ops.”

“Mah, I was way too good to die,” Kakashi answered getting closer to the bed.

“You are still a cocky bastard, I see,” the black haired commented. His tone was playful and mocking, but he seemed too exhausted to even talk, the words came out a little strained.

“I prefer honest,” Kakashi shrugged. “And I thought you had died under a bunch of rocks but here you are. How do you know I was in black ops?” The gray haired was transferred there shortly after his fiancée’s death, black operations was a covert military area that employed measures that weren’t generally under the law. Everyone knew they existed, but information about its members and activities were highly classified. 

“It felt pretty much like dying. But, as you said, here I am, dying all over again but this time it’s much more comfortable,” Obito said, ignoring his friend’s question. Kakashi just looked at him with his usual bored expression until the patient kept talking. “I know a bunch of things about you. At least until your life became boring,” the tanned man added.

“Then you know that Rin died,” Kakashi said, not bothering to indulge Obito by defending his lifestyle since he didn’t need to, and Obito seemed too tired to fight anyway. His life may not involve fighting and weapons anymore, but that didn’t mean it was boring.

“I know that you murdered her,” Obito corrected him. That was a low blow to Kakashi, who felt that the floor was shaking underneath his feet. The gray haired stayed silent, words had escaped him. He had worked years to live in peace with that statement, because it wasn’t untrue. But when Obito said it, it hurt more than ever before.

“I know. And I am sorry, I promised you that I would protect her and… I failed, but not on purpose,” Kakashi apologized after a few seconds.

“Knowing Rin, she probably got in the way. But not only you failed, you tried to marry her,” the black haired pointed out but his tone wasn’t poisonous as the gray paramedic expected. There were pieces of residual anger, yes, but it was as if he wasn’t angry anymore. Obito’s love for Rin was no secret, Kakashi felt odd when he started to fall in love with her because he felt he was somehow betraying Obito and Rin felt bad for feeling happy after his friend died a horrible death. But war was like that, fast and bloody. There was no time to waste feeling bad; besides, they thought Obito would be glad to see them happy.

“You do know everything. What happened to you?” Kakashi asked, trying to change the subject. What was he supposed to say? Yes, I was going to marry the love of your life but you were dead so you can’t hold it against me? Kakashi would honestly try to kill him if the roles were reversed.

“A paramilitary organization found me barely alive. They took care of me, and talked all of the time about breaking the cycle of cause and effect that made peace impossible, implying that I would join them after they were done healing me. Once I gained enough strength, I managed to escape in order to come back to Rin, to our unit. Instead, I found them almost all dead. I arrived just in time to see your bullet go through her,” Obito explained, struggling to talk.

“Obito… I don’t know how to make you see how sorry I am,” Kakashi replied.

“Rin was the only light I had, Kakashi. After I lost her my view of the world changed. It became a pitch black hell. There was no more hope in the world, the organization was right. So I returned and worked with them for a while to build a better world, or what I thought it was better. I am sure you wouldn’t share their ways and I don’t now either. I did some things I am not proud of.” Obito seemed genuinely sorry, the things he had said to Iruka weren’t a lie at all.

“Rin was… Yeah, she was light. I get what you are saying, I’ve been there too. I can’t judge you, Obito, not after everything I did; I can’t be proud of myself either. Why didn’t you come to talk to me after the war? Or tried to kill me, at least?” Kakashi replied, knowing exactly how Obito felt. If he wasn’t sent to black ops after everything happened, he would’ve lost it too. Not that he didn’t lose his mind, but at least he had a better organization behind him, and then therapy.

“Fuck that, you can’t get how I felt. I didn’t come looking for you because I didn’t care about you, Kakashi. Because I blamed the worthless reality I thought we both lived in, not you; I still don’t blame you. When I got out of that paramilitary organization and returned to Konoha, I was still angry and I wanted peace. Still shared the message they did, peace seemed hopeless with so many awful people in the world but we could try to get there,” Obito said but was interrupted by a strong cough. Even if his words were hard to hear, Obito didn’t seem mad at the gray haired.

“So you joined Akatsuki,” Kakashi said, taking advantage of the pause.

“You know a thing or two yourself, huh? I am obviously not with them anymore, I changed my mind about a lot of things. Trying to leave got me here,” the black haired replied when the cough stopped.

“I think you are the one Jiraiya found. Nagato killed him so he couldn’t say anything to anyone,” Kakashi thought out loud.

“Um… my brain is a little foggy but I think that I remember him visiting…. Oh, yes, he said he would come back when I regained my memories, that I have valuable information he needed. It seems that he did get to tell you,” the tanned man remembered. So, Kakashi was right, Jiraiya had found a solid source of information that could take Akatsuki down, and it was the death of him.

“He forgot to mention who you are, and I didn’t want to get involved. Nagato is dead and I helped Konan skip town, if you wanted to know,” the gray haired informed.

“Who killed him if you aren’t involved? And why would you help Konan? She’s a real bitch,” Obito asked.

“She was only a bitch to you because you were a bitch to her,” the paramedic shrugged, “Nagato’s illness finally got to him, he died from exhaustion after a fight with Naruto, I don’t know if you two have met. The kid managed to change both of their minds,” Kakashi explained.

“Of course I met him, why do you think I decided to leave Akatsuki? Naruto knows his way around words,” the black haired smiled.

“He sure does,” the paramedic laughed lightly.

“It also helps that he also can beat you up," Obito added. "So, if Nagato and me are out, that means that Akatsuki doesn’t have a leader. Not a strong one, anyways. They are done for now,” Obito commented after a pause.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Nagato and I carried the will of Akatsuki. And maybe Itachi, but…”

“He’s working with the cops,” Kakashi completed.

“Damn, I knew it,” Obito said with a smile, “then they are definitely done.”

“That’s a good thing,” the gray haired also smiled. They stayed in silence a few seconds, looking out the window. “I am glad you are alive, by the way. I know Rin would be happy too,” Kakashi broke the silence.

“I am… Oh, God, bring me that bucket,” Obito requested looking suddenly really pale. 

The paramedic obliged with quick reflexes, placing the bucket under the man’s mouth just at the right time to catch the bloody vomit that came out of it.

“We need a doctor!” Kakashi yelled, pushing the button by Obito’s bedside that would alert the nurses.

# ______

Iruka exhaled loudly after Kakashi closed the door, leaving him outside John Doe’s room not knowing he would be back inside three minutes and a half later. After a few seconds, he decided he didn’t want to pry, so he walked over the nurse station.

“Kanna,” Iruka greeted when he saw her coworker.

“Hey! I am really busy, so make it quick,” she asked without looking up from the computer. She must have been really busy because the black haired nurse with big eyes was usually quite cheerful and attentive, and she wasn’t neither of those things then.

“Damn it, I miss Konan,” the brown haired muttered. Konan would reply with his name, it was a dynamic they used to have.

“What was that?” Kanna asked, looking at him.

“Nothing, I just wanted to take a look at John Doe’s chart, could you get it for me?” Iruka asked. The black haired nurse nodded and went to find it.

“Here you go,” she said about a minute and a half later when she came back with the chart Iruka had requested and got back to work as soon as he grabbed it.

Iruka thanked her and looked lazily at the chart, trying to kill some time. Before ending his shift, he had left instructions that a nurse should check on the patient every hour because he had confirmed with Dr. Itoi that there was a risk of kidney failure, which, untreated, could be deadly. But he didn’t find any updates after his last one, maybe the nurse forgot to write them down.

“Kanna, did anyone check on John Doe after I left?”

“Um… I don’t know. We all’ve been swamped with work, there's a shortage of nurses. If there aren’t any updates, I don’t think so,” Kanna answered, barely stopping typing for a second.

“Damn it. Is Dr. Amai Itoi on call?” Iruka asked.

“Give me a minute to check,” the black haired requested. She typed some more, and looked at the screen. “Dr. Itoi… Yes, she’s working right now. She has a surgery scheduled in an hour,” Kanna said.

“Okay, would you page her for me?” 

“You know I can’t do that if there isn’t an emergency,” she answered. Iruka sighed, he did know that. Dr. Itoi was a trauma surgeon, if they paged her, they would be stealing her from the emergency room where she was needed the most. 

Iruka stayed in silence a few seconds, trying to come up with a convincing argument to convince his coworker to page her when he was interrupted.

“We need a doctor!” he heard a man scream. Wait, it was Kakashi.

“This is an emergency, page her 911,” Iruka said to Kanna before running inside to help Kakashi.

When Iruka got to the room, he saw Kakashi holding the bucket they used for vomit under Obito’s face, who was throwing up in it.

“What’s happening?” Kakashi asked, and Iruka could notice that he was worried. Scared, even. The nurse checked catheter’s bag and found it had a small amount of urine, colored dark red. He then looked at the monitors, and saw that Obito’s potassium was dangerously high. Shit, why did nobody check on him?

“I think it may be acute kidney failure. I already paged his doctor, she has to be on her way,” Iruka replied. Fuck, that was bad. Not only because it could result in dialysis, but because renal failure was only a major marker of the gravity of another bigger problem that could lead to death if untreated. But Iruka knew better than saying that. Fortunately, Dr. Itoi arrived just in that moment.

“What’s happening?” she also asked while she caught her breath again since she had run there.

“Blood in urine, chest pain, high blood pressure, high potassium, evident vomit, you name it,” Iruka answered as quickly as he could as the doctor examined Obito’s legs and stomach.

“Add fluid retention, dehydration and easily bruised to the list. John, your kidney is failing and I need to operate to know what’s causing it and how to fix it, okay?” Amai asked the patient, who managed to nod before throwing up again. The doctor then turned to Iruka and continued talking while Obito kept vomiting. “We need to rush him to an O.R now if we don’t want him to go septic. Can you scrub in?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, there is a small window of time, we have to be quick,” Dr. Itoi said and left to request a surgery team and an O.R, and to postpone her scheduled surgery, leaving Iruka to prep Obito.

Iruka prepped the patient as good as he could considering that he was still vomiting, so he started by pushing medication through the patient's I.V. Obito managed to stop throwing up for a minute, which definitely helped.

“Obito, I’ll-” Kakashi began but was interrupted by the black haired.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi. Whatever you find about me, please don’t hate me,” Obito asked.

“I won’t, you are my friend,” the gray haired replied.

“I am glad. Now let me die, already.” 

Iruka extended the stretcher to get ready to go when he noticed that Kakashi wasn’t answering. The gray haired was just standing there, with the same posture and expression as when Iruka washed his hands. He couldn’t freeze now, not like that, not after what Obito had just said. He was a paramedic, for fucks sake, he should be able to react and comfort patients.

“No, wait a minute,” Iruka stopped what he was doing to talk to Obito with his nurse voice, “you don’t get to die here, okay? Not after you remembered everything, not after meeting Kakashi. You don’t get to give up because none of us has.”

“Iruka, I-” Obito began but Iruka’s sole stern look made him shut up. “Fine, I’ll live. I want to live,” he said, caving to the pressure.

“I know you do. Now, let’s get you to surgery.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned to find out how the surgery goes! Thanks for reading <3


	19. The human body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter is a surgery, so there are a lot of medical terms but I tried my best to make it easy to comprehend. But well, it's a medical AU after all.
> 
> Also, the disclamer for the last chapter still applies: I am not a surgeon, so I don't know a lot of stuff and research can only go so far. So, if you are a doctor or know a bunch of stuff about medicine and notice something odd regarding the medical part of the chapter, I am sorry in advance.
> 
> That being said, enjoy!

The first time Iruka saw the insights of a human body, he almost passed out. He used to be a teacher, or one on training, at least, so he wasn’t used to it and didn’t have much time to prepare. The human body was messy and bloody but so perfectly coordinated. All of the organs out on the open, blood being drained so doctors could see and handle them. It was almost scary, too much to process. He ended up getting used to seeing what we all look like inside, but it still astonished him, maybe that’s why he never got tired of his job.

Obito was on the table and Iruka was at his other surgeries as well, but this time felt different. It wasn’t John Doe anymore, it was Obito. His body was like anyone else’s: intestines, fascia, liver, bones, kidneys, all out in the open with Amai’s hands on them, but his mind wasn’t. So he had to live, he just had to. And he wanted to.

“Iruka?” Obito had asked, laying on the table at the operation room, going under anesthesia so he was half conscious.

“I am here, are you feeling okay?” Iruka had replied. 

“I feel at peace, that’s good. Kakashi said he’s glad that I’m alive,” the patient had mumbled, already half asleep.

“He is,” the nurse had assured him.

“I am glad too,” Obito had said just before the anesthesia did its wonders.

Iruka had been nervous, but knowing Amai was the surgeon calmed him down, she was a good doctor. What also calmed him down was knowing that Obito wanted to live and sometimes, that was all it was needed.

Since then, Obito was opened up and the doctors had discovered that a bowel obstruction was causing all the problems. It could’ve been caused but a lot of things, like scar tissue, sudden inflammation, damaged blood vessels, or other consequence of the other surgeries and Obito’s weak state.

It didn’t matter what caused it now, it mattered that the blockage didn’t allow food and liquid pass through the intestines, which cut off the blood supply, causing tissue to die. The dehydration and low blood pressure didn’t let the kidneys to work correctly, so they also began to fail.

The surgeons had then resolved on a bowel resection surgery, that consisted on removing a part of the intestines, the typical solution for bowel blockages. Dr. Amai and the resident she was operating with, a man named Mitate, had started by detaching the large intestine from the surrounding organs and tissue. Then, they had cut and removed the damaged part of the bowel. And, finally, they had reconnected the healthy ends of the intestine with sutures.

Iruka thought he could never stop being amazed by the human body. It could be cut opened and messed with and it would recover. Hands in them, detached organs, sutures, and the body managed to still function. Doctors even took parts out because they knew it could be done, it even was a pretty standard operation. 

The human body was as strong as it could be, could endure more than imagined, and sometimes Iruka had to remember that. He could bleed and that made him human. He could bleed and get back together. That was why he worked extra hours when his life felt like falling apart, because he needed to remember that everything would be okay. He could fall apart and get back together.

“Forceps,” Dr. Itoi asked and the tool was on her hand a second after, “thanks. And suction, please… More. There has to be a leak somewhere.” Mitate obliged and kept suctioning the blood out of the patient’s body. Their four hands were moving around the patient’s organs, looking for the problem.

“Found it, under the transverse colon,” the other doctor said.

“I see it,” Amai replied and they started to stop the leakage. “Okay, let’s get ready to pack him up,” she instructed when they were done.

“Damn it, he’s bleeding through the packing,” Mitate cursed a minute later. Blood flooded Obito’s body, making it impossible to see what was under it.

“Alright, we need to take it out and resect more intestines,” Dr. Itoi ordered. 

“How is his I.N.R?” the male doctor asked Iruka, who was in charge of monitoring Obito’s vital signs. The surgeon was asking for a number that indicated how long it took for the patient’s blood to clot.

“The last one was six,” Iruka answered.

“Give him factor VII and platelets,” Amai requested. Six meant that Obito’s blood was taking too long to clot, and they couldn’t have that. “Faster, Mitate,” she demanded.

A second later, the monitor that tracked the patient’s heart started to beep.

“He is having arrythmias,” Iruka alerted the doctors. His potassium was getting higher with every fraction of a second, which destabilized the cardiac membrane, and that caused arrythmias. “Damn it… I can’t get a pulse,” he added when he failed at the task, “I think he is in P.E.A.”

Although it was Iruka who said it, the declaration felt like a ticking bomb in his hands. P.E.A meant a cardiac arrest in which the electrocardiogram showed a heart rhythm that should produce a pulse, but didn’t. It was a death sentence. But Obito couldn’t die, could he? Not after everything he had survived, not now of all times.

“Starting compressions,” Dr. Itoi announced as she got to it. Iruka stayed looking at the monitor as the surgeon started cardiopulmonary resuscitation because it was the only thing he could do. He could just watch how Obito’s body shut down and hope CPR worked. 

They stayed like that for a while, hoping and praying Obito’s body would at least give them a heartbeat. A simple, weak heartbeat was enough. His body had endured the whole surgery just fine, his will to live had come through.

“Come on, John Doe. We worked hard on you, don’t do this,” Dr. Itoi commanded out of breath in between compressions. She had been providing CPR for twelve minutes straight.

“pH is down to 7.14,” Iruka informed with a defeated tone, the monitors still beeping erratically. There was no bringing Obito back from this.

“You are his emergency contact, aren’t you, Iruka?” Amai asked him.

“I… Yes, I am,” the nurse answered. A month before all of this, Iruka had helped Obito to update all of his information regarding life support, extraordinary measures and all of that paperwork. That day, his patient asked him if he could make decisions in emergency cases. _‘I trust you. You know me better than anyone, after all,’_ Obito had said. Damn him. Fuck all of this.

“Then you tell me when to stop,” she said. Iruka nodded slowly, and the doctor nodded back at him in agreement, she wouldn’t stop unless the nurse said so. “The gray haired, is he a friend of John Doe’s? I heard he got his memory back,” Amai then asked, a little out of breath due to the ongoing reanimation.

“You are right about everything, John Doe’s name is Obito. And the gray haired is also my boyfriend,” Iruka answered quietly.

“Damn,” she breathed out.

“Damn is right. I think it is enough, Amai, we both know he has been dead for fifteen minutes already,” the nurse spoke softly, allowing himself to call the surgeon by her first name.

Amai nodded and stopped the C.P.R slowly. Once she did, the electrocardiogram flatlined. To Iruka, the sharp noise felt like an arrow to the chest. Obito died on the table, asleep, opened up and filled with blood. 

The surgeon exhaled loudly and looked at the clock.

“Time of death: 21.34,” she called it, “damn it, Obito.”

Dr. Itoi stepped out the table, took her gloves off and threw them in the medical waste disposal that was by the O.R door.

“Iruka, do you want to tell him?” she asked kindly. Amai was offering him the chance to tell Kakashi about what had happened inside that room, and it was a very thoughtful gesture.

“That’s not my job, doctor,” Iruka answered. His head felt cloudy, numb.

“I think we can bend the rules this once,” Amai said softly. It was nice of her to give him the opportunity, and Iruka appreciated that, but he couldn’t do it.

“Someone has to tell him how hard we worked. The minute I step out of this room, all he’s going to see is that his best friend died on this table,” the nurse explained. His voice was a little strained, but no one in the room made a comment about it.

“I understand. I am sorry, Iruka,” the surgeon said before leaving.

The human body was fascinating, but it could have enough.

Surgery wasn’t over, though, Mitate had yet to close Obito up. The patient was an organ donor but his organs weren’t viable for transplant, so Iruka just stood there, watching how the patient’s organs disappeared under his skin while Kakashi received the devastating news. Iruka should’ve been there for his boyfriend, but he was in sorrow too. He had to work, he had to be there for Obito. He needed a minute for himself.

Iruka offered to take Obito’s body to the morgue when the surgery was done. He did so, and asked the morgue attendant to look after the body until he talked to Kakashi about arranging a funeral. 

“Remember when you said that John wasn’t a bad name?” Iruka asked Obito when the morgue attendant agreed to give him a minute alone. The nurse didn’t have a clear idea about what happened after death, but he still talked to Obito. Maybe he could hear, wherever he was; he listened when he was on a coma, after all. 

“I replied that your name probably suited you better. When I found out what your actual name was, I searched its meaning,” he continued, taking a minute to look at him. Obito’s body was pale and his eyes were closed, he seemed so… peaceful. Iruka never saw him so calm, and he watched the man sleep a lot. But it was nothing compared to the tranquility his face showed then. The thought made Iruka’s eyes water, maybe the patient was finally at peace.

Iruka swallowed, trying to get words out though the knot on his throat. “The first google search for ‘Obito name meaning’ says that your name means respectable person. I didn’t bother to look any further. I told…” Iruka’s voice broke and he cleared his throat so he could continue. “I told you your name would suit you better.”

The nurse cleared his throat again with his eyes closed, trying to keep tears from falling. After months of pain, seven surgeries, struggle to get his memories back, fighting with himself to find out what kind of man he was, Obito was finally resting. And the tanned man still found the time to be Iruka’s friend, and he was good one. He had survived so much, lived through horrors and still tried to be a good person.

As far as the nurse knew, that was being a respectable person.

It was pretty late when Iruka finally got home. Besides being at the surgery and moving Obito’s body, a patient’s death brought a lot of paperwork for the nurses and for the emergency contacts. Since Iruka was both and wanted to take care of all of it, he handled it all on his own.

He opened the house’s front door only to find Kakashi passed out on the sofa with an empty bottle of whiskey still on his hand. Iruka recognized the bottle, they kept it at the house and it was half full the last time he saw it, when they went through the pictures.

“Shit, Kakashi,” the brown haired muttered. He took off his shoes and dropped his bag before approaching his boyfriend, trying to avoid the dogs that followed him asking him to pet them. “Kakashi?” Iruka tried to wake him up while trying to make him sit down. 

It took about five minutes, but the gray haired finally managed to open his eyes.

“Iruka!” Kakashi exclaimed with a smile as he threw his arms around the nurse. Iruka hugged him back, a little confused. He thought that the gray haired would be mad, or sad, or distant, or whatever but happy. 

“How drunk are you?” Iruka asked him without breaking the embrace as he took the empty whiskey bottle off his boyfriend’s hands that gave him an idea about the answer. Kakashi did break the hug to answer.

“Had a few drinks at Kō’s bar,” Kakashi said slurring his words, “cool guy, great instin… inst… Fuck, I can’t say the word but ya know what I mean,” he continued while leaning in and having trouble to say the word _instincts_ , apparently.

“He is a cool guy, but why did he let you get this drunk?” Iruka asked. When he met Kō, the white eyed was reluctant to do the same with him.

“Right, ya know Kō! Did ya know that he broke up with his boyfrien’? Somethin’ about not havin’ the same goals or whatever,” Kakashi rambled.

“Kakashi, how much did you have to drink?” the brown haired asked again, not bothering to keep up with the conversation to prevent his boyfriend from losing his train of thought again.

“When Kō found out that ‘bito died again, he didn’ let me drink anymore,” Kakashi said and immediately started laughing. The gray haired was giggling as if he had heard the best joke ever. “He died… again!” he repeated while still laughing. “Who dies twice? What a bastard, righ’?”

Kakashi kept laughing out of control and Iruka could just look at him with his mouth slightly opened and eyebrows raised. Kō didn’t give him more drinks, so he came home and drank half a whiskey bottle and was now laughing because what? His friend had died? He must’ve been drunker than what Iruka had imagined.

“Okay, Kakashi, you will drink some water and then we’ll get you to bed. Tomorrow morning I’ll call your boss and let him know you’re not going,” Iruka said.

“What? No! I wanna go to work. I’m not that drunk,” Kakashi complained, laugh all gone.

“If you can stand up on your own, I’ll let you,” the nurse challenged him, fully aware that Kakashi could never manage to do that.

The gray haired still tried, though. He managed to stand up and when he turned to Iruka to show him a triumphant smile, he fell. Iruka quickly stood up and caught him, but lost his balance and fell onto the sofa, making the gray haired fall on top of him.

“You aren’t about to throw up on my face, are you?” Iruka asked smiling. He was laying on the sofa with his boyfriend over him, so their faces were pretty close. Kakashi shook his head and Iruka noticed his eyes watering up. “Hey, you okay?” the nurse asked him, holding his boyfriend’s chin with his hand.

Kakashi didn’t answer, he just hid his face on Iruka’s neck and started crying. 

“Oh, ‘Kashi,” Iruka breathed out as he held the gray haired, placing a hand on his hair and another one on his back, drawing soothing circles with his fingers.

The next day, a Friday, Iruka also came home late. He had worked extra hours, scrubbing in more surgeries than normal because he needed a fucking win. Everything plain _sucked_.

Obito had died and the nurse couldn’t feel bad about it. He didn’t really know him, not as much as Kakashi did, so he couldn’t help feeling like an imposter when he got sad about the man’s death. Iruka had to be there for Kakashi, there was no time to mourn someone who he didn’t actually know.

When he got home, Kakashi wasn’t there. Iruka had messaged him that he would be home late, but he expected his boyfriend to be there. He fed the dogs and grabbed a shower, having resolved on not texting the gray haired, maybe he needed time for himself and Iruka wanted to give him space. But when he came out of the shower, the paramedic wasn’t there. Iruka frowned a little, where was Kakashi? Still wishing to give his boyfriend space, he decided to wait reading on the couch with the dogs.

Kakashi arrived home a little after one in the morning. Iruka had already fell asleep but the dogs and the noise of the door opening awoke him. He removed the book from his lap and stood up to greet him.

“Did you wait up?” Kakashi asked when he noticed Iruka and the lights on. The dogs were at his feet, looking at him all excited but the gray haired didn’t pay them attention.

“Tried to, at least, where have you been?” Iruka replied as he greeted the gray haired with a kiss, tasting alcohol in his boyfriend’s lips. 

“Bar,” the paramedic answered and walked over the stairs to get to the bedroom.

“How drunk are you?” the brown haired asked when Kakashi tripped over a staircase step, barely managing not to fall. The paramedic turned around to face him before answering.

“Does it matter?”

“You tell me.” Iruka crossed his arms and damn it, he was using his teacher voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kakashi answered and climbed a few more steps, leaning heavily on the handrail.

“Kak-”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” the gray haired barked.

“Fine, but you’ll have to eventually,” Iruka retorted.

Kakashi exhaled loudly and headed to the bedroom without bothering to reply. When Iruka stepped into the room, the gray haired was already asleep, cornered against his end of the bed, giving his back to where Iruka usually slept.

Iruka had to work a fourteen hour shift that Saturday, and came back totally exhausted to find Kakashi as drunk as the day before. On Sunday, Iruka had planned to volunteer at the nursing home in the morning and spending the afternoon at the dog shelter. He tried to convince Kakashi to join him, but it was no use, so he left alone. When he came back, the gray haired was drunk again. 

The rest of the week, Iruka came home to find Kakashi blind drunk. On Tuesday, Iruka called his boyfriend’s boss and asked for the whole week off. Sometimes, Kakashi was so drunk he couldn’t even talk. Most of the times, he would curse at Iruka while the nurse undressed him to put him under the cold shower, where Kakashi would curse some more.

The gray haired had only cried the night Obito died. The rest of the days, he was a rather hostile drunk and didn’t want to talk to Iruka at all, so the younger man didn’t know what the hell was going through his boyfriend’s mind. It was strange for Iruka, Kakashi had always been so collected and his shit used to be together. But he was a mess now, so Iruka hadn’t told him about Obito’s ashes, and Kakashi hadn’t asked either.

And it sucked that Iruka was never at home. He had to work long shifts, go to the course to officially become a trauma nurse, take care of the eight dogs his boyfriend had been neglecting, shop for groceries, throw out the alcohol Kakashi kept buying and take care of him. Iruka hated himself a little for not being able to be there for the gray haired, but he had to keep going for his and Kakashi’s sake. He tried making Kakashi meet him for lunch a few times and the gray haired agreed but never showed up. Iruka stopped volunteering as much as he did, he barely studied and he was so tired that when he was done taking care of his boyfriend, he fell asleep only to repeat the same day the whole week. 

Meanwhile, Iruka’s head was also a mess. He didn’t know how to feel about anything. A friend of his had died, another had skipped town with Kakashi’s help, his boyfriend was a disaster and he couldn’t help him and he had an urn filled with ashes in his locker. Normal stuff. Iruka felt so much he felt nothing. Did that make sense? Did anything make sense? He decided there was no time for feelings, he had to patch Kakashi up but couldn’t take another day off, so he had to put that off to the weekend.

“Fuck you, let me out!” Kakashi barked one time when he tried to get out of the shower but couldn’t because Iruka pushed him back in. The nurse was fully dressed but quickly getting wet, as usual.

“Fuck you too, honey,” Iruka answered with a bored tone as he rolled his eyes.

“You are an asshole,” the gray haired frowned.

“I know you don’t mean it, Kakashi, so cut it off,” the nurse replied. Kakashi did stop because Iruka was right, and they both knew it but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t curse at him the next night.

The gray haired remained silent and faced the shower, letting the cold water hit his closed eyes while Iruka yawned and looked at him.

“I am done,” Kakashi announced after a few minutes when he was sober enough to go to sleep, which didn’t mean that he wasn’t drunk. Iruka closed the water and took a towel to dry his boyfriend’s body. He then handed him some clothes and when Kakashi got dressed, walked him to their bed.

Once Kakashi was laying on the bed, Iruka turned around to head to the dressing room to change.

“Thanks,” Kakashi’s voice stopped the nurse, “and I am sorry.”

“Are you going to be drunk tomorrow?” Iruka asked without turning around. When he didn’t hear an answer, he then did turn around to face his boyfriend. “I love you, Kakashi. I can do this every night, but you can’t.”

The human body was amazing. You could ingest liquids that depressed the central nervous system and messed with your brain, slowing your reaction time, making it difficult to make good decisions, impairing your vision, making your movements less coordinated, and the body will still find a way to work and get healthy again.

If you let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. This was planned all along but I still found it hard to write.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter, I'd love to know what you think!


	20. Strength.

Iruka’s alarm went off, making Kakashi groan and put his pillow over his head in protest. The nurse sighed and turned it off.

“C’mon, ‘Kashi. You are going with me today,” Iruka mumbled, trying to fully wake up.

“No,” the gray haired answered and turned around to resume sleep. 

“Yes,” the nurse said as he got up and stretched his arms. Kakashi didn’t bother on refusing, he was probably asleep again.

It was Saturday morning and Iruka was going to the dog shelter and wanted his boyfriend to tag along just to give him something to do other than drinking. Iruka shook Kakashi’s arm lightly to wake him up again.

“Let me sleep, Iruka,” Kakashi grumbled, pushing Iruka’s hand away.

“No, you are coming. I am not asking.” 

The gray haired opened his eyes and stared at Iruka, his look was clear and hard. _I am not going, don’t push me._ Iruka got that look a lot recently, while he took care of drunk Kakashi.

“That look doesn’t work on me anymore, hon,” Iruka answered with a patronizing smile. 

“Fine, I’ll grab a shower,” the gray haired sighed, defeated.

Iruka was brushing his teeth when Kakashi’s phone rang for the third time. 

“Your phone keeps ringing!” he yelled through the door.

“Pick it up!” he heard the gray haired yell back.

Iruka spit out and got out the bathroom and into the bedroom to grab the phone, it was an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Kakashi?” Iruka heard a softly spoken deep voice through the phone that he didn’t recognize.

“Um, no. This is Iruka, Kakashi is having a shower,” he answered.

“Oh, Iruka! This is Reki, I heard a lot about you,” the deep voice exclaimed.

“Did you? I hope it was good,” Iruka said with a shy smile that Reki couldn’t see but it translated to the brown haired’s voice. 

“You don’t have to worry at all,” Reki laughed lightly. “Listen, I have been trying to get in touch with Kakashi, but I can’t seem to reach him. He hasn’t showed up to the therapy group for two weeks and a half.”

Iruka exited the bedroom quietly, not wanting Kakashi to hear the conversation in case something came up.

“Oh, hasn’t he?” Iruka asked as if he knew what the hell was the man talking about.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t normally be concerned but last time he shared that Obito died and then he didn’t show up anymore. Just wanted to know how’s been,” Reki explained.

“No, I get it. Do you get together today?”

“Yes, at six o’clock. Would you ask him to call me back?” the deep voice replied.

“Where is it that you have the meeting?” Iruka asked.

“Um… I think I already talked more than I should have…” Reki mumbled, realizing that maybe Iruka didn’t know about the therapy group.

“I think Kakashi really needs to go, but won’t if we ask him to,” Iruka interrupted.

“It’s still not okay to force him.”

“Okay, if you tell me the address, I’ll drive him. He then can decide if he wants to go inside or not, and I’ll respect his decision, I swear. Does that sound good?” the nurse asked, hoping Reki would just say yes.

“Fine, do you have a paper to write it down?”

Iruka let out a long sigh and his lips curled slightly upward after he hanged up. Things would get back on track with a small push, Kakashi would get better with a little push.

He then went to make coffee and feed the dogs. Shit, he didn’t get to walk them yesterday and he could get away with that once in a while since the garden was big enough for them to run freely but he should walk them today. Maybe they could take the dogs where Kakashi volunteers at, Born Free Animal Shelter.

“You are allergic to cats,” Kakashi reminded him while drinking coffee when Iruka told him the idea.

“I know, but I can take it for a day. The dogs need to go out, I forgot to walk them yesterday,” Iruka explained and Kakashi was about to nag him about it but ended shutting up. The gray haired hasn’t been taking care of his dogs, and barely spent time with them.

“Okay, sure,” the paramedic replied and took a sip of coffee. “Hey, who was calling before?”

“Oh, a telemarketer. A pretty insistent one,” Iruka lied as he justified the long call.

# __________________

Iruka knew that bringing Kakashi to the pet shelter was a great idea. The gray haired was at home when surrounded by animals, Iruka even saw him smile for the first time in two weeks. And the last time he saw Kakashi smile didn’t count, because he was drunk laughing at Obito’s luck.

The nurse’s heart got really warm when he saw a few dogs making Kakashi fall on his ass so they could lick his covered face. The gray haired was laughing and petting as many dogs as he could when he made eye contact with Iruka, and smiled at him. The brown haired smiled back and winked at him as Kakashi tried to get up.

Kakashi approached Iruka when he managed to get up, and wrapped his arms around the brunette’s waist. “Thank you, I needed this,” he said with his foreheads almost touching.

Iruka just looked at him, a little surprised. Lately, the interactions they had weren’t really… friendly. Kakashi would curse at Iruka for taking care of him and the brown haired would shut him up or ignore him; and then, they went to sleep giving their backs to each other. But Iruka was more used to this kind of interaction, a sweet one. Getting at least one back was enough to make him speechless.

“Any time,” the brown haired managed to say. 

Kakashi moved his mask down enough to free his lips and leaned in a little closer, but Iruka stopped him putting a hand between them.

“Don’t even think about it, you are covered in dog saliva,” Iruka laughed.

Kakashi was about to complain, when they heard a voice yelling at them.

“Hey! You are here to help me with the animals, this is not a date!” Hana, the owner of the shelter, scolded them.

It was almost four o’clock when they got back home. The dogs were so exhausted they almost fell asleep right in front of the door. Iruka and Kakashi were pretty exhausted themselves, but the brown haired knew that the day wasn’t over.

“I want to take you somewhere else,” Iruka said when they crossed the door.

“A nap sounds better. And another shower, I smell like a dog,” Kakashi answered.

“Me too, let’s shower and then leave.”

“Where do you want to go?” the gray haired asked, a little skeptical.

“It’s a secret,” Iruka smiled. “Come on, humor me…. Please?”

“Fine, but if you join me in the shower,” Kakashi gave in.

“Fucking finally,” Iruka smiled and went to kiss him.

The paramedic returned the kiss, deepening it. “Finally fucking is more like it,” he said when they broke the kiss to get some air.

Iruka just rolled his eyes and went in for another kiss.

# __________________

“You have to be kidding me,” Kakashi said under his breath. 

Iruka had parked the car outside a church after driving for twenty minutes. The car’s clock marked 5:44. Kakashi looked at him, demanding an answer.

“Reki called this morning, not a telemarketer,” Iruka came clean.

“He didn’t have the right to tell you anything,” the gray haired stated.

“No, he didn’t; but he thought I knew.”

“Fucking Reki…” Kakashi sighed, burying his face in his hands. Iruka stayed quiet, knowing that if he said the wrong thing, the gray haired would refuse to go in. “What do you know?” Kakashi asked after a minute, removing his hands from his head.

“Not much… I only know that a therapy group is held here, but not what kind. I don’t even know who Reki is, but he told me you came here the day Obito died,” Iruka answered. The gray haired nodded slightly and looked away. Iruka took a deep breath, looking for the right words, but this was one of the hardest things he had to say.

“I know I don’t really know much, but what I do know is that you need to snap out of this. I believe it would do you some good to go in there,” Iruka said softly after a few seconds, assuming his boyfriend wouldn’t reply.

“It’s a therapy group for veterans, Reki runs it. We had a good day today, Iruka, why are you doing this? Obito died, I am allowed to mourn him,” Kakashi answered, noticeably angry.

“I am not saying you can’t, but what you are doing isn’t healthy. And a good day doesn’t mean that tomorrow will also be good,” the brown haired replied as softly as he could. 

“But this time it does, let’s just go home and I’ll call Reki later,” the gray haired demanded.

“You can’t make me believe that. And it’s either this now or AA in a few months,” Iruka retorted. Mizuki would have good days when they were dating and Iruka used to think that he would change, that the worst was over and that that was the real Mizuki. Until he hit him again the following day. Kakashi wasn’t his ex, but that’s when the nurse understood that a good day didn’t mean shit.

“Come on, I am not a drunk, Iruka,” Kakashi laughed faintly.

“Are you telling me that you don’t want to drink right now? That you haven't been thinking about it all day?” The gray haired looked away at the question, the answer clear on his face. He was a health worker too, he knew when you diagnosed alcoholism. 

An overwhelming desire to drink? Checked. An inability to stop or to control harmful drinking? Checked. Alcohol tolerance? Checked, it took a lot to make him drunk these days. Continuing to drink despite clear evidence of harmful consequences? Checked, he missed over a week of work and was ruining his relationship with Iruka. And he couldn’t manage to give a shit. But it was too son to diagnose something like that, that’s why Iruka said that he would be going to AA meetings in a few months if he didn’t take control of this now. 

Iruka was right and Kakashi knew it. That thought made him want to drink more than ever before.

“Kakashi… just please go in there, I’ll wait right here,” Iruka pleaded, not knowing how to read Kakashi’s silence. 

“What does this mean?” Kakashi asked. “For us, what does this mean?”

“I don’t know,” Iruka breathed out after thinking about it.

Kakashi nodded in silence, and then he opened the car door to go to the meeting.

The drive back home went in complete silence. Kakashi didn’t want to talk about it and Iruka didn’t want to push, so they returned quietly to the house. Iruka thought that his boyfriend was probably pretty mad at him, besides just opening up to a bunch of people; and he wasn’t that far off the truth. So no, he wasn’t about to ask him how it went.

A good sign, though, was that Kakashi did greet the dogs when they entered their house. Perhaps the day helped him realize that he was neglecting them a little, after all.

“I’ll go to bed,” Kakashi said. It wasn’t an invitation, it was more like him informing what he was going to do. Iruka didn’t even know if he was supposed to follow or sleep in the couch. The gray haired approached the stairs when Iruka stopped him.

“Yell at me, already,” Iruka asked. After all, his boyfriend had been distant since Obito died and when they were about to made up, Iruka drove him to the therapy group a little against his will. If he was Kakashi, he would definitely feel a little betrayed.

“You are a saint, how could I possibly yell at you?” the paramedic replied, sarcasm clear in his tone.

“Come on, we need to talk. Or fight. Or whatever that isn’t this,” Iruka said.

“Obito died. It doesn’t feel good. I am going to sleep now,” Kakashi said, almost robotically, the sarcasm faintly leaving his tone.

“You are killing us, Kakashi,” the nurse stated in a low voice. 

“Then leave me already!” Kakashi barked as he turned around and got a little closer to his boyfriend, letting around two meters of space between them.

“What? Is that what you want?” the younger man asked, his voice trembling because of the surprise. Iruka knew Obito’s death was being hard on them, Kakashi got really drunk and treated Iruka like shit, and the nurse couldn’t let himself mourn because he was trying to keep both of their lives together. But he never thought about splitting up. “You went through worse than this. We went through worse than this,” Iruka added when the gray haired stayed silent.

Iruka didn’t know how you measured pain, and it didn’t feel right to do so. But being an orphan at a young age, surviving war and black ops, seeing his best friend die, shooting the bullet that killed your fiancée… It seemed worse. They went through hell together when Kakashi hit Iruka accidentally, making him need stitches, and there was that time when Kakashi lied to him about Naruto’s state.

They survived, it was what they did. That reminded him of something Kakashi said once, _strong isn’t surviving shit. Strong is wanting to, strong is keep going._ Didn’t Kakashi want to keep going? The gray haired had his head clear every time they fought, always trying to fix things in a healthy way but this time… nothing about him screamed healthy. 

“Well, I haven’t. So there is that,” Kakashi commented bitterly. 

“So what? You want to give up? If you want us to break up, you do it yourself, don’t put it on me,” Iruka replied. He didn’t want anything to o with that, but he didn’t know how to make Kakashi feel the same.

“I can’t do that!” the paramedic said abruptly.

“Why?” Iruka asked with the same energy.

“Because you did nothing wrong, but I still… You got months with him, got to talk to him and hear him. I got nothing. I talk to him and we were going to be alright, he forgave me for everything before I even knew he was alive… And then he fucking dies,” Kakashi said, almost yelling. His eyes filled with tears, it was the second time he said that out loud in the day.

“You resent me,” the brunet realized under his breath, more to himself than to Kakashi.

“Oh, but I can’t resent you,” Kakashi replied, his tone a tad bit more poisonous. He seemed to notice that, so he exhaled loudly with his eyes closed, trying to regain control. “His death wasn’t your fault and you took care of me ever since it happened, even though I would treat you… like shit, honestly. I wanted you to leave me, to get tired of me but you… you just took it. You keep taking shit from me you don’t deserve. But I can’t help feeling bitter towards you, so I don’t know what follows.”

Iruka looked at him as he spoke. His voice broke a few times, the truth being too much for it to bear. Kakashi seemed conflicted, as conflicted as Iruka have been feeling, maybe more. The nurse understood, he got more time with Obito, he listened to his concerns, took care of him, took his advice and Kakashi… Kakashi saw him die.

“I can’t let myself feel bad about Obito’s death because I didn’t really know him… but um, I do. I haven’t grieved him because I don’t feel it’s right having you besides me. I get that you are mourning him and that it’s hard but I was only doing my job and yes, I made a friend in the process. I can’t be sorry about that. So I don’t know what follows either,” Iruka said. Kakashi’s expression softened a little and he let out a sight when his boyfriend finished talking.

The gray haired ran a hand through his hair as he plopped down on the couch. He then removed his mask with a finger, letting it pool around his neck. “You shouldn’t be sorry about that. And I am going to get over this. Just don’t leave me. I want us to be together,” the older man said.

Iruka let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and went to sit besides Kakashi. He turned his body to face the gray haired, and his muscles relaxed like they hadn’t in a while.

“I would never leave you, okay? I love you,” Iruka said, holding Kakashi’s chin between his fingers, making the gray haired look at him.

“I love you to. I am so, _so_ sorry,” the paramedic apologized. Iruka kissed him lightly in return.

“I know. Obito was like a brother to you, after all. Just tell me you won’t drink anymore.”

“I won’t, I promise. How do you know about Obito?” Kakashi asked with a single eyebrow raised.

“You talk a lot when drunk, you don’t remember?” 

It was true. Iruka knew how and when Kakashi’s parents died, but he didn’t know that Obito’s grandma bought the house they used to live in so the gray haired could buy it back when he reached the appropriate age. That was how he kept his childhood home, the one they were living in then.

Obito’s grandma was something like what Iruka was to Naruto. She gave Kakashi a home when he needed one, which made Obito kind of his brother. Kakashi said that he owed her everything he had and was. When he was really alone, the Uchihas were there for him. 

Obito and Kakashi grew like more than friends, they became brothers. A stronger bond, more difficult to break. Which made moving on for the second time the hardest thing Kakashi had to go through.

“I don’t, but I am glad I told you. Did I say anything else?” Kakashi asked. Iruka was glad do see him like this again. Pakkun was laying on the older man’s lap, and Shiba and Uhei were at his feet; the gray haired seemed relaxed, on track again.

“You told me about black ops, that Akatsuki was done and that Konan is safe in Suna but she won’t return. Oh, you also told me about the last time you drank with Gai,” Iruka remembered. He hurt a little when he found out about Konan’s news, but thought it was for the best. And the Akatsuki thing was good, he had talked to Naruto and felt glad that he only had to testify and most of them would end up in jail. The blond didn’t have to fight anymore, and that made Iruka feel lucky.

“Oh my God, did I tell you the whole story?” Kakashi asked, hiding his face in his hands, embarrassed.

“Um, if it finishes with you two spending the night behind bars because you bathed naked in a fountain, then yes,” Iruka answered, amused by his boyfriend’s reaction.

“And that was the last time Gai drank,” the gray haired laughed, and Iruka joined him.

The stayed there for a while, snuggling in the couch in silence, Iruka petting the dogs as Kakashi ran his fingers through his brown hair.

It was a warm feeling, it felt nicer that every feeling they had before. There were things to be solved, but only time could heal them completely. In the meanwhile, they would just snuggle and smile between soft kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make this chapter a bit lighter because well, we've suffered enough, haven't we?
> 
> You may or may not have noticed that there's only a chapter left! And it will be a shorter one, you've been warned. Sadly, we are reaching the end of the story, hope to see you there <3


	21. Ashes to ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you go on, I want to thank all of you. Whether you commented, gave kudos, subscribed or just read the story, you made feel so grateful and lucky.
> 
> If you made it this far, you are already dear to my heart. 
> 
> Now, off you go, enjoy this last bit of the story. <3

The morning after, Kakashi woke up first but didn’t leave the bed. Instead, he cuddled against the brunet sleeping next to him, who groaned pleased in his sleep. The older man peppered Iruka’s tanned skin with soft kisses where he could reach it, the nape of his neck, his shoulders, his left cheek.

Iruka muttered something unintelligible, half asleep as he turned around to face the pale man.

“What was that?” Kakashi asked, smiling as he saw his boyfriend’s face. He didn’t stop with the kisses, placing his lips softly all over the nurse’s face.

“What time is it?” Iruka barely managed to articulate the words since he wasn’t entirely awake, his eyes were still closed.

“I think it may be around twelve.” The answer the gray haired gave made Iruka groan a little louder. “Don’t complain, I am happy to stay here as long as you want,” Kakashi smiled.

“Are you feeling okay?” the brunet asked, trying to open his eyes but finding it difficult since Kakashi kept placing kisses over them.

“I am not going to go into withdrawal if that’s what you are asking,” the paramedic answered lightly.

Iruka smiled, finally able to open his eyes and almost fully awake now. He kissed Kakashi chastely. “Good,” he said, “because there is something I want to discuss with you.”

“Do tell,” Kakashi said, sitting down on the bed. Iruka imitated him and took a deep breath before talking.

“I have Obito’s ashes. Um… the hospital was pressuring me to decide what to do but I didn’t know what you wanted. I couldn’t really talk to you so… I just wanted you to have them,” Iruka explained.

The gray haired looked at him with both of his eyes, that reflected Iruka’s worried expression. “I… I don’t know what I should do with them.”

“Where do you think he’d want to be?”

“Probably with Rin,” Kakashi thought out loud. “Yeah, I think that we would want to be with Rin,” he decided, his voice a little hoarse. 

Iruka nodded, giving him some space. “You don’t have to go today, bu-”

“No, he has waited enough, it has to be today,” Kakashi interrupted him, "and I want you to go with me."

Iruka couldn't help to smile. “Okay, where are we going?”

“To a bridge, Rin’s in the water. She… she wanted to flow forever, be part of something bigger. It’s a four hour drive away,” the paramedic answered.

“Then we don’t have time to waste, let’s go.”

For a while in their relationship, it felt as if they were dying from an arrhythmia. They felt as a heart, as one thing that should be and work together, but failed to beat at the same time. That irregularity almost killed them when Iruka was landed at the hospital, when he lied about selling his apartment, when Kakashi lied about Naruto being at the hospital or when Obito died with an arrhythmia of his own. 

But that Sunday afternoon when they scattered Obito’s ashes over the bridge so they he could join Rin in the water, something fell back in its place. They started beating at the same time, their struggles and baggage taught them how to understand each other and communicate better.

As long as they found a way to beat at the same rhythm, Iruka and Kakashi knew they would be fine.

# __________________

_A year and a half later._

Anko arrived with the following round of drinks as laughter struck like thunder.

“What are we laughing at?” she asked with a devilish smile.

Iruka blinked once. Then twice. It had to be a weird déjà vu, he could’ve sworn that the night when his friends challenged him to go have a few drinks at the hotel bar where the Emergency Care Conference was held started the same way, but that was over three years ago. That bet made him meet Kakashi for the first time. 

It seemed so far away in time, but Iruka clearly remembered falling in love with Kakashi. He looked at the gray haired, who was sitting next to him, the only difference he could spot from that night a little over two years ago. It wasn’t the same Kakashi, and he wasn’t the same Iruka, but that was for the better; this way, he could fall in love with him every day.

Kakashi noticed Iruka staring at him and smiled as he gave him a quick kiss while someone answered Anko’s question.

“Iruka and Kakashi,” Kotetsu answered as he took a sip of his new drink.

“Oh, yeah, they should totally get married already,” Anko commented casually.

“That’s what we’re saying!” Izumo exclaimed, glad that another person agreed with them.

“Excuse us?” Iruka intervened, an eyebrow raised but and amused look on his face. He looked at Kakashi, who had a side smile Iruka couldn’t read.

“You have been together for a long time, it’s been clear from the start that you are in for the long run,” Izumo answered.

“Izumo and I got married four months ago and it has been amazing! Besides, you got to go to the party and we got a sexy vacation,” Kotetsu added. Izumo smiled and took the dark haired’s hand in his own.

“ _Oh my God_ , you will look great on your wedding night,” Anko said with tears on her eyes. Drunk Anko was a surprise every time.

“Don’t you guys think that we should decide if we want to get married?” Iruka asked after taking a look at his boyfriend, whose whole posture and face expression said _‘they are your friends, you handle this’._

“You always need a push, Iruka. Consider this the push, you should get married,” the purple haired woman replied.

“Think about it a minute; you too, Kakashi,” Kotetsu pleaded.

“It’s better for taxes,” Izumo shrugged, knowing that if the emotional benefits didn’t appeal to Iruka, the logic would. “And you have better health insurance, Iruka, you could share that with a spouse,” he added.

“Studies show that you live longer if you are happily married,” Kotetsu commented over his drink.

“And you could abstain from testifying against each other if one did something shady,” Anko added as a benefit of being married. 

“You realize that we are both right here, right?” Kakashi interrupted the rant. 

“You ruined the chance for it to be romantic, _if_ we decide you are right,” Iruka nodded.

“Come on, you are Iruka and Kakashi. It will be romantic anyways,” Anko assured them.

They left the bar with long goodbyes and drunk laughing. Iruka leaned on Kakashi in order to walk straight, and the gray haired gladly placed a hand around his waist to support him.

“I am sorry I am so drunk,” Iruka said as they got into the older man’s car.

“Why?” Kakashi laughed a little, starting the car.

“And about dragging you into a bar full of alcohol,” the nurse kept apologizing. 

“’Ruka, stop worrying. It’s fine, I am in a good place,” Kakashi comforted him, placing a hand on his thigh. Iruka leaned on his boyfriend’s arm and closed his eyes, making the gray haired give him a side look accompanied by a soft smile.

“Do you think we should get married?” Iruka asked a few minutes into the drive.

“Do you?” the older man eluded the question knowing that Iruka wouldn’t notice because of how drunk he was.

“If we did this... I wanted it to be romantic,” the brunet mumbled his complaint as he sat straight on his seat again, although Kakashi’s hand didn’t leave his leg. “I guess we have the rest of our lives to be romantic,” he tried to convince himself.

“I guess we do,” Kakashi agreed.

“Wait, do you also think we should get married?” 

“I’ll talk to sober Iruka about it,” the gray haired smiled with his eyes on the road.

The nurse frowned and moved in his seat to face his boyfriend with his whole body, holding Kakashi’s hand so he wouldn’t remove it. “You once said that I am the most functional drunk you knew. Sober Iruka is dumb, talk to me,” he said.

Kakashi thought about it for a while before answering. “The only time I thought about me as a husband, Rin was going to be my wife.”

“That’s why I would understand if you don’t want to do this. I don’t want you to do something that feels wrong, and I am very happy with the life we have now,” Iruka intervened.

“No, I… I want this. Fuck it, let’s get married. I love you, and I know I’ll love you forever.”

Iruka’s smile beamed on his face, and he lean in to kiss Kakashi’s right cheek. “I love you too, and our eight children,” he said, referring to the dogs.

Kakashi let out a laugh, hoping he wasn’t driving at the moment so he could bury his lips in Iruka’s. “I am still going to talk to sober Iruka about it. So, you have an out.”

“Never going to need an out,” the nurse assured with a serious tone. When his boyfriend nodded, Iruka’s bright smile returned to his face. “Make it romantic. Sober Iruka loves romantic.”


End file.
